Normal Around Food! woohoo!

Well as the title says this has been my first Christmas normal around food. I simply ate when hungry stopped when full!

This felt amazing. I didn't scoff everything possible just because I could. There are tonnes of goodies about and tonnes left as I simply had a few choccies when I fancied them. Thats it :)

I had to leave over 1/3rd of my Christmas dinner as heard the full signal. I didn't obsess about food once. It was just food. It was yummy and I enjoyed it but not worrying should I have this, can I have this, Do I want this was more how it went :)

I didn't weigh once and still haven't. My relationship with my scales has ended. It took me a year but they no longer call me, I am no  longer tempted and I no longer feel the need to weigh. :) It really is liberating.

The best thing for me was my control around food. Also the fact no diet planned for the New Year, no wagon to fall off, no gain to lose, no panic at what i've gained over Christmas . I have finally broken some of the biggest habits I had :)

My goals are set working away in the background. I simply continue to pod and find my positives, thats it.

I had confidence this year. I was calm this year. I felt positive this year. I was normal around food this year!

What more could a girl wish for?

A quick reflection on the past year :)

Well what a year to reflect on

I mean where would one start??

This time last year I'd been binge free for one week

I was weighing at least twice a day and always weighed after a pig out or naughty food letting the scales determine my mood for the day or even the week

I'd weigh , then keep going for a wee to see if I'd lost an extra 1lb LOL

I was writing down every morsel that touched my lips. (diet head)

I was buying 'good' foods or 'diet foods' or 'low fat foods' (diet head)

I couldn't go swimming

I hated and had a real fear of driving (and swimming)

I had no confidence

I hated me

I was obsessed with food.

I didn't hear the full signal I was convinced i didn't have one

I wasn't doing my positives and goals properly in fact I was floundering, why ? Because the scales said I was a failure

So alot has changed

I've lost my diet head

Food is now food - simple

I eat when hungry and stop when full often leaving food on my plate

I eat what I fancy and I'm happy to say 90% of the time I make the healthy choice as its what I fancy

I no longer beat myself up when I do eat ie choccie, crisps a mince pie I eat it and savour it

I taste food for the first time in my life

I realise by tasting food I don't like some of my old favourite foods I guess when I used to shove it down it didn't hit the sides so I didn't taste it

I am one of the calmest Mums on the playground rather than a raving stress head

I am a really positive person

I can now see other peoples issues really are theirs not mine

I have confidence

I don't buy low fat, diet foods, I buy food

I enjoy my food

I have a healthy relationship with food

I have a full signal and it works very well indeed

I enjoy the exercise that I do

I won't be starting a diet in January - I will never diet again because I don't need to anymore. The inches will continue to melt away slowly.

I've got this far without an eating plan I promised myself I would and I have its quite liberating actually

I have no wagon to fall off

I have no plan to be off or on

I haven't weighed for ages and the scales no longer call me. I am at peace with them. They are a number, a number that no longer bothers or worries me as I have changed. I don't need them to sell me if I've failed or succeeded anymore. this took a whole year but I am finally there

If I stay this way thats fine I like it. I can eat when I am hungry. I know what hunger is. I know what thirst is... I can finally tell the difference that full signal kicks in and I simply cannot eat another mouthful. Its like a cut off, a zip, I hear it, I stop. I love this again this has taken me just over a year but I no longer listen for it, or look for it, I've found it

I have made some truely amazing friends on this journey. Ones that have stood by me and backed me even when they are following eating plans etc. They've seen me change. They've seen old mouse Jackie slowly melt into the back ground. Shes gone now but my friends are still with me sharing my journey even though i've not been on here every day to offer them support still. Thats what I call true friends. I've learnt what true friendship is, and I like it

You've picked me up when I hit rock bottom. You've listened to my pod ponderings and diet head squeals. But I am finally in a good place. The spaghetti in my head is all untangled.


Last but not least I am at peace with myself. I have lumps and bumps. I still have a large ass and belly but its shrinking and slowly my skin is tightening and I know it will go. It will take time but no hurry I'm not racing anyone I'm simply living my life and getting on with it.

So thank you all each and every one of you have played a big part in this journey. I took the scenic route but I got there . Yes I'm still a size 18 and I've a way to go but I'll get there will it be 2013??? We'll see won't we xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A year binge free!

Yes this time last year I had my last binge!  A whole year binge free! I am no longer able to binge I simply eat when hungry and stop when full! Eating what I fancy. Its so liberating. I've even ditched the scales. What a difference a year can make!

14 months ago I was a binge eater. I grazed all day. I was allergic to exercise. I was a chocoholic (seriously) and I had zero confidence.

Today I have dropped 4 dress sizes, losing 61 inches and I exercise daily. :) Nothing high impact just walking or my beloved TTapp workout.  This whole experience has been life changing for me.

I still like chocolate but it tends to be hormone related rather than every day. So a couple of times a month I eat chocolate the rest of the time it simply doesn't bother me at all.

I used to be eating all day. Food was all I thought about. Now I simply eat when hungry and stop when full. Some days I eat more than others, some days I am not hungry until lunch time. I have a normal relationship with food and its liberating it really is. No foods are banned. There are no good and bad foods as in diet head, its simply food. Love it! I find I eat healthily most of the time because I want to but I don't beat myself up if I have cake or a biccie or a McDonalds, I just have it :)

Food is no longer at the forefront of my mind its at the back.! I never thought I'd say that. Everyone tells me how much better I look and I can tell you I feel much better. I have more energy, I walk tall, I have a real smile, I have confidence, I can chat to people I've not met before, I can natter on the phone! Its brilliant.

I used to secretly eat and hide the evidence. I struggled to walk down town and back as I was so out of puff. I used to have asthma. I've only used my puffer once in 14 months. And that was yesterday when I felt I had a cold coming. Today I don't need it again :)

I couldn't shop in normal shops as nothing fit me. Now being a size 18 I can shop in most shops and it still shocks me that I can and that most 18's fit me and I'm not constantly being disappointed and having to take stuff back or shove it in a wardrobe with other clothes that don't fit. I now wear clothes I love rather than clothes I simply buy because they fit! In fact over the weekend I am going to dejunk that wardrobe and only keep the clothes I love. I am never going to wear something again just because it fits!

Christimas is nearly here

Your chance to try out slimpods for free.  Here is a link to the Thinking Slimmer Christmas Slimpod to help you maintain over the festive period.

As you know I love the slimpods and have and continue to have great success with them

http://www.facebook.com/thinkingslimmer/app_201742856511228

THINKING SLIMMER’S

CHRISTMAS SLIMPOD

Instead of over-indulging at Christmas, try our revolutionary new approach: This Christmas

Slimpod will gently retune your mind so you eat and drink a little less over the festive period,

helping to keep your weight and your waistline under control.

And yet you won't feel deprived and you won't think you're missing out. Simply listen to your

free Christmas Slimpod for 10 minutes every day in the run-up to Christmas so the changes

can begin to work, and then keep listening until the New Year holiday period is over.

You won't necessarily lose weight with this special Christmas Slimpod - you just won't eat as

much as last year! But you'll definitely enjoy yourself more without the worry or the guilt.

 

Positivity Rocks!

It was always me that told everyone how important the positives are, what a difference they made, then I had my blip and printed out the handbook again and began listing just the positives rather than in diary form.

It works!

Something clicked. The exercise is back. I am not obsessing about food at all. Just eating when hungry, what I fancy and stopping when full.

I am really liking the TTapp Basic Workout Plus.  When I first got it I found it too complex and shoved it on the shelf to get dusty with the rest of my exercise DVDs but I am on day 10 and can now pretty much do it from start to finish and I try every day except Sundays as not found a time when I can fit in it with everyone home.  Its not simple thats for sure, and the moves are complex but I feel I am slowly working them out and getting used to them and it works every muscle in a 15 minute workout. No leaping up and down either which suits me.  I plan to record my inch loss on day 30 and day 60 to see how its working for me.

I feel slimmer and I feel my waist looks more defined again. My tummy seems to be going down bit by bit too :)  I am also noticing the moves are less difficult for me to do too.

The fit pod really seems to have kicked in again as like this morning, I felt so tired, I half thought, shall I bother? Shall I give it a miss today? yet my brain was going 'do it' 'just do it' so I did!

I had very little sleep last night which in the past would have resulted in no exercise (but then I never exercised lol!), eating crap all day and feeling sorry for myself generally. Today, I got up listened to my pods, took Charlie to school, did my TTapp, and not even thought about food yet! I notice so many little changes all the time.

It was funny I had a 'different day' foodwise on Friday. Carbs, crisps, choccie.  I sat and thought 'what was that all about' and felt a little baffled, then realised the following day it was hormone related totally. Now in the past in the lead up to a period it would be choccie, choccie, crisps crisps for about a week! then it carried on during too. Now I find its just the day before :) So an enormous improvement and still ate way less than I normally would have done in the past :)

Reading Dawn's post on why positives matter has helped me too. Realising how it works, and why they matter. It really does work. On my handbook pages I just literally list every positive no mention of anything negative like I would have done as a diary entry. I guess looking back the negatives and postives seemed to cancel themselves out in my notebook whereas just writing the positives seems to have an emormous effect on me. Lesson learnt.

I actually feel really positive, calm and confident at the moment. I am positive I will reach my goals. I am positive I have finally lost that silly diet head. Its taken a year to shake it off. I now eat with my family. No diet foods, no calories, no syns, no points just food for fuel. Yep I have the odd cupcake, I sometimes have peanut butter on toast, I sometimes I have crisps, I occassionally eat chocolate,but do you notice what stands out in that sentence??

odd cupcake
sometimes have peanut butter on toast
occassionally eat chocolate
sometimes have crisps

These are huge breakthroughs for me :) I call this normal eating!

I really do feel like I am now in control of food and it no longer controls me!

I seem to have a normal relationship with food :)

I used to binge daily, secret eat all the time hiding the evidence, graze all day, constantly go to the kitchen and wonder 'what can I eat now'?  This has all gone.

I have the odd 'different day' when I eat more, or seem to eat more crap or carbs but they are just that 'different day's'

Lori taught me about different days. Its helped alot. Its taken me a while to see it as it is though and not beat myself up. But as soon as I simply saw them as 'different days' I've noticed I have less of them.

I used to have a blip, everytime I wrote a positive post on here.  Like I'd self sabotage.  I do sometimes have a 'different day' after a positive post but I think to myself 'what was that all about' I work it out and move on.  Sandra told me to ask myself that. 'What was that all about' each time something happens and I find this advice invaluable. Its brilliant. As often I can work out the reason, laugh or roll my eyes at it and move on!

Positivity Rocks! and I have my positivity back!

Disappointment - Failure

Dawn's post this morning made me really think. As ever she's right :)

Yesterday I was tearful. I felt a fat failure. Why? This time last year I was a size 26 roughly and his year I am a size 18. Why did I feel such a failure? What happened?

**adding this bit *** after rereading what I wrote. I messaged Dawn last night. She helped immediately. She changed how I thought about it all in one facebook conversation. I can't thank her enough. I sat there messaging Dawn with tears streaming down my face, I ended the message with a big grin on my face. Dawn you are a fab listener and will have an fantastic cognitive hypnotherapy business as you really are fab at it.  You are such a lovely friend. You never judge, you always jump in and help and I for one can't thank you enough for it and I'm so glad we 'met' x ******

Well back in January I set goals. My goal was to be in a size 14 Joe Browns dress today for my 25th Wedding Anniversary.  I didn't reach my goal so in my head I was a disappointment, I was a failure.. But why?  I've achieved so much this year. I've changed so much. Yes theres more to do and more inches to lose but that does not make me a failure.

I was so tearful yesterday, felt very down, let it really get to me. Crazy really isn't it? I set those goals so I'm not letting anyone else down am I? I chose them and I moved them but as today got nearer and nearer I couldn't handle the feelings of failure.

This morning I feel alot better. My hubby bought me a present I love for the first time in many years. He chose it himself and I love it and its an item of clothing. A John Lewis knitted dress. As I opened it my heart sank. He'd bought me a size 16. That failure feeling crept in again,I felt disappointed. But I tried it on and it fits! I was astounded and it didn't look too bad. I'd like to lose a few more inches to feel comfortable wearing it but it does fit and many would wear it that way. It looks fine. So my next goal is to wear it comfortably for Christmas Day :)

I came straight back from taking Charlie to school in the pouring rain, put on my exercise gear and did my TTapp basic workout which I can nearly do now :) I am loving it. A 15 min workout, no high impact yet works every muscle. Its perfect for me. And of course, the hoe downs :)

Its the first exercise other than walking I've managed to stick to in my whole life. This time last year exercise was a swear word. I was allergic to it! or so I said. I hated it. This year I love it. Okay only the exercises I enjoy but to me this is what its all about. Trevor says 'anything more than nothing' and thats just it its finding an exercise we enjoy doing and want to do, be it walking, TTapp, running, swimming, we are all individual. TTapp works for me. I enjoy it. I feel full of energy when I've finished that workout and have more energy for the rest of the day and I achieve good inch loss in a 15 min workout :) What more can I ask?

Just over a year ago we lost my lovely Father in Law so we've just had the year anniversary. Its been quite a tough year as a family coming to terms with our loss and hes very much missed. He was such a big part of our lives. The kids (even the older two) let off lovely shiny star shaped balloons with a message tied to the bottom of each from each of them and we had a few mins 'think' time. It was lovely. He was lovely and we all miss him so much. It also made me think of my Dad too who I still miss greatly.

My real goal was to be fit and healthy and live a longer life, a life my Dad didn't have as he died suddenly aged just 60. He was not healthy, he was not fit, so I set out to show him that I would learn from his mistakes and make him proud of me.  I think I probably have already as I've made a lot of changes this year and I am fitter, I am healthier and I am sure my new life style is setting me up to live longer too. I know I am happier. I know I still need to learn to love me. I thought I had but yesterday showed me I hadn't ... but that will come, in the mean time I am sure I'm not the easiest person to live with as I don't take compliments well and in my head if I don't love or like me how can others? Thats just how I feel but I am working on it and I've seen the changes a year can have so this time next year should be interesting :) I am sure by my 26th Wedding anniversary I will be that size 14 :)

So as Trevor says - there is no failure only feedback. Nothing needs to be easy just possible :) as Dawn says 'nothing needs to be the way its always been' :)

I love those quotes. I live by them, or try to.

Last night I was stressed too, someone went into the back of a car, who in turn went into the back of our car :( No mega damage done but Chris was in the car with his broken leg. The jolt sent a massive pain down his leg and it throbbed for ages. He nearly passed out with the pain. This has worried me as he insisted hes fine and I feel he should have gone to the hospital to have it xrayed and checked. Hes due to have his long cast off next Tuesday. I so hope this little accident hasn't undone any of the healing and his leg is okay today. He can't wait to get into a shorter cast and will be gutted if its done any damage :( so wish they'd just had it looked at for peace of mind, but thats men eh! All will be fine! No need to worry! I do the worrying for them!

I sat and ate a small box of chocolates yesterday - because i'd failed. Funny how that little diet head pops in isn't it?  Failure = eat = console oneself.  Yet I haven't failed, I just took the scenic route and dealt with many issues in my life as I felt fit to change them. I've learnt from mistakes. I've got confidence for the first time in years. I am way calmer than I've ever been. I am slimmer, I am happier, but I have a fair way to go on my journey. The choccies were nice and I didn't share them (another old habit) but its done now, I could see what was going on in my head and I'm moving on because

TODAY IS A BRIGHT NEW SUN SHINY DAY :)

I'm Back!

Well I am definitely back! Back in the zone.

Been doing the TTapp daily, and including 3 sets of hoe downs daily.

