I am normal!!! hehehehehehe

hmmmm just a very quick ramble as work to do and mustn't procrastinate hehehehehe

I feel i've let go of something big in the last few days. I think in my head I always thought with becoming skinny everything would be perfect? Does that makes sense? ie being a size 12/14 would make me happy, confident, positive etc etc etc the list is endless. Everything revolved around a size/weight?

I let go of that this last week. I accepted that actually that wasn't true. Being slim doesn't make someone confident, happy, positive etc etc. Being slim just makes them slim thats it. I accepted that and let go of my obsession with a size or weight. I've had an amazing week. I feel a different woman? Why? Because I've spent 14 months facing my demons, working hard on 'me' and you know what ? I am feeling amazing! I feel confident. I can hold my head high. I have a real smile. I exercise daily. I eat normally. I feel good inside. Yep I'm still a size 18/20 but I feel fab!

The rest will come. I continue to set myself mini size goals. My latest is to fit into a comfortable size 18 outfit which is hanging up for the end of March. My next goal will be comfortable size 16 outfit for middle-end May. So my mind has a focus and knows what I want, the rest is just about living.

I thought about it alot lately. I set out to be healthier (tick - done - and still tweaking and improving this), I set out to live longer (I am hopefully achieving this), I set out to be normal around food - done , no bingeing - done, to have some self esteem - done, to smile a real smile - done, To love myself - getting there. To feel fitter - improving daily, work in progress but thats fine, its what its all about.

I am no longer obsessing. By not obsessing = no pink elephant syndrome! The more I obsessed the worse my eating got, it was like a cycle.  I was encouraging 'different days' by obssessing over them. My lovely friend Dawn, wrote about pink elephants. This post has really given me food for thought and helped me to move on http://www.thinkitchangeit.com/blog/?p=9  Dawn's blog is well worth a read there are some fab posts on there many of which have really helped me to put life back into perspective. To see it rationally and not just this tunnel vision of losing weight.  There are several posts on Dawn's blog that gave me lightbulb moments. I've had a lot of lightbulb moments with discussions with Dawn lately. Also Sandra at Thinking slimmer. Giving me that focus. Never giving up on me.  Showing me I am worth it!  I can do it! I really can. Neither let me give up. Each time I hit a hurdle they both jumped in and held my hand and showed me there was a way through it. I can never thank people enough for all they have done for me.

It was that realisation that I was actually normal around food. It was fine to eat 3 packets of crisps if I so wanted them, some people size 10 do this sometimes. I wasn't do it daily anymore just sometimes, so thats fine. You know what since that realisation they have no pull

I no longer weigh 3 times a day after each wee just incase I've lost an ounce! I actually no longer weigh I was obsessed over the scales too. Allowed them to decide my mood for the day . They no longer can as I no longer use them You know what if I could bottle how this realisation has made me feel I'd be rich very rich. Being a size 10, a size 12 doesn't give you any of that, you do. You can feel that way at any size its simply your perception on things. Ingrained habits. I've let go of mine and I'm 500% sure that I will reach my goals. Yes I am calling them goals, I hate goals because in the past I've always failed but you see I can't fail now can I? I've simply set a focus and I'm heading in that direction.  Anything is possible. There is no failure only feedback. I really can achieve anything I put my mind to.  I have set time scales as guidelines and my mind knows what I want and my mini goals are getting me there as they are imminent. They are meaningful, and I'm in the driving seat . I am in control of food and it really is no longer in control of me OMG its taken me 16 months to reach this point and I've set myself back so many times but not anymore.

I am going to live and enjoy my life. I can't allow weight, food, all that rubbish to take over or I won't be living will I? I'll just be existing allowing food, the scales to determine my life and how I lead it. Thats not for me anymore. I've changed that life and its for the better. I'm living it, loving it, and lifes for living. Losing my Dad so young taught me that. We never know whats round that corner, he didn't forsee it , we didn't but it was gone in the blink of an eye and i'm not spending the rest of mine worrying about a number that someone else in their wisdom decided was the right number for so many people of all different builds! Food for thought isn't it?

By obsessing about losing weight I wasn't losing it. It all just got into this mix up in my head. The pods, my sessions with Hashani, my downloads have given me a new perspective on life. They've helped me to change so much and continue to. I've dropped 4 sizes so far with no diet. No plan, no calorie counting, no points, no syns, and as Trevor would say 'its inevitable I will get there' it really is, I just have to sit back and enjoy my life and let them work their magic in the back ground because I've made those changes I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. It was only looking back and reflecting that showed me the enormity of what I have achieved. How far I have come. Its fantastic!

Diets still don't work and I'm still not dieting :)

Gosh its been ages since I last did a blog post :( So sorry. I lost my own blog and kept meaning to find it and sort it all out but life got in the way.

Well I floundered abit, the old diet head kept kicking in, I'd look in the mirror see fat and feel a failure, but I'm not, and I dusted myself down again (I really do get rather dusty don't I!) and I'm back on form.

I realised setting long term goals don't work for me. I become complacent and think 'oh I've got ages yet' and don't really put any effort in. So I set some six week mini ones and I am finding that works well. I think sometimes its the diet head that gets in the way for me with goals. Anyone else find that? Failed so many times afraid to set them?

To me a goal always = fail. Say I'll get to a size or weight for an occassion always = fail. I cannot seem to lose that mindset so setting goals is still abit of sore subject for me even though for many they work. I also think the fact I work to tight deadlines day in day out is a part of it. Keep me busy give me a tight deadline I'm on it, give me months and I become laid back and complacent then I fail. Do you see what I mean? Not sure if this makes sense but it does to me.

I am aware the pods work better with goals as they give the mind a focus. I always remember Sandra explaining this to me months ago. Abit like a cruise ship and the captain and the crew. Give the crew precise instructions and they follow them, with no instruction they flounder. I've been there and floundered a few times. So I have agreed to 6 week goals. So far so good. My aim is to be a comfortable size 18 (again - yes got there in the summer - floundered gained a few inches) by end of March.  I am on target for this :) I can get into my size 18 Next jeans easily. They are a wee bit tight but I could in fact wear them. My size 18 Joe Browns top I plan to wear with them end of March is way too tight and it has stripes that go round so you can imagine the look hehehehehehe. But I will do this :) I will be wearing that outfit at the end of March.

I started up the ttapp again 21st January, and a brisk walk with Carla at lunchtime. I have lost over 11 inches in those 5 weeks ! I am happy with that as its exercise I can fit in around my life style.

I have to share todays achievement.  I am so proud of myself today I went out at lunchtime and briskly walked princess barky knickers. We did a walk I've wanted to do for years but a) never been fit enough b) never had the confidence c) my asthma would have stopped it. Today I did it!

We briskly walked approx 3 miles. From home to the field which is ploughed and huge and we walked right round the edge of it !! Some of it was only a foot round the edge and abit iffy but we did it. Nobody bothered us nothing to make her bark and the sun was out. Shes knackered and I know I did it, but i can't tell you how good it felt. I've often got about 1/3 way round and turned back as not sure where it lead and what path is like and if we'd bump into anything to set her off (hence her name hehehehe) but today i achieved it and OMG it feels good. I haven't found anything to map it with yet as its a field but its got to be two miles or more round the edge as massive and the walk to the field each way was 0.64 miles so happy.

 I really feel I've achieved something today and I walked talk, fast and with a big smile on my face.

I actually feel amazing just from going for that walk. It was a cold sunny day, but I felt fab. I held my head high, I had such a buzz, I felt good, no wheezing, it was amazing. I still feel fab now and I went 4 hours ago :)

I have noticed with the ttapp that some or infact alot of my spider veins have vanished! Also I had a terrible vein in my right leg. Not a varicous vein mind you it hard started to go that way, but a very hard raised lumpy large one.  Its going down alot! Amazing! 

I love the mix of ttapp and the pods. The two of them are brilliant.  The pods really have changed so much for me.  I am normal around food.  I simply eat when hungry and stop when full. I eat what I fancy. I am not dieting. 99% of the time I don't overeat. Occassionally I do but its normally when watching tv, or on the pc, then I feel too full and I hate it. I think in the past that bloated overfull feeling made me happy. odd I know but somehow it was a comfort thing. Now I can confirm its a thing of mega discomfort!  I overate last night and I felt so bloated and sick. It was horrible. I felt terrible all night.  Lesson learnt.

I am noticing more and more that I have more energy, walk faster, enjoy it, smile more and eat more healthily. Tonight I craved salmon, salad and homemade sweet potato oven chips (eek!) it was yummy.  Yet only a few months ago I'd have told you I didn't really like any of those things. I've noticed now that I eat slower and 'taste' my food rather than it not hitting the sides, that my tastes have changed alot. Alot of those high fat high sugar foods taste gross when eaten slowly :)

Diets Don't Work!

Simples really - Diets don't work -

They make us feel a failure

They make us obsess about food

They make banned foods even more tempting

They make us obsess about a number on the scales

Last but by no means least they make us fat!

Yes thats right. Statistics show that most people that diet put on all the weight they lost and more. I was one of those people. I dieted most years did well for so long, then put it all back plus more.

One of my realisations was to watch naturally skinny people around food.  Do they eat lettuce all day?? Do they live of muller lights??  Do they eat weeny slices of bread??  Do they eat diet food?? Do they starve themselves once a week for weigh day and binge after weigh in???  NO to all of this!  They eat what they fancy and stop when full!   They simply don't have food hang ups.  To them food is food. Food is fuel.  Do they weigh twice a day? No they go by how their clothes feel, if gets too tight they look at what they are eating or add in abit more exercise, they simply don't obsess about every morsel that hits their lips.  Slimpods help with all of this.  They gradually change old ingrained habits around food.

This year I won't be dieting. Dieting does not deal with our emotional attachment too food, any of our food issues, if anything, for me, diets made all that worse. The second I said 'diet' I craved all the foods 'I shouldn't be having'.

This year I am starting without a diet.  :) I am starting 2013 with a normal relationship with food because I spent 2012 dealing with the 'head' with my 'emotional attachment' to food.  At the end of 2012 food was simply = food = fuel :) I cannot tell you how liberating this is.

I now look at all the diet ads which are quite frankly doing my head in and roll my eyes. I'm just as sick of the junk emails from them, from other companies too trying to remind me 'new year = new plan = new diet = new fitness routine'

Why?

Because its what they do every year. New Year = New Diet = New Plan = New Years Resolutions!

Well not for me it doesn't !

This year New Year = New Me!

I am no longer food obsessed.

I am no longer a binge eater.

I am no longer an all day grazer.

I am no longer a lazy moo I now exercise regularly in fact I missed my TTapp over the holiday period and looked forward to it this morning.

I am no longer a chocoholic.

I no longer wake and go to bed thinking of food.

I no longer spend my days wondering what I can eat next.

I no longer eat for the sake of eating.

Food is no longer an emergency.

I am worth it.

Scales can and do lie they don't consider so many things I am proof of that. Drop 61 inches and weigh 1-2lb heavier than when I started. So scales say I failed. I didn't fail at all = they lie.

I am no longer a serial weigher because of the above. If I was I'd be a very unhappy person.

I no longer have zero confidence.

I am no longer a negative person.

I am no longer a stress head - I am one of the calmest Mums on the playground.

I eat healthily because I want to but I always have exactly what I fancy even if its chips! cake! whatever it is. That way I don't feel deprived. I'm never deprived. I can have exactly what I want when I want it, but do you know what?? Often because its not banned I simply don't want it!!

I have no wagon to fall off.

I no longer allow the scales or the diet market to decide how I feel. Its me that decides how I feel and I feel good actually!

I stand up for myself.

I find the positive in every day even if its a tough one.

I read somewhere that an emotion lasts all of 6 mins. So ride it out rather than shove it down with food. Food didn't solve any of my problems it just added to them.

If I want chocolate I have it. Sometimes a few chocolates, sometimes just one, depends how I feel.  Its no longer an obsession though. I can have it in the house and not be bothered by it for weeks, but if I want it I have it.

We eat as a family.  No more cooking different for me as I'm on a diet!

No more - should I have this?? Omg I ate a packet of crisps the world will end! am I allowed that? I can have just what I want.

I can now simply eat when hungry and stop when full.

I often leave food on my plate - I was brought up to clear my plate a) my mother had paid for that food i'd eat it! b) there are hungry children in Africa who would do anything for that food etc etc - thing is if I left it on my plate they didn't get it did they?  But it was drummed into us to clear our plates it was manners. Even if the plate was piled a foot high we ate it!

My ibs is more or less non existant I lived with it for 26 years.

I no longer live on immodium in fact its been around 6 months since I had one :) thought no longer enters my head :) they ruled my life before and so did my ibs

I used to be so anxious. I had panic attacks - no longer

No more secret eating and hiding the evidence

Sleep better

Speak to people I don't know

can use the telephone confidently

Walk tall rather than head to the floor

Hardly ever snack between meals

I have faith in me

I can achieve anything I put my mind too

I no longer inhale my food, I enjoy each mouthful

Losing weight is not a race

I don't expect miracles I just set myself up to succeed

Little changes = big changes



The list is endless - thank you Slimpod - Thankyou Harshani - Thankyou Trevor - Thankyou Sandra - Thankyou Dawn - thankyou each and every one of you that helped me see that light at the end of the tunnel. That helped me through last year. This year is going to be fab!

Also thank you Dr. Bob Schwartz for 'Diets Don't Work'  that book was like the icing on the cake for me. It really slotted everything into place, made me see what the slimpods were doing and I was fighting them!


So Happy New Year to all my lovely friends - Don't let food control you - put yourself back in control of food!  If I can do it - anyone can!!!!!!!!!!!

Normal Around Food! woohoo!

Well as the title says this has been my first Christmas normal around food. I simply ate when hungry stopped when full!

This felt amazing. I didn't scoff everything possible just because I could. There are tonnes of goodies about and tonnes left as I simply had a few choccies when I fancied them. Thats it :)

I had to leave over 1/3rd of my Christmas dinner as heard the full signal. I didn't obsess about food once. It was just food. It was yummy and I enjoyed it but not worrying should I have this, can I have this, Do I want this was more how it went :)

I didn't weigh once and still haven't. My relationship with my scales has ended. It took me a year but they no longer call me, I am no  longer tempted and I no longer feel the need to weigh. :) It really is liberating.

The best thing for me was my control around food. Also the fact no diet planned for the New Year, no wagon to fall off, no gain to lose, no panic at what i've gained over Christmas . I have finally broken some of the biggest habits I had :)

My goals are set working away in the background. I simply continue to pod and find my positives, thats it.

I had confidence this year. I was calm this year. I felt positive this year. I was normal around food this year!

What more could a girl wish for?

A quick reflection on the past year :)

Well what a year to reflect on

I mean where would one start??

This time last year I'd been binge free for one week

I was weighing at least twice a day and always weighed after a pig out or naughty food letting the scales determine my mood for the day or even the week

I'd weigh , then keep going for a wee to see if I'd lost an extra 1lb LOL

I was writing down every morsel that touched my lips. (diet head)

I was buying 'good' foods or 'diet foods' or 'low fat foods' (diet head)

I couldn't go swimming

I hated and had a real fear of driving (and swimming)

I had no confidence

I hated me

I was obsessed with food.

I didn't hear the full signal I was convinced i didn't have one

I wasn't doing my positives and goals properly in fact I was floundering, why ? Because the scales said I was a failure

So alot has changed

I've lost my diet head

Food is now food - simple

I eat when hungry and stop when full often leaving food on my plate

I eat what I fancy and I'm happy to say 90% of the time I make the healthy choice as its what I fancy

I no longer beat myself up when I do eat ie choccie, crisps a mince pie I eat it and savour it

I taste food for the first time in my life

I realise by tasting food I don't like some of my old favourite foods I guess when I used to shove it down it didn't hit the sides so I didn't taste it

I am one of the calmest Mums on the playground rather than a raving stress head

I am a really positive person

I can now see other peoples issues really are theirs not mine

I have confidence

I don't buy low fat, diet foods, I buy food

I enjoy my food

I have a healthy relationship with food

I have a full signal and it works very well indeed

I enjoy the exercise that I do

I won't be starting a diet in January - I will never diet again because I don't need to anymore. The inches will continue to melt away slowly.

I've got this far without an eating plan I promised myself I would and I have its quite liberating actually

I have no wagon to fall off

I have no plan to be off or on

I haven't weighed for ages and the scales no longer call me. I am at peace with them. They are a number, a number that no longer bothers or worries me as I have changed. I don't need them to sell me if I've failed or succeeded anymore. this took a whole year but I am finally there

If I stay this way thats fine I like it. I can eat when I am hungry. I know what hunger is. I know what thirst is... I can finally tell the difference that full signal kicks in and I simply cannot eat another mouthful. Its like a cut off, a zip, I hear it, I stop. I love this again this has taken me just over a year but I no longer listen for it, or look for it, I've found it

I have made some truely amazing friends on this journey. Ones that have stood by me and backed me even when they are following eating plans etc. They've seen me change. They've seen old mouse Jackie slowly melt into the back ground. Shes gone now but my friends are still with me sharing my journey even though i've not been on here every day to offer them support still. Thats what I call true friends. I've learnt what true friendship is, and I like it

You've picked me up when I hit rock bottom. You've listened to my pod ponderings and diet head squeals. But I am finally in a good place. The spaghetti in my head is all untangled.


Last but not least I am at peace with myself. I have lumps and bumps. I still have a large ass and belly but its shrinking and slowly my skin is tightening and I know it will go. It will take time but no hurry I'm not racing anyone I'm simply living my life and getting on with it.

So thank you all each and every one of you have played a big part in this journey. I took the scenic route but I got there . Yes I'm still a size 18 and I've a way to go but I'll get there will it be 2013??? We'll see won't we xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A year binge free!

Yes this time last year I had my last binge!  A whole year binge free! I am no longer able to binge I simply eat when hungry and stop when full! Eating what I fancy. Its so liberating. I've even ditched the scales. What a difference a year can make!

14 months ago I was a binge eater. I grazed all day. I was allergic to exercise. I was a chocoholic (seriously) and I had zero confidence.

Today I have dropped 4 dress sizes, losing 61 inches and I exercise daily. :) Nothing high impact just walking or my beloved TTapp workout.  This whole experience has been life changing for me.

I still like chocolate but it tends to be hormone related rather than every day. So a couple of times a month I eat chocolate the rest of the time it simply doesn't bother me at all.

I used to be eating all day. Food was all I thought about. Now I simply eat when hungry and stop when full. Some days I eat more than others, some days I am not hungry until lunch time. I have a normal relationship with food and its liberating it really is. No foods are banned. There are no good and bad foods as in diet head, its simply food. Love it! I find I eat healthily most of the time because I want to but I don't beat myself up if I have cake or a biccie or a McDonalds, I just have it :)

Food is no longer at the forefront of my mind its at the back.! I never thought I'd say that. Everyone tells me how much better I look and I can tell you I feel much better. I have more energy, I walk tall, I have a real smile, I have confidence, I can chat to people I've not met before, I can natter on the phone! Its brilliant.

I used to secretly eat and hide the evidence. I struggled to walk down town and back as I was so out of puff. I used to have asthma. I've only used my puffer once in 14 months. And that was yesterday when I felt I had a cold coming. Today I don't need it again :)

I couldn't shop in normal shops as nothing fit me. Now being a size 18 I can shop in most shops and it still shocks me that I can and that most 18's fit me and I'm not constantly being disappointed and having to take stuff back or shove it in a wardrobe with other clothes that don't fit. I now wear clothes I love rather than clothes I simply buy because they fit! In fact over the weekend I am going to dejunk that wardrobe and only keep the clothes I love. I am never going to wear something again just because it fits!

Christimas is nearly here

Your chance to try out slimpods for free.  Here is a link to the Thinking Slimmer Christmas Slimpod to help you maintain over the festive period.

As you know I love the slimpods and have and continue to have great success with them

http://www.facebook.com/thinkingslimmer/app_201742856511228

THINKING SLIMMER’S

CHRISTMAS SLIMPOD

Instead of over-indulging at Christmas, try our revolutionary new approach: This Christmas

Slimpod will gently retune your mind so you eat and drink a little less over the festive period,

helping to keep your weight and your waistline under control.

And yet you won't feel deprived and you won't think you're missing out. Simply listen to your

free Christmas Slimpod for 10 minutes every day in the run-up to Christmas so the changes

can begin to work, and then keep listening until the New Year holiday period is over.

You won't necessarily lose weight with this special Christmas Slimpod - you just won't eat as

much as last year! But you'll definitely enjoy yourself more without the worry or the guilt.