Refocus, set those goals, find those positives

Okay so I've been quiet for a while. I had a huge blip. Been feeling like a failure if I'm honest. I no longer felt in control and just seemed to totally override all the hard work the pods were doing. I was rebelling I guess. My rebellious stage has cost me as I've gained 11lb. I felt so gutted and upset, but its done isn't it? I can't change the fact its done but I can change it and get back into this :)  I feel deflated and need to somehow refocus. I post a positive post it results in self sabotage  I set a goal - I self sabotage or rebel. I just need to take it a day at a time with no pressure. Its the only way it works for me but somehow I am struggling to get back in the zone.

I have found a few things happen on this journey so I am guessing I really do still have emotional eating issues as if the going gets tough - I eat.  When this happens I tend to override the full signal and just keep going.  :(

The last couple of weeks I've felt more focused again though, still listening to my pods daily, finding my positives daily I just need to pod on with no pressure.  I think with my wedding anniversary looming and still a size 18 I began to feel a failure. But thinking about it I've achieved so much in this last year of slimpoddding, in fact I believe its a year ago today since I started listening. I've faced many fears, dealt with so much and have a far more healthy relationship with food.   I haven't binged since before xmas. Yes I've overeaten but not binged. Theres a huge difference. I also used to graze all day, constantly wondering what I could have to eat, stuffing my face with chocolate at the slightest chance.  95% of the time I just eat when I am hungry. I have the odd picky day but food isn't the first thing I think about. In fact today is testament to that. Its now 1.15 pm and I'm only just having some toast and peanut butter. I simply haven't felt hungry until now and haven't needed any food (eek)  I have felt more in control again and its down to 'no diet head'.  Diet head seems to rear its head every few weeks and cause havoc. Then it goes again and I feel so calm, positive and in control its fab. If my mind is occupied food is now furthest from my mind.

I'm not getting as much exercise as my son broke his leg badly and is home and in a full leg plaster. I am finding it hard to adjust to it all so I'm setting myself a mini challenge to at least take Carla once a day for a  minimum of 30 mins while he is still home as this is long term as at least 5.5 more weeks at home.

I need to look back and see that although I haven't lost tonnes of weight, although I've had a fair few blips this one being the worst, I have still achieved alot. I have still lost alot of inches, I now like exercise when I can find time, I have a far better relationship with food, I have regained alot of my confidence, I am calmer, happier, I am more positive whereas in the past I was terribly negative, so many changes.

So I am going back to basics today. I am sitting here listening to my slimpod as I type this as been struggling to listen properly due to so much going on and so tired or being interrupted   I am going to write down my positives (I've been doing this every day anyway) and need some goals as I've failed at them :( this hurts but I am going to move on from this and set some new ones.

My new goals

1) To be in my size 16 jeans for xmas day - my 18's are mega tight again
2) To be in size 14 jeans end March
3) To do 30 mins exercise each day even if its just walking Carla


So how will I reach my first goal

1) I will listen to my slimpod, fitpod and choccie pod daily
2) I will do 30 mins exercise a day
3) I will eat mindfully at each meal listening for the full signal
4) I will drink more water

I am not sure if my first goal is realistic or not as its only 8 weeks and I've a long way to go but we will see. I wish self sabotage would go away. I hate it. It drags me down constantly. Maybe its simply years of dieting and failing that make me this way?

mini challenges and new foods

I had a mini challenge last week to do 3 lots of 15 mins on the treadmill jogging for one minute and building up to one and a half minutes.  I did it!  I managed

Sunday – 15 mins at 4.5 managed to jog at 6.00  for 50 seconds

Tuesday – 15 mins 4.5 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 1.5 mins (as 60 + 30 secs)

Thursday – 20 mins 4.2 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 2 mins 15 secs (as 30 + 30 + 30 + 45 secs)

Friday – 15 mins at 4.2 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 2 mins and 10 secs (30 + 30 + 30 + 40 secs)

When I got the treadmill last year I struggled to walk on it for more than 5 mins at 3.00 :-)


So my challenge this week is to do 4 lots of 20 mins jogging for 2.5 mins



I also decided to try at least one new food a week.  Last week I tried

ricotta cheese

French toast

Quinoa


I loved all three of them. I had the ricotta with a piece of french toast, strawberries, blueberries and bananna, drizzled with a weeny bit of runny honey


The quinoa I simmered in a stock cube with sundried tomatoes and served with left over homemade chilli and a side salad


Unsure what I will try yet this week but will definitely try and least one new food.


Had a good week overall. I am terribly bloated this week which is horrid as everything is tight on me but I'm podding on and through it as it will go. I've upped my water and green tea intake to see if that helps at all.

