A quick reflection on the past year :)

Well what a year to reflect on

I mean where would one start??

This time last year I'd been binge free for one week

I was weighing at least twice a day and always weighed after a pig out or naughty food letting the scales determine my mood for the day or even the week

I'd weigh , then keep going for a wee to see if I'd lost an extra 1lb LOL

I was writing down every morsel that touched my lips. (diet head)

I was buying 'good' foods or 'diet foods' or 'low fat foods' (diet head)

I couldn't go swimming

I hated and had a real fear of driving (and swimming)

I had no confidence

I hated me

I was obsessed with food.

I didn't hear the full signal I was convinced i didn't have one

I wasn't doing my positives and goals properly in fact I was floundering, why ? Because the scales said I was a failure

So alot has changed

I've lost my diet head

Food is now food - simple

I eat when hungry and stop when full often leaving food on my plate

I eat what I fancy and I'm happy to say 90% of the time I make the healthy choice as its what I fancy

I no longer beat myself up when I do eat ie choccie, crisps a mince pie I eat it and savour it

I taste food for the first time in my life

I realise by tasting food I don't like some of my old favourite foods I guess when I used to shove it down it didn't hit the sides so I didn't taste it

I am one of the calmest Mums on the playground rather than a raving stress head

I am a really positive person

I can now see other peoples issues really are theirs not mine

I have confidence

I don't buy low fat, diet foods, I buy food

I enjoy my food

I have a healthy relationship with food

I have a full signal and it works very well indeed

I enjoy the exercise that I do

I won't be starting a diet in January - I will never diet again because I don't need to anymore. The inches will continue to melt away slowly.

I've got this far without an eating plan I promised myself I would and I have its quite liberating actually

I have no wagon to fall off

I have no plan to be off or on

I haven't weighed for ages and the scales no longer call me. I am at peace with them. They are a number, a number that no longer bothers or worries me as I have changed. I don't need them to sell me if I've failed or succeeded anymore. this took a whole year but I am finally there

If I stay this way thats fine I like it. I can eat when I am hungry. I know what hunger is. I know what thirst is... I can finally tell the difference that full signal kicks in and I simply cannot eat another mouthful. Its like a cut off, a zip, I hear it, I stop. I love this again this has taken me just over a year but I no longer listen for it, or look for it, I've found it

I have made some truely amazing friends on this journey. Ones that have stood by me and backed me even when they are following eating plans etc. They've seen me change. They've seen old mouse Jackie slowly melt into the back ground. Shes gone now but my friends are still with me sharing my journey even though i've not been on here every day to offer them support still. Thats what I call true friends. I've learnt what true friendship is, and I like it

You've picked me up when I hit rock bottom. You've listened to my pod ponderings and diet head squeals. But I am finally in a good place. The spaghetti in my head is all untangled.


Last but not least I am at peace with myself. I have lumps and bumps. I still have a large ass and belly but its shrinking and slowly my skin is tightening and I know it will go. It will take time but no hurry I'm not racing anyone I'm simply living my life and getting on with it.

So thank you all each and every one of you have played a big part in this journey. I took the scenic route but I got there . Yes I'm still a size 18 and I've a way to go but I'll get there will it be 2013??? We'll see won't we xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx