A picture speaks a thousand words

How am I getting on?  I am making small changes one at a time and plodding on with my focus being size 18 top and jeans for my birthday on the 2nd of June. It is going well and i'm very focused so here is my journey in photos. Top left me of me yesterday :)

Its all about creating new habits.  Setting yourself up to succeed. All I did was set a small goal. Its easy its achievable and i'm achieving it !  My goal was to walk or do my ttapp each day. I have a choice and 90% of the time I do one or the other. I listen more to y body. What would I like to eat. I simply eat what I fancy and try to stop when I'm full. At first I still overate a little but lately I just stop knowing plenty of food later if I am hungry again :)

Still podding on

I am relaxing into this at the moment

We all have a horrible cold again and I am finding I'm not drawn as much to the healthy choices but having what I fancy but often leaving food and eating less as going with the flow.

I've had the odd bar of chocolate and packet of crisps but seem to have broken my habit of eating several of each ! lol

I feel as if I've lost a few inches and pounds over the last couple of weeks. I don't weigh or measure anymore I just take life a day at a time making long term life style changes bit by bit and I'm happier in the skin i'm in. So a huge step forward

I can look in the mirror and no longer feel disgusted. I see that I can be pretty. I am likeable so all this is good. All big steps forward.

I am so much calmer and happier in general even though I've not slept well with this cold. I've not been constantly eating 'to make myself feel better' either. Just eating when hungry and having the odd treat. Most of the time just having my meals and a bannana in the evening simply because this is what I've wanted.

I feel at peace with myself for the first time in my life. Happy with who I am. So my journey to change my life a step at a time continues :)

Whispers ..... still no chocolate or crisps

3 whole weeks!! Yes you read that right..... miss choccie/crispie monster has gone :)

I've honestly not wanted them or needed them or had them! woohoo!

I am starting my walking and ttapp again.  I am missing the ttapp and find my aches and pains are returning so I start again tomorrow and regularly as I really really found it helped my knees, neck and back alot.

I am eating what I fancy and stopping when full. Eating far far less doing this.

I have 12 Easter Eggs upstairs. All cadburys. They haven't called me once in fact looking at them I don't even fancy them at all !

So operation keep dropping dress sizes has commenced :) Watch this space :)

I'm still podding and changing my life a step at a time!

I keep meaning to blog its always finding ten minutes. There never seems to be a few mins spare.

I have been busy , with help, sorting out my head again. It always amazes me what things can go back to but I truly believe it is all sorted now.

Around Christmas time I tried my jeans on that I've not worn for ages and couldn't pull them up at all, Seriously a long way off. I was gutted and it was my wake up call to stop faffing about and get on with this. I started this journey, there have been bumps in the road, but i'm still on that road, I've never given up. So more work on my mind and I'm in such a good place.

I feel a weight has been lifted. I feel calmer, happier, and smilier, that lovely real smile.

Last week I decided to dig out the jeans from the bottom of the wardrobe hang them up as a goal to get back in them. I dreaded trying them on as I felt so worried how far I had to go. Imagine my total surprise when they fit ! and they were loose.

I wore them for 3 days just as proof I could ! love them!

So if you'd asked me how i've been since xmas I'd probably have moaned and said really struggling. but was I? Had I really been as bad as I believed I was? Couldn't have been could I as those jeans came up to my thighs and stopped. 2 months later they fit loosely again so something was working. The Slimpod. Yep I'd eaten my weight in chocolate and crisps at times to make me feel better BUT I clearly wasn't overeating if that makes sense, ie may have had them but likely ate alot less the rest of the time. :) I have been pulling up my leggings constantly this week. Driving me nuts. It suddenly occurred to me its because I am shrinking.! woohoo! I look slimmer, I feel slimmer, and I feel so happy about it.

Looking back today that pull of chocolate and crisps has finally gone! totally gone.. it is no longer my unconscious 'thing' to help me through life. The crisp drawer is full.  I am not sneaking 4 bars of chocolate at the shop, eating them all and wondering what is going on,  It has stopped. I suddenly don't want or need it again and it feels amazing.

I have taken back control of food.

Something that really helped me to realise was the first part of the book 'Diets Still Don't Work' he talks about 'study how a naturally thin person eats' 'decide you are a naturally thin person and you will be' sort of thing. They don't know how many calories are in anything.  They don't panic if they eat a packet of crisps or two even.  They will not eat at tea time , much to our disgust if we've cooked it, as they are NOT HUNGRY! Food to them is simply FOOD and its why they are naturally skinny they have no issues around food, they haven't allowed diets to rule their life, they have enjoyed their food but stopped when full whatever they are eating. Yep they over eat at meals out but thats it. They eat normally.

That part really made me think. This is exactly what Slimpods do. They retune our minds to eat like naturally skinny people, and then work on encouraging us to make healthier choices too so the best of both worlds.

I cannot begin to tell you how much Sandra Roycroft-Davies and Slimpods have changed my life.  I was a constant ball of anxiety, I was depressed, I was a mess. I could hardly walk anywhere without being out of puff and red in the face.

No I'm not a size 10 yet and actually no longer want to be. This year I will achieve that goal of a comfortable size 14. It really is inevitable and food has no control over me anymore and I am really beginning to enjoy life. I'm so calm. Stresshead has gone totally. I feel so happy and smilie even when tired.

Yesterday the doorbell went. House was a tip upside down but on the doorstep totally out of the blue was my inspiration on my journey. Darin McCloud.  Darin was always there to support me, to be frank with me, to encourage every little walk I did, even if it was just half a mile. He'd be so pleased for me. If I struggled he was always there to pick up the pieces to remind me hes struggled at times, struggling is sometimes a part of our journey but to keep going.  We nattered all day. Old Jackie would have felt anxious and panicky meeting someone for the first time. I did not. It was great to finally meet up :)

So many small changes that add up to a much bigger picture. They really do.  Long term life style changes one at a time :) I am more confident by the day, I no longer have a phone phobia, I leave the house, I am no longer depressed, I no longer suffer anxiety and panic attacks. Step by step changing my life for the better!

update

I am happily wearing 18's all the time. They are stretchy most of the time but every one I have bought is an 18

I have noticed my tummy is going down, my bottom is smaller, my legs etc and all over really.  I have no idea what I have lost in inches or pounds as I am still not weighing or measuring.

My aim is to be in a comfortable size 16 by the middle of November :)

I am regularly doing my Ttapp basic workout plus.  I am doing it around 3 times a week now as less is more with Ttapp and supposed to rest between workouts. It works very very well for me and I am happy that I can see things changing.

I had a pair of Marks and Mpencers stretchy slacks for my holiday at the beginning of August. They were so tight and looked terrible.  My stomach was mooooooooooooooooosive.  I am wearing them now and they are loose all over and totally comfortable.  Also noticed my bra is getting looser so having to do it up tighter.

I have noticed since starting the ttapp again my aches and pains are going. My posture is so much better and I have a spring in my step again. I also find it sets me up for the day, I get more done and feel better in myself. So the plan is to continue doing what I am doing.

I am also making the effort to cook healthier meals again. To stop being lazy around cooking and make the effort :)

little changes

Yesterday I spotted my jeans in the bottom of the wardrobe. Shoved in as no longer fit as I had gain so many inches on my tummy.  I ummed and arghed and decided to get them out and see just how far i had to go to get back in them.  My next goal pair (again lol)..  I put them on, did them up (eek) and wore them all day comfortably (double squeek!) Back in them and comfy and wore them today too! Such an amazing feeling. So I am back in my size 18 pear shape jeans.

How much weight have I lost? No idea...

How many inches have I lost?? No idea...

What is wrong with me??? no idea hehehehehe. I gave up weighing and measuring as whichever I did became an obsession. I now live each day as it comes making small changes that will become good habits.

My first habit is to do my ttapp a few times a week. I am getting up each morning and doing it and find I want to ! Unreal! Its because I know I feel so so so much better for it and its simply 15 mins thats it. Less is more with ttapp so I don't have to do it every day.

I am trying to do some short walks too. Today we walked to the post office and took Carla at lunch time for half an hour. :)

Little changes , one at a time, so they become lifestyle habits :)

Todays new habit is to drink more water. I am guilty of not really drinking enough so I have a nice glass of water beside me as I work :)

update

So I set myself two mini goals

1) To do my ttapp each day

2) To consider what I am eating


I have done my ttapp 5 times each week.  I have decided this is achievable for me and I am happy with that. At first I found it such a struggle to make myself do it but now I find myself getting up and on with it as I know I'll feel so much better.

My shape is starting to change. No weight no measurement so cannot be exact but I bought some jeggings before I went away and they feel so much better today, my ankles are thinner and the top I am wearing is loose rather than tight round the tummy so something is happening

Goal 2- I have eaten alot better but the first week I realised my portions are huge again. So I changed the to goal to 'consider what I am eating and listen for the full signal'  I have found this works better for me. I have still served up too much but I am leaving food again so this is all good.

I have craved humous, cucumber and carrot sticks with my lunch rather than crisps too.

I am feeling calmer, slimmer, happier and more confident again so I pod on :)

I'm back!

Had a lovely week at Centerparcs and been back a week today

I enjoyed a little cycle, went swimming lots of times, walking more and generally relaxing and reading other than that

I read 'The Slight Edge' while away and about to reread it as loved it and feel its very inline with slimpods.

I am back to doing TTapp and walking as my exercise. I am a firm believer we must do what works for us not what someone suggests we do. I kept going off the ttapp and trying other things as others insisted i'd do better.. Did I?? No because the other things weren't me :( I hated them so I wasn't ever going to commit was I?

Ttapp improves my posture, helps my back, will help my knees once been doing it longer again, and simply melts the inches

This time I've chosen not to weigh. Not to measure but simply keep going as this is long term and my aim is to be a size 12/14 by beginning of March next year. I am currently a good size 18/20 so lets see what happens.

I chose not to measure as well as not to weigh as whichever I used to chose became an obsession so instead I just keep checking in the mirror to see if I awoke a size 12 hehehehehehhehe Always some way to check eh?

I have chosen ttapp basic workout plus as its around 16 mins everday for 10 days then every other day until I get to a comfortable size then just 2-3 times a week.  If I can't do one tomorrow I won't beat myself up I will simply do one sunday and keep going as some days are harder than others. I have completed my first 5 days today and I'm so proud of myself as each morning i've not felt like it but have to own up I feel a million times better each day for doing it :) am I a size 12 yet? Nope but I can see wee changes already and my holiday bloating is changing shape already :)

Centerparcs for hubby's 50th 2014

Well I am here.

Last time I was here

I didn't swim
I didn't cycle
I hardly walked
I went to the parc market and bought secret chocolate,crisps etc and ate them while the others were out swimming cycling etc
I didn't sleep
I was anxious all the way here and the whole time
Lived on immodium due to terrible IBS

this year

I've been swimming every day so far
I've been cycling most days and even suggested my daughter and I go cycling today alone and we did !
I have walked everywhere, not saying i'm at my fittest as I'm not but I am happy trying
No anxiety on the way here, we even stopped for a coffee used to be a big no no as I was just so tense the whole journey to every holiday we've ever had
No secret buying or eating. I've even left food at most meals and eaten what I fancied but known when to stop
My kids have kept me awake until 2-3am so far but I have managed to get to sleep afterwards
I am more smiley
I am calmer
I am enjoying my holiday more

When I packed I found my old store of immodium that I never ever take now :) What a massive list of positives already and still four days left!

One week until Centerparcs!

I am so looking forward to this holiday as so need it.

Things I love in the lead up

I plan to go swimming. I even have two size 18 swimming costumes (eek!) Not one to shove in the case and never use, but two i love and plan to use!!! Huge huge step forward.

I plan to go cycling.  I never take my bike. I usually get out the Jackie book of excuses and use one or two. This year hubby commented about ie me not taking my bike and not going swimming and was shocked that I planned to. :) hehehehehehe

Goal - I am still working on it. I want to achieve it but had a set back. In the lead up I've been having sleeping problems and panicky feelings at night which in turn left me tired, grumpy and struggling. All things that seem to ensure I make bad food choices as feel so zombieish.  The good news is that has now been dealt with :)  I had a problem with sleeping/travelling that went back to aged 18 (OMG!!) it was a total shock as not at all what I expected it to be but its gone!!  I went to Greece aged 18 and the whole thing was abit of a shock to me. So basic, so hot, no key to our room, all sorts, so I struggled to sleep and clock watched. I had totally forgotten this as it was a few years ago hehehehe. Then next holiday was Tunisia and that had its own set of problems and the two together seem to have built up so that going on holiday/travelling/sleeping are all this huge mess.  Its gone!! woohoo!  had two fab nights sleep and I'm feeling so much more relaxed and ready to face the world again.

I even got up early today because I wanted to and its the school holidays so I didn't have to. I'm back to my TTapp basic work out plus. I usually chose step away the inches if I'm honest as its simple and easy but I have chosen the other one!! This is so unlike me but I know it works. It produces longer leaner muscle (yes I will have some muscle rather than all the flab)! and its just 15 mins a day.  Its not easy to master but this time I've picked up happily where I left off and can do 90% of it.  It seems to give my body strength, help my knees and my back pain so really its a good 15 mins spent so I plan to stick to it this time as I was getting lower back trouble and neck trouble again and already I am seeing huge improvements.

So Centerparcs here I come!

size 18 here I come again

I've spent alot of time working on my head.  I gained more than I thought but I've never given up.  I am back to Ttapp as that is what works for me.  I can fit it in, I like it and it melts the inches in just 20 mins a day or less, so that suits me best and walking when I can . I plan to up the walking too.

I have noticed the wee gremlins jumping in trying to ruin it for me as my shape changes. Partly because as I get my waist back and my tummy starts to go down I get this spare shelf around my hips which I hate. I go from all rounded like a telly tubby to lumpy for a while and this is the point I often give in as in my eyes this look is worse than the all rounded one hehehehehe as is between sizes. So that is where I am today, but today I chose to wear a dress (eek!) I do not do dresses. To me I could only ever wear a dress when slim and I've stuck to that for more years that I can count, but today despite the extra shelf and still being and 18/20 I am wearing a dress !!

On Saturday I wore cycle shorts.  Biggie?  Yes it is as I truly believe this is one mammoth step forward for me mentally. Going out in public in something my mind always told me I couldn't do until slim is accepting lifes hurdles and allowing them to be a part of my journey. Its like my mind has finally accepted that it is now inevitable I will be slim.!  To me thats a huge biggie so I am grinning.

So the shelf... I have 2 weeks and one day until Centerparcs, so rather than give in and accept I am this size, I chose to pop it up a notch with the exercise today and do the Basic Workout Plus. Now I've not done this for over a year probably nearer two years but I KNOW it works omg I know it works .  Its only 20 mins but omg I sweat lol and 2 years a go when I bought it I could not do 5 mins. I had to build it up section by section over several weeks until I could finally do the whole workout... today I popped it in the dvd player and did the full workout. I knew about it but I had the stamina and the health to do it in one go :) I am so so proud of myself.  I cannot tell you how good it feels so now I need to fit this in once a day until my holiday :) I CAN DO THIS.

I feel I've climbed a huge mountain lately. I've had days where its easier to hit the crisps and chocolate and then I've found myself thinking 'what was that all about'  I could see what I was doing and rather than give into the gremlins I've squished them each time. As with all gremlins the more I squished the more they came back and i've had quite a rollercoaster of a fortnight but I do feel they are going now and that will help my tummy go down more as crisps and bread bloat me and my stomach was alot flatter prior to the gremlin fortnight. This time I've fought them and won. I've accepted them as hurdles I must jump over rather than walk around.  This time I'm going for goal  :)  Its a very empowering feeling. Old Jackie would never have upped the exercise a notch to deal with 'the shelf' she'd have given into the gremlins as it was easier. I won't give into them as I've reached a time in my journey where I must deal with them and accept its a part of years and years of what I did just trying to squeeze back into my life. Its my choice if I let them isn't it? It's down to me?  Well I've chosen not to let them this time.

So here is todays piccie. Not a pretty sight but I'm a work in progress and I'm wearing a fitted dress despite not liking my figure or the 'shelf' that always appears as I begin to exercise.  But then look at the last photo.... THE REAL SMILE :) because I KNOW I CAN DO IT :)

The moral of this story is acceptance and never giving in, for me acceptance has been the harder one.

its nearly Easter Again!