I've had some lovely meals this week and have really enjoyed my food.

I did let the bloating get to me on one of the days. I felt huge and my jeans were so tight I had to take them off and wear stretchy trousers.  I allowed that to influence my day and ate all the wrong foods, but I realise thats not the way forward and picked myself up dusted myself down and continued being positive :)

I found my magic wand!

I found these at the weekend. They were as I was heading towards my biggest. Weight unknown.I think I look shy, awkward especially in the 2nd one. I couldn't smile for the camera. I hated photos big time. I was a hermit. I hated going out. I took Charlie to school and scarpered home shut the door quickly and felt 'safe'. Exercise was a swear word. I was allergic to it. Any form of it. I made any excuse not to walk princess barky knickers and it didn't help that she and I were scared of most things.

I wore size 22 pull on wide leg trousers. I told everyone I was a size 20-22. I couldn't understand why so little fitted of course. so I lived in these same black trousers which were tight on me like leggings when they should be like slacks/trousers, lose not fitted and tshirts or big tunics which stretched across all the wobbles and rolls So when I started slimpodding. I wanted to be a comfortable size 20. Easy, only a size and a bit to go. It was at this point I realised I hadn't been a size 20/22. Nothing in a size 20 anywhere near fitted me other than these wide legged trousers as leggings

So I looked at my measurements from around this time over the weekend and compared them to sizing charts. I was in fact a size 26-28 squeezed into a size 20-22.   So when I tried to drop a dress size I was in fact really dropping 3-4 sizes

I can now officially tell you I am a size 18. A real size 18 as pretty much all size 18's fit me and some size 16's I kidded myself for years. Would never buy anything above a size 22. if it didn't stretch round me I didn't have it, hence I actually had very little other than a few tshirts, the same littlewoods pull on trousers and a mens xxxxl regatta rain coat and the arms were twice as long as I needed them to get it to do up around me.

I was a negative person. Most unhappy. Most unhealthy. No confidence. IBS. Hated going anywhere. Got tongue tied talking to people and always messed it up so consequently didnt bother. I hated the phone. OMG i'd do anything and go to such lengths not to use it. Thank goodness for email sad really but that was me. I would say I was suffering depression too but would never have admitted it to anyone.

So I did slimming world for a bout a year and lost a couple of stone. Was I happy no not really it didn't change anything really I was still bingeing, grazing and falling into food all the time. I had that awful diet cycle. weigh day always meant eat as little as possible to weigh as little as possible. Do a wee a million times and take the lowest weight. Soon as weighed it was treat day. Eat whatever I wanted, a treat, it was weigh day. Next day it would continue and possibly the next, then i'd wake up around day 3 omg weigh day in 4 days how can I pull it back ? what can I do? OMG why did I do this every week ? Well I wanted to be slim didnt I? In my eyes if I was slim I'd be happy, I'd be confident, everything would be okay.

Then I found the pods. Read the reviews. Had to try them. I wanted a magic wand

They arrived one Saturday morning. I couldn't wait for the men to go to football so I could listen. I clearly remember that day. So they left and I listened. I was so disappointed. This 10 minute track was going to change my life yeah right

But I'd spent money on them I had to try so I continued to listen. I was a chocoholic too. OMG I could eat choccie till it came out of my ears. Feel sick stop and carry on later

Gradually things changed. I began to feel happier. I began to leave food on my plate, not all the time but yes I did leave it.

You know the rest really. But were they the magic wand I was looking for?? Yes they were but not quite in the manner I wanted them to be. I assumed it would all just drop off me and i'd be this happy size 10 confident woman.

What happened? Well you know that story but what I'm trying to say is I am a size 16-18. I am happy. I am calm (most of the time) I was a stress head. a fisherwoman. ask my kids , I am positive, I am confident, I no longer suffer daily with IBS, I can go swimming, I have faith in me, I can drive again abit at a time, I am no longer a chocoholic, I no longer binge daily, I no longer weigh 10 times a day, I can talk to strangers, I can use the phone, the list goes on and on just like me I got that magic wand really didn't I? I got all the things I wanted plus more and I'm no where near a size 10 Being skinny simply wasn't the answer I needed to deal with my head, sort out my terrible relationship with food I have pretty much done that. Its taken me a year at the end of October.

Do you know what I'd happily trade it. I'd stay this size forever keep my slimpods and all they've given me and give up being skinny. I started this journey with one thing in mind to be skinny and I'd give that up now why?? am I a nutter ?? (dont answer that one please) no I'm not a nutter I am just happy. I have confidence. I also know I will reach my goals. I will be happy at size 14 skinny no longer matters. Theres far more to it than that

In these piccies theres a big difference - I have a 'real' smile