I am eating when hungry stopping when full.

When I decided it was time to sort out the blip I weighed and measured.  That was on the 5th November. Today I weighed and measured and have lost 4.25 inches and 1.5lb so I am happy with that.

I feel in control

I had my lunch and then this voice in my head said 'mmmmm what can I have' off I went to the kitchen, looked in the larder (wasn't even tempted by the crisp drawer :) ) and came back with???? A BIG FAT NOTHING! I simply didn't want anything woohoo!

Tonight decided lazy easy tea, sausages, tiny chopped bits of potato done in the oven and beans. Started cooking it but decided no not what I wanted? So I made chicken and roasted veggies and thats what I had and the others nibbled on some chicken too.  I am really listening to my body, what do I really want? How hungry am I?

I also noticed how much confidence I had at parents evening despite feeling apprehensive this time.  Once I got there I was fine and stood my ground on a couple of issues and left there feeling in control rather than a quivering wreck. I did it!

I also rang someone who normally I don't bother to ring and we had a good natter and it just felt right :)

a couple of days ago I had the most stressful day I've had in a long time and not once did I turn to or consider turning to food! These pods are working 400%!

back in control

Yesterday was a good day :) I ate when hungry stopped when full simple as that. :) felt good to feel in control of food and not to rebel or override the pods.

Back into my exercise and noticing I have more energy again because of it and generally feel better in myself.

I am also noticing I have my lovely 'inner calm' back :) I love that :) Its so lovely not to be a stress head, not to let other peoples issues bother me, I love the fact that 'their issues are theirs not mine'. Not in a nasty way but I just accept that I can't change them and its not 'about me' :)

I feel slimmer again today. I seem to be losing that teletubby/weeble feeling I had last week and it feels good. I felt so sluggish and it wasn't nice and my stomach seemed huge, but its going again and I feel positive, calm and confident again :) I really am back!

These pods work, its that terrible diet head that jumps in and tries to ruin it every now and again. One day I'll be rid of that 'diet head ' once and for all I know it.  I guess so many years of diets takes it toll.

I started this journey with no intention of ever dieting again and believe me I'll achieve it. I shall never calorie count, count syns or points ever. I shall learn to live healthily, exercise regularly, eat when hungry stop when full. I'm doing this 'my way' the pods way :) all habits can be broken and I truely accept some take longer than others.

Today I can see what I've achieved so far, despite the blips, the tears, the frustrations at times, I can see it :)

I am no longer a chocoholic - thats a biggie as I was for as long as I can remember

No more secret eating

Can go swimming again if I want to

Can drive as and when I feel like it

No anxiety - this is huge for me I was anxious about everything

I have confidence - (i had zero)

I am so positive ( I was so negative)

I am calm (I was a raging stresshead)

I am in control ( I used to feel so out of control with food it controlled me )

I have learnt that hunger is not an emergency

I have learnt that 'I am worth it, I am enough, I am significant, I matter, I am important to life'

I have learnt that we can change things if we want to . We don't have to live this way if we chose not to.

Anything is possible

We can do anything we put our minds to

Our mind is so powerful

Nothing has to be easy just possible

There is no failure only feedback

If we keep doing what we've always done we'll keep on getting what we always got - this can be changed

All habits can be changed - some just take time

Being skinny isn't the be all and end all, healing is from the inside out

We need to love ourselves

Emotions come in waves and last approx 6 mins so its worth learning to 'ride the storm, rather than shove it down with food' feel the emotion, deal with it, move on

Food is an addiction, a drug to some of us

Our journies are individual

Life is for living - I'm going to live it!!

a different day

Yesterday was a 'different day' where I turned to crisps. I know why which is something and I sat and thought about it realising it was silly. So it remains just that 'a different day'. I still found and had positives and I'm back in the zone again today.

In fact I woke at 6am and couldn't get back to sleep, so rested for a while then got up and did my TTapp :) I am back to TTapp and walking as they work for me and I enjoy both. Better to do an exercise I enjoy and will keep up with than push myself to do something that I won't.