Yet another long gap between blogs I am sorry.  I've been sorting my head out with the lovely Sandra. We finally got to the bottom of it.  My turning to food for everything went right back to when I was a very little girl.  Its been quite an experience but finally we have got to the bottom of what was going on in my head.

Food was comfort. Not fuel. Not something I ate because hungry it made me feel better. So food has played an enormous part in my life for over 40 years!!

So suddenly all that had gone (eek!) It felt like someone had emptied my head and zapppp! thats it... it was the most weird feeling I've ever experienced. I celebrated with some chocolate biscuits, but as I was eating them it was like 'What's this all about I'm not hungry'! oooooerrr - going to the biscuits was simply a knee jerk reaction.

I've spent years with food as my best friend. Suddenly its like I'm Jackie no mates. Food isn't my friend. Its fuel.  The last few days have been an eye opener. Often not hungry until lunch. Opening the fridge making something healthy, leaving some on my plate and the same at tea time.  I've not had 100% healthy at every meal but I am eating a lot lot less. The pull just isn't there. Its just food.

In this past week or so the difference has been astounding. No chocolate. No biscuits. No crisps. That 'feeling' has gone.

Easter - whats the big deal. A couple of things really. In the past I'd be depressed in the lead up to Easter in quite a big way. My Dad died just after Easter 9 years ago this year. Very suddenly. Out like a light. He had just turned 60 :( My world fell apart and my eating and feelings just spiralled out of control. It was an awful time.

Food made me feel better. Food gave me comfort. Food gave me the love I wanted.

So normally from March till just after 16th April (anniversary of his passing) I'd eat rubbish constantly as it made me feel better. Or I believed it did.

I used to buy Cadbury Easter Eggs because 'they were on offer' ready for Easter. I'd then eat one or two a day, hide the evidence in drawers, jiffy bags, tucked under shelves, to dispose of when everyone was at work or school.  I'd then replace the Easter eggs. I would get through loads and nobody ever knew what I did. I'd do the same with chocolate and crisps. Hiding the evidence in my work drawers as work at home, sellotaping chocolate wrappers up in envelopes so nobody could see what was in them and bin them :( Awful.

I bought my Easter Eggs today and we are right into April.  I took them all and hid them in my wardrobe for the Easter Bunny. Charlie is 10 and believes there is an Easter bunny and reminded me he will be bringing her eggs and presents soon ! eek! realisation easter bunny has no eggs yet! So I did a quick Asda shop and they came today. Do remind me he also needs a present or two :) I'll forget you see.

My wardrobe is full of cadburys. I'm not tempted.  Its like someone has flicked this switch. I am free. Free from the food demons I've fought for 40 years.

Just under two weeks ago I found a  pair of old work trousers I used to wear. Size 18. I decided that would be my next goal.  No ' I will be a size 18' by a date. I am just going to find one item at a time, when I can wear it, goal reached.  When I can wear it find the next one.  So I tried them on about 10 days ago. OMG couldn't pull them up my thighs, only a bit.  Yesterday they fell out my wardrobe so thought I'd try again. I can pull them up but a few inches of belly needs to go before I can do them up but massive difference in 10 days! I am really quite excited now.

The pair of jeans I got back into a few weeks ago are now baggier, quite lose in places.

My eating has totally changed. I just eat what I fancy which is often extremely healthy foods, not always, and stop when full. Others sit and eat cake, biccies choccies and if not hungry it has no pull anymore. Its like a new world to me. I am finally letting the Slimpods do their job as there is no longer an emotional attachment to food. At first it felt like I'd lost my best friend as I didn't know what to do with myself :( I felt quite lost but now it feels absolutely blooming amazing and I am so excited what the rest of the year holds for me :)

Podding on and changes are happening

Its been up and down lately BUT I am noticing lots of changes that are really amazing. I have had like little head fights, where I'm thinking mmmm fancy crisps, voice in my head 'you don't need them' me, mute that voice, eat them. Its been quite comical looking back as a high percentage of the time I've listened to the voice and moved on. Occassionally I've muted it and eaten ie the crisps but realised afterwards a) why I ate them b) I didn't enjoy or taste them. Interesting.

All my life I've turned to food for everything. But main one to 'make me feel better'. Of course, this can mean stress, upset, ill, anger all sorts of things, so life really did revolve around food.

I have been eating better without really thinking about it 'most' of the time. I'm not snacking like I was, and yesterday was an interesting day.

I felt stressed, migrainy and tearful. BUT not once did I turn to food. In fact I even mentioned I'd looked at the box of creme eggs i'd bought puposely to eat and hide the evidence (yesterday in a small shop) and said 'they won't make me feel better' I then proceeded to put them on the kitchen top for the family to eat :eek!!!: Yes I put them out. Knowing that meant if I had one, two, three etc everyone would know. They are still sat there under my nose and they are not calling me. I was even offered one last night when they all had one and I asked for a yoghurt!

I also noticed when hormonal last week all I wanted was chocolate. Each time I had it its all I craved each day. What I'm trying to say is when I eat rubbish all I do is crave more rubbish when I don't keep eating it I can take or leave it happily!

These are all big changes for me :)

I've been doing MUTU core 1 each day when I can. I know it should be every day but I am doing what I can manage to fit it and enjoying which to me is more important.

I have also take princess barky knickers one two one hour walks this week. We were both shattered after each but think its fair to say we both enjoyed it and will be doing this regularly again.

My stomach is already going down and I'm generally beginning to feel better again and have more energy.

Today I wasn't hungry until just now. I found myself making a side salad (unreal!) a sweet potato as a jacket potato, a teeny piece of brie and some grapes.!  Jacket potatoes were always white ones with butter and loads of grated cheese and quiche. I mean thats a treat. I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch and didn't feel I was missing anything as its what I fancied.

I have a main goal of wearing my size 16 John Lewis knitted dress end in April to a wedding evening reception. That might be pushing it if I'm honest but hey a girl has to set her sights high doesn't she!! Watch this space. Can I do it ?? I'll certainly try my best x

edited to add, changes continue :) I feel I have more energy, I feel happier. Tonight I am making spaghetti bolognese which I love.  Apparently I fancy tonnes of roasted veggies with a little cous cous??? Where has Jackie gone?? I mean stand a peel loads of veg?? choose it over a favourite meal???

I'm back!

I've felt really blurgh lately and I know its because I've got lazier and lazier. Mainly because I've been so busy and then using that as an excuse not to walk, not to exercise and then it set in.... so today i'm back.

I've found I don't sleep well when lazy. I was awake for 3 hours and in the night again and felt like a zombie when I got up and looked like one too.

a few weeks ago I started MUTU. I loved it even though I am so unfit at the moment but I moved on to the intensive workout too quickly for me and I hurt myself. Totally my fault and lesson learnt. So today I got out the DVD again and did core phase 1. Despite being lazy I found that easier still than the first time I did it so thats a plus isn't it ? :) I then decided to pop my Lesley Sansome DVD on and enjoyed a one mile boosted walk. I wanted to try two but think this time I am going to be sensible and listen to my lazy body hehehehe so I don't have an excuse not to carry on. So one boosted mile done too and I feel so much better for it. Tired but better :)  I now need to move some furniture and hoover before the Virgin Media man comes to swap our internet over.  First step in moving away from 20 years of copyright... scarey? no exciting !!!  Then I can have the old BT line and internet removed next month and move on !! woohoo!! I cannot wait. I need rid of it all. New start :)

So today is my new start. :) I've never stopped podding I just stopped believing in myself for a while and then it became a downhill spiral and I kept clambering out of and falling back in. This time I'm staying up :) I can do it.

It became a cycle of drop a size and shove it back on fast. Like being scared of being slim and to a point I was. My head was so mixed up... Then I noticed the eating 'to feel better' and of course to feel better can be stress, upset, ill, etc etc, so that became a loop too.  I feel I've more or less broken that loop now. its 90% better already so fingers crossed as this is my year! I am determined to stop this cycle and keep going rather than going round and round in the same circle.

I realised way back that for me exercise was key. Yet I'm lazy. Never liked sport at school either.  I think my problem was in my head I was always looking for the 'quick fix' still. Not so much diet but exercise related so rather than going with what I liked I kept trying things I didn't to lose the inches quicker but it was always counterproductive. I didn't put this weight on over night and I cannot expect to wake up a size 10 one day, ie just like that! if I did I'd likely die of shock! So I actually need to make some effort myself.

I do believe we are what we eat. I eat crap well what do I expect to look like? Someone talked of beige food at the weekend.  beige = bad = biscuits, bread, crisps, potatoes, quiche etc etc..... it did get me thinking I do eat stodge, we've fallen back into the takeaway once a week, again lazyness but partly me not wanting to look good.  So now I know what I'm doing I can change it can't I?

One takeaway a week is money we don't have so I need to start thinking of recipes we'll all love, easy to make, but better for us. That won't be hard will it? I mean most things are better for us that a McDonalds or fish and chips :)

Exercise, I hate to admit, makes me feel better. I think in a way for too long 'I didn't want to feel better' I didn't want to be thin.  Yet I set out buying my Slimpod to be thin???? I mean whats wrong with me??  It went back to something big in childhood so now it makes sense why I don't want to look good and its been dealt with, so now I can do this as its not holding me back anymore.  Exercise seems to make me feel better, sleep better, and generally have some energy. So today was day one back on the exercise wagon :) Lets see what exercise I can manage, (sensibly) in March :)

Who is with me?

Back to blogging!

I am going to try and update my blog regularly again :)

I am still slimpodding :) podding on.

Still a size 18 BUT  changing all the time. Slimpods have been life changing for me. Giving me back some confidence  - a work in progress but little steps soon equal far bigger ones.

I am a different woman to the one who found slimpods back in 2012.  So many things have changed in my life.

My little facebook shop LilyRose has grown and continues to grow :) I'd never have  been able to do this 2 years ago :) I had so confidence in my abilities you see yet now I am successfully taking many orders each week for my hand stamped jewellery and dog tags :) I love love love what I do :)

If you want to look at LilyRose is www.facebook.com/giftslilyrose

My Dad would be proud of me. He was the one who always had faith in me :)

I have started MUTU too but struggling this week as kids are off and hubby, so doing bits when I can and more effort next week when they all go back to work and school.  I've been wearing my new barefoot shoes every single day and gone for a walk and find them so comfortable. I love them. It really is like being barefoot. I've always been one to wander around barefoot so I'm not surprised these suit me.

Prior to them breaking up from school I tried the MUTU first intensive workout !! Oh my goodness the next day I found I had achy muscles. Only just recovered. Think it was the squatting exercises that did it... I think I am going to have to do bits of the intensive one at a time until my poor body can cope !! hehehehehehe

It made me realise how unfit I must be. So although its a 12 week programme I am going to take it a little slower than that and build it up :) I do think its really good though and can see how it will work :)

I have peeled off many layers on this journey and really do feel I am now getting somewhere. I smiled today when I made a healthy sandwich at lunch, grabbed a packet of french fries crisps to go with it. At 5pm the crisps were still sat on my desk!! unopened.  I popped them back in the drawer! I didn't need them! Unheard of... a) to eat a sarnie with no crisps b) not to eat the crisps and follow it with at least one more pack c) to put them back !!  I also had a really stressy day and didn't turn to crisps and chocolate, massive massive step forward for me :) woohoo! In the past food was always there 'to make me feel better'. Of course it never did but I tried to none the less.

blog for 21st September I forgot to post!

A few things were said to me today that made me realise just how different my life is since finding slim pods. The first was 'you look shapely' lol, yep my jeans are baggy and I can nearly pull them down without undoing them  The second was 'you are so much calmer and so happy these days'... how true is that. I've stuck at a size 18 for about a year now. Not really gained not really lost and don't we all get despondent when this happens. I read it all the time on here. Not happening, feel despondent, but we are forgetting the changes that are happening, have happened and will continue to happen if we just give the Slimpods a chance.

I was a size 28 hermit. I didn't leave the house. I had zero confidence. I'm now a size 18 and looks years younger, feel years younger, feel alive. I am happier, I am slimmer, I am fitter, I have control over food, I am confident. I've started a little business in mid July making hand stamped jewellery, medical jewellery, dog tags. People love it, I love it. I had the confidence to do this.  I am loving life. I am no longer the stress head of a mother I used to be. I'm the calmest mum on the playground by far. Silly things don't get to me like they used to. I'm no longer wound up like a coil ready to spring. I'm calm and confident and happy.

So when you feel despondent, wonder if its working, ask yourself 'why did I turn to slimpod?' you likely will answer that you wanted something different, no more dieting, no more deprivation, you wanted control back over your eating, you likely like myself wanted to get off that turntable. Do you want to go back to that? I 110% do not. I am happy to take this slowly. Slimpods have changed my life so much and I can never thank anyone enough for what they have done for me. I started this to gain back control and i've achieved that tenfold. I feel amazing. I really am a new woman and i'd rather take this scenic route and enjoy my life that worry about calories, syns or points or starving and bingeing. I've not binged for two years this xmas.  I binged daily before.

I've made some amazing friends and been inspired by some amazing people. 

Waffle over but when you feel abit low, or abit despondent, just remember why you bought your Slimpod, let it work, give it time to work, it really isn't a race and it really will change your life  off to finish my orders  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

time for a blog!

I cannot believe how long its been since I last blogged I really must start doing this regularly as this journey is amazing.

I've been so so busy with LilyRose and my copyright work I've not had much if any spare time lately.  LilyRose took off so quickly and I am so so happy about this as I love making the jewellery and medical bracelets and so many lovely mementos and gifts for people.

Anyway, slimpods,.  I have stuck around size 18 for a year. If I was dieting I'd be gutted. I'd be a failure. But I have learnt so much in this past year and changed so much. My confidence is returning and without Slimpods I'd never have had the confidence to even consider starting up LilyRose.

Its like chibbling away at layers of an onion. I think I hit the thickest layer but I really do feel I'm nearly through it now. Time to let go of what's left of the weight.  I've gone from a size 28 (I believed I was a size 20 at the beginning as I could squeeze into some 20's lol. It was only on measuring and trying on more fitted clothes I realised just how big I had got) I lived in cuckoo land!!

So time to start exercising again and stop making excuses.  I've been walking Carla more again and now I feel its time to get Lesley Sansome out or my ttapp walking DVD as they work very well for me and both make me feel better in myself so will probably mix and match and use both. Lesley has that infectious smile. within a couple of minutes of her DVD I'm smiling and determined so that can't be bad can it ?  TTapp I love as its helped me to stop slouching, no duck feet hehehehe that phrase makes me laugh but so true walking with feet out etc and its helped my neck and back ache so much,  Why did I stop? summer holidays really got out of the routine and simply got lazy.

Done some work recently and feel we've reached the core of my issues around food now, so I just now need to learn to move on without the issues :) I've noticed I no longer go for the crisps. This is huge for me as every issue seemed to = grab and eat two or three packets of crisps, not tasting them just eating them fast as if no control. Not a binge by any means as I've been binge free for two years in December, just like I subconsciously go to them and no stopping me. It has stopped.  I am snacking abit on the odd biscuit etc but I'm back to listening to my chocolate pod and its helping alot and going away again.  I am feeling so much more in control again too,.

One of the issues it all went back to was big and I've spent 33 years with my mind protecting me, now I know what was causing it the jigsaw is complete. Each piece now in place. Its taken me a couple of weeks to piece together and see all the things it affected.  It all makes sense now.  Changes are happening.

I always had this thing about approval,. Starting up LilyRose seemed to set this off big time and make it more noticeable. I'd be making a bespoke piece, send photos, await approval, It was fine if that person replied immediately but if they were busy and didn't reply for 24hours my world fell apart each time, my hand went for the crisps as that 'feeling' I got while awaiting approval, not feeling in control, triggered off a reaction. Quite amazing really. As I say so many things in my life make sense now that I know the root cause.  The mind is just so powerful its unbelievable.

What has this journey given me? I've said it before and I'll say it again, My life back. I'd been slowly becoming almost hermit like. Not wanting to go out much, not wanting to interact with people, but alot of that goes back to approval too, not being good enough, not feeling good enough, the whole thing was a vicious cycle that seemed to just go round and round. Its gone :) so now I just need to build new ways of doing things. Start enjoying life., As my confidence grows the more it grows in life.

Sometimes I look back and cannot believe the changes in me :) Little mouse Jackie is going bit by bit. New Jackie is emerging day by day. I really can do this. We really really can achieve anything we put our minds to. Its just being determined and never giving up.  I've never ever given up on the Slimpods because I know they work I just began to realise at times I overrid them and it was working out why :)

So now its time to reset some smart goals and get on with life. Its almost a weird feeling no longer 'needing food'.  Its quite obviously controlled me for such a long time and now I've taken back control. I think thats what made me go for the biscuits and chocolate a little bit later,. Because I could. But it wasn't a binge it was like mmmm really fancy that I'll have it. There are no banned foods. I can have them. Its like a little phase I went through at the beginning of the Slimpods. Enjoying having what I wanted because I was in control and no food was off limits. Then as time goes on you begin to make healthier choices because you want to and thats where my mind is more this week :) woohoo!

Anyone thinking of buying a Slimpod, buy it! Anyone thinking of giving up my question to you is why??  Do you want to go back to dieting? starving yourself? Making food forefront in your mind and start the vicious circle up again?? I certainly don't!  You cannot expect the pods to change your life overnight.  Yes they will for some, and for others it will take longer, but thats just it many give up before they've really had time to work their magic, assuming they don't work and one of things I've noticed over the years is people miss little changes because they are not writing down their positives. Things like leaving food on their plate. Not feeling hungry until lunch. Eating smaller portions etc etc. Always check you are following those 3 golden rules,. They are such simple easy rules that many drop one or two and just listen. The golden rules are there to help you to succeed so use them! and yes I'll practise what I preach and reset my goals!

Summer time fun

Gosh not updated my blog for ages now.

I've had a stressful time lately and overridden the pods a few times but I am still podding and seem to be coming out the other side again now. I am noticing what sort of things set me off and trying to deal with each thing.

Extreme stress is one of them, also another seems to be when waiting to hear if someone is happy with something I've done for them. ie waiting on a reply to an email, a pm, if its something I feel i've done wrong, or something I need approval for. This has happened a few times over the last few months, its like I can't bear the wait and nibble on rubbish (but only until i'm full) hehehehehehe. I haven't binged for well over 18 months now. I can't. I can still turn to crap when stressed or its triggered but once full I have to stop. The outcome tends to be I feel lethargic and bloated but don't gain weight lol. So my motto is 'eat crap, feel crap'!

New Jackie has more confidence. Alot more confidence in fact.  So much so that I have been busy setting up my little hand stamped jewellery and memories shop on facebook.

I would never have been able to do this prior to Slimpods. I had zero self confidence and faith in myself.

 I am loving it as its something I am so passionate about.  A friend asked me to make a medical bracelet for her son. He doesn't like to wear one as the official ones are terribly expensive and ugly but she worries as felt he should wear one so I set out on a mission to produce something abit funky for him and this was the result.

I also made a keyring so he had something on his house keys too. On the back of each was his Mum's mobile number in case of an emergency.

Then I made simple tags to go on bags, belts, keyrings etc

Then I became totally stunned by the amount of requests I was receiving to make something unique to each person. Something they would feel happy and proud to wear but served a purpose. I had millions of ideas running around my head.  People loved them :) They were thrilled to have 'normal' jewellery which served a very important purpose for them should anything ever happen. So these two bracelets are examples of more funky jewellery I created.  These could even be made as sterling silver charm bracelets with hand stamped charms :)

Some wanted something even more simple so I made up bangles. At a distance its simply a plain pretty bangle (bangles don't photograph well which is sad as they are far far more pretty and durable than they look)

I also make pretty jewellery too but as I say I've been totally stunned by the amount of interest in the medical jewellery, to me its far better someone wears something they are comfortable with than refuse to wear something which could at some point save their life.

So over the summer LilyRose was born. My hobby turned into something more. Why the name LilyRose? Why handstamped jewellery? 8 years ago I lost my lovely Dad. I wanted a memento. I searched high and low for a handstamped silver bangle. In the end I got one made in the US and shipped over. I bought all the metal stamps and forgot all about them. I struggled to stamp so gave up. A few weeks ago I got a bangle off a lovely lovely lady on fb. It made me want to try again so I ordered more stamps as I've got 8 years ideas in my head! I love making things and I want others to be able to discuss ideas and we make something unique for them too :) I love something abit different so LilyRose was born. Lily was my Nana's name and her favourite flower. Roses were my Dad's favourite flower. 

If you would like to look at what I have been making this is my little page.

https://www.facebook.com/giftslilyrose

The page gives ideas of what can be made but the whole idea is that we make something unique to you.

My head is in a good place!

I am feeling really positive and confident at the moment.  My head is back in a good place and I have faith in me.

This week I have noticed big changes in my eating habits. I am just waiting until I feel hungry and eating, and then stopping when full. I am not constantly eating just because its lunch time, or breakfast time. I do eat my main meal with the family though as its the one time of day we all sit together.

I am noticing I am really considering what it is I want and having it. I've also noticed I am serving up smaller portions again and finding them satisfying as I know I can eat again if hungry. Most of the time I am not needing to. Last night I felt hungry so I had some rich tea biscuits and a yogurt. It was what I fancied. I have never been a fan of Rich Tea biscuits so its an odd choice for me to make but it hit the spot and I enjoyed it.

I am trying to master hula hooping. Hmmmm I am not succeeding at all apparently I am simply not moving my hips! Or so Charlie says! I am believe it or not trying to! I am not giving in. I shall just have to keep trying!

I have noticed on 3 occasions in the past 2 weeks, my 'hands' have wanted food. I know that sounds odd but its abit like smoking I guess. Years and years of ingrained habits and certain circumstances (usually stress for me) make my hands want food. I know I'm not hungry, I don't need it, but my hands do, Why oh why don't mind hands chose to want fruit? or a healthy snack? No when my hands want food its always chocolate and crisps. Eaten fast and before you know it you are 4 penguins and 3 bags of crisps in, then I sit on my hands! But I observed it, I see what sets me off now and I am doing something about it .

In the past though with all the stress I've had it would have been and was a daily occurrence several times a day, not just the odd one once a day, and these days I realise what I am doing and stop and simply carry on normally. I don't spend weeks bingeing and feeling sorry for myself. It happened. Its done. Its dusted. move on. This works well for me as limits the damage and I don't feel overwhelmed.

Its like I'm taking back my control of food one step at a time and not many steps left now as most of the time I have total control. My hands don't!

I find I chose to walk to town, even in this extreme heat rather than take the car which is here most of the time now as Gary uses a company car/van thingy. I have a sedantry job really so I find I am getting up and doing something just little bits rather than sit there all day as I did. Kids are off now for the summer so I will be up and down far more being referee!  You'd think as one is 16 and one just 9 all would be calm wouldn't you? Big age gap? Different interests? Oh no their main interest is winding each other up. Even at 16 if your little sister kicks you, its okay to kick her back, but harder and then say I didn't hurt her!!  They are both as bad that's for sure.

I am slowly changing my beliefs in myself.  Its taking time but I can see it changing slowly for the better :) Changing my life a step at a time :) for the better, for good!

All About Me!

Whenever I hit a blip for whatever reason I look back at pictures. I actually hate having my photograph taken! Always have. But pictures tell a story don't they. Here I am hiding behind a) my hair b) my dog! and looking at the dog so as not to look at the camera. I hate this photo. Was it taken from an iffy angle? Nope all the photos that day are just as bad. Yep I really did look like that! eek!

Then I found this picture

Look sideways Jackie don't look at that camera. I lived in black. I thought I looked slimmer! As one does.

The hair is off my face abit though, not totally hiding behind it.

Then I start my slimpod journey and here I am 

The slouched shoulders, no confidence.

Then today

Whats different?? I've come out from behind the hair, I'm actually looking at the camera as I took this picture. And look at the smile. That real smile :)

Have I reached my target yet? Nope a fair way to go. But I am not recognizable as the woman I was before. I walk tall. No slouched shoulders. I smile alot more.  I am far far happier.

Yes my stomach feels huge at the moment. Its partly hormonal that's for sure but we won't go into that, its all part and parcel of being a woman!  Its been this way 2 months now and I let it get me down but why? Its me isn't it? Its just how it is? Why am I so bothered?? I felt a failure again. Yep that blooming word failure. Why oh why does that word come up so much ? I guess because its my belief. I believe I am a failure. So lets change that word forever shall we??

F  = FRIENDS = I've made some fantastic friends on my journey

A = ACTION = move that body for a better body - I move around more now

I = INSPIRE = I inspire some people to keep going

L = LIKE = I like me again!

U = UNDERSTAND = I understand what others are going through and love to help

R = REAL = I have a real smile

E = EYES = I have pretty eyes

The other thing is I have spent the last few years thinking I look gross. Disgusting. Quick hide behind as many clothes as possible. I've spent ever summer in leggings. Thick black leggings or trousers. :( Awful.  This year I got sick of it. Why hide? Who's looking at me for goodness sake the World has far better things to do than to look and me and think "OMG look at her!" but I honestly used to believe they did. Stare at me. Think I was gross and disgusting just as I thought.

2 weeks ago I got hold of my two pairs of stretchy black trousers and cut the legs off. Shorts that happily fit over my larger belly. I've lived in them since! I've not got changed to walk to town, to go for coffee, to go to the shops. I am me. I went out as me! and guess what nobody said anything and I didn't look at the pavement. I didn't hunch my shoulders. I didn't dash back indoors and hide from the World, I went out. I enjoyed it. I walked tall with a smile and many smiled and said hi back to me!

I finally have confidence. I may not have a size 14 body yet, but I have something far better than that I feel happier. I can talk to people I don't know. I can go outside in shorts and not give a stuff what others think. So if like me you are hiding behind thick leggings, long tops, stretchy trousers. DON'T!!!! Be you! Be happy! Enjoy your life. 

I will be a size 14 and I will get there this year :) I am determined. I am actually beginning to believe I really can do this. I didn't believe I could before so I was never going to get there. My beliefs are changing :) I've changed so much in my life I am now only one step away from getting that size 14 body. Its quite a big step really. Abit like climbing a mountain, but imagine that sense of achievement when you get to the top of that mountain :) How amazing will that feel? I know how amazing it will feel. I can 'feel' what it will feel like. I can visualise it now :)  Look how long its taken me to truly believe that YES I CAN DO IT!

I have dealt with so much and now I'm on the last hurdle. My belief in me. My faith in me. Its been a long journey for me. Would I change it? NO.  Trevor says 'There is no failure only feedback' and he's right. Each blip, each tear, each hair pulled out in frustration is for a reason. We grow as we learn. I've learnt so much about me.

I have had the most stressful year possible but I have come out the other side. I am a confident woman again. I have a real smile :)