I love the fact TTapp is low impact but works every muscle so I ordered the 50 min step up to the max dvd last night and then I have 3. I still struggle with the Basic Workout. Its only 15 mins and the reviews are amazing but I've not mastered it so thats my challenge to slowly and steadily a weeny bit at a time do just that. I'll do my other one and just do one move until I work it out and then move on to the next. I know it works so its worth persevering with :)

I've also started using coconut oil for some of my cooking and love it. I did roasted veg this week in it and the smell and taste was divine and I didn't think once cooked you could taste the coconut at all. I read up on some of its wonderful reviews and decided to try it. I am also giving Carla a tsp a day as it really does seem really good.

I have ditched the scales again as realise that was a big part of my 'different day' I know they are not kind to me so its kind of fruitless using them as a measure of my success. Clothes and how I feel are a far better measure as I have proved many times so its time to stop stepping on them 'just to see' as when I 'see' I feel a failure and I know I'm not a failure I've achieved so much this year and yep still have a long way to go but as I always say to others its not a race its a lifestyle change.

I am looking forward to what this year brings in my podding journey. :)

two days, I'm on a roll! and the story of a chocoholic! or should I say 'was a chocoholic'!

Another good day. I did have 4 chocolates last night and 3 marshmallows but reminded myself thats allowed as I fancied them and not on a diet and the rest of the box are still there :) so in my mind this is an amazing step forward and shows I am not overriding the pods anymore! woohoo! Jackie really is back!

Funnily enough reading what Becca just put about hunger not being an emergency showed me a few things

a) I wasn't hungry and knew that I wasn't
b) I felt I was overriding the pods on purpose
c) I can do this!

So day 3 is already underway. I've listened to my pods already and feeling calm, confident and positive again :)

I really feel I can do this.  I just need to stop and think each time I go towards that crisp draw or give in to the lure of chocolate calling me from the kitchen or the shop.  I went through a terrible phase of overriding Trevor's voice in my ear 'you don't need it' 'you are not hungry' it was like the child in me 'so what! I'll have it anyway! what you gonna do about it!' I could almost see me being rebelious, hands on hips, snotty voice, just as I perhaps did as a child.  The thing is I'm not that child anymore I'm an adult and all I actually achieved was to put on weight!

I had a conversation last week that threw up the fact in a nut shell I didn't like to disappoint people, or would feel people would be disappointed in me. A failure. No good, useless. But the big word was 'disappointment'. This conversation made me realise what was happening what was going on in my head and it was actually really silly. I have really felt I've left that Jackie behind finally and can now move on and continue my journey. Goodness me its been a journey so far but I don't regret any of it. Look what I've achieved, look what I've changed :) Even now back in some tight size 18's I'm a different Jackie. Old Jackie would be a size 26/28 again squeezed into a size 20! She'd have given up ages ago but this Jackie dusts herself down and picks herself up and works out each thing thrown at me. Doesn't dust it under the carpet she deals with it, disects it, works it out and moves on. :) I rather like the new Jackie.

New Jackie just had a skype conversation.  (eek) whats the big deal you ask? wow alot of a deal. a) seeing me, b) new technology c) that fear of being a disappointment.

I thought about this on the way to take Charlie to school. Old Jackie would have cancelled yesterday. She'd have pulled out one of her excuses. I was pretty good at excuses actually as used them all the time. New Jackie took a deep breath and did it :) she had no intention at any point of pulling out, of taking the easy way out, she planned all along to go ahead with it as it was part of moving on, part of her journey. I am proud of new Jackie today. Would she do it again?  Yes she would :)

This post brought up a far bigger story. The story of a chocoholic. A secret eater. Anyone else done it? Does it? Is it , was it just me?

I'd buy chocolate. Chocolate was my drug. Upset, tired, fed up, stressed = stuff it all down with chocolate. Had to be Cadburys (I swear their sales have gone down alot recently ! hehehehehe) jackie the chocolate monster! She ate loads. I'd go in the shop buy loads, muttering that they were for the kids to put away in the larder incase they wanted them. (rollseyes) I even felt guilty buying it, as I knew what I was going to do.

I'd buy 3 for a £1 etc. I'd buy them if they weren't 3 for a £1 too of course! but I'd buy 6 and eat them all. Twirls, crunchies, large 200g bars, etc etc. I ate them. Did I feel sick? Sometimes but then i'd have a coffee and carry on. Did I share it, heck no! You hide it in your desk drawer under the envelopes and sneek out there later 'to work' don't you? as thats what I did.

I'd hide the wrappers in my drawer too.  I'd then screw them up in paper or old envelopes to put them in the bin.  So that nobody knew what I was doing.

If I bought chocolates or was given chocolates I ate them all and then hid the boxes flat packed in jiffy bags until the recycling man came :( I'd then put them out when nobody knew. :( Easter was the worst. I only ever bought Cadburys eggs (I wonder why) I'd buy loads on offer, and eat my way through them while kids at school and hubby at work. I'd then flat pack the boxes, cut up the plasticy packaging into weeny bits and dispose of that, keeping the flat packed boxes for the recycling man and putting them out , again when nobody else was about to see :(

This Easter I didn't touch an egg. I wasn't interested. I never had any flat packed boxes! In fact other than the last 3 weeks where I overrid Trevor I've hardly touched chocolate. In fact I'd have it once a month as it tended to be something I'd do when hormonal. Thats fine. Skinny people do that too!

Only earlier this week I was looking for some warm pjs as the weather has turned. Hidden under the pjs were a couple of flat packed easter egg boxes (blushes) from year before last at a guess! It really did make me giggle I put them out for recycling smiling away to myself.

In fact while overrding the pods I did the same with some smaller chocolates and the packaging is hidden in my drawer. Jackie the chocolate monster returned for a few days, but shes gone again now as I can now see the sad but funny side in it.  Last night having just 4 chocolates proved she'd gone. I'd have eaten the box in the past, working out what was originally in there if any had been eaten already, replacing the box before anyone came home and ensuring I'd eaten the ones that had already been eaten if you get what I mean! I may have done this several time with just one box of chocolates! eek!  Day before yesterday that opened box was untouched by me. I simply didn't want one (eek)  yesterday I slowly savoured 4, but that was enough, I didn't need anymore and I've not had to flatpack or replace that box of chocolates once and we got them at the weekend :) in the past I guess we'd have been on at least the second replaced box by now afterall its Thursday today and the choccie monster would have been by now!

So today I shall clear out any old wrappers from my drawer. Thats in the past and shall look forward to the future as I am no longer a chocoholic. No longer a choccie monster. I can do chocolate in moderation and in fact can go several weeks without it now.

Does the chocolate pod work? I'd say it does :D 

I used to do the same with biscuits too. Eat a whole packet and hide the evidence. :( I really had issues with secret eating and hiding the evidence.  When it rearerd its head for those few days I really didn't like it. It made me sit and think about why I was doing it?

One day completed!

Yesterday went well!

I used my power shower and chillpod a few times throughout the day and it made all the difference, I realised just how powerful they are :)  I hadn't been listening to them everyday as 'too busy' but I am going to now as I am convinced they really helped me yesterday. In fact I've listened to both already today :)

I ate sensibly and stopped when full hearing the full signal and enjoying my food. I chose healthy foods without a thought. The others had lasagne for tea and I chose chicken, fresh green beans and potato (eek) I chose to eat healthy without even thinking about it :) I really enjoyed my food yesterday too.

I refused choccies and cake, and avoided crisps without a thought. No stress = sensible eating and didn't override the pods! woohoo!

I feel so much better already.

I went for two walks yesterday too.  One was for about 45 mins and the other about 40 so not too bad considering can't leave Chris for too long at the moment.

Today I planned two walks but school want to ring and a parcel being delivered so I'll take Charlie to school and do two miles TTapp as I find that so good for my back and my posture :) Its the simplest TTapp dvd but its always worked well for me !

Jackie is back!

still struggling

I am still struggling but have a plan of action now.

I am going to use my powershower pod more and chillpod and see if that helps me.

I am beginning to exercise again even though I feel rather round and sluggish as deep down I know this is key for me and helps me to refocus.

I may have to adjust my goals slightly but thats fine as this isn't a race its a lifestyle change.

I am going to try to use the swish technique today instead of just reaching for the crisps or chocolate.

I think the chocolate is hormone related so i'm not as bothered about that as I know it will pass.

Yesterday I walked Carla for 35 mins (not far I know but can't leave Chris for any long length of time) and I did 2 miles TTapp. So its a good start.

So I just need to do as I say I will. Practice what I preach! Can I do it? Yes I can !





Well its 4pm and so far so good. Today the chillpod and powershower have got me through my iffy time :) I've been for two walks today as well :) woohoo! hope this is a sign of having turned the corner.!

Refocus, set those goals, find those positives

Okay so I've been quiet for a while. I had a huge blip. Been feeling like a failure if I'm honest. I no longer felt in control and just seemed to totally override all the hard work the pods were doing. I was rebelling I guess. My rebellious stage has cost me as I've gained 11lb. I felt so gutted and upset, but its done isn't it? I can't change the fact its done but I can change it and get back into this :)  I feel deflated and need to somehow refocus. I post a positive post it results in self sabotage  I set a goal - I self sabotage or rebel. I just need to take it a day at a time with no pressure. Its the only way it works for me but somehow I am struggling to get back in the zone.

I have found a few things happen on this journey so I am guessing I really do still have emotional eating issues as if the going gets tough - I eat.  When this happens I tend to override the full signal and just keep going.  :(

The last couple of weeks I've felt more focused again though, still listening to my pods daily, finding my positives daily I just need to pod on with no pressure.  I think with my wedding anniversary looming and still a size 18 I began to feel a failure. But thinking about it I've achieved so much in this last year of slimpoddding, in fact I believe its a year ago today since I started listening. I've faced many fears, dealt with so much and have a far more healthy relationship with food.   I haven't binged since before xmas. Yes I've overeaten but not binged. Theres a huge difference. I also used to graze all day, constantly wondering what I could have to eat, stuffing my face with chocolate at the slightest chance.  95% of the time I just eat when I am hungry. I have the odd picky day but food isn't the first thing I think about. In fact today is testament to that. Its now 1.15 pm and I'm only just having some toast and peanut butter. I simply haven't felt hungry until now and haven't needed any food (eek)  I have felt more in control again and its down to 'no diet head'.  Diet head seems to rear its head every few weeks and cause havoc. Then it goes again and I feel so calm, positive and in control its fab. If my mind is occupied food is now furthest from my mind.

I'm not getting as much exercise as my son broke his leg badly and is home and in a full leg plaster. I am finding it hard to adjust to it all so I'm setting myself a mini challenge to at least take Carla once a day for a  minimum of 30 mins while he is still home as this is long term as at least 5.5 more weeks at home.

I need to look back and see that although I haven't lost tonnes of weight, although I've had a fair few blips this one being the worst, I have still achieved alot. I have still lost alot of inches, I now like exercise when I can find time, I have a far better relationship with food, I have regained alot of my confidence, I am calmer, happier, I am more positive whereas in the past I was terribly negative, so many changes.

So I am going back to basics today. I am sitting here listening to my slimpod as I type this as been struggling to listen properly due to so much going on and so tired or being interrupted   I am going to write down my positives (I've been doing this every day anyway) and need some goals as I've failed at them :( this hurts but I am going to move on from this and set some new ones.

My new goals

1) To be in my size 16 jeans for xmas day - my 18's are mega tight again
2) To be in size 14 jeans end March
3) To do 30 mins exercise each day even if its just walking Carla


So how will I reach my first goal

1) I will listen to my slimpod, fitpod and choccie pod daily
2) I will do 30 mins exercise a day
3) I will eat mindfully at each meal listening for the full signal
4) I will drink more water

I am not sure if my first goal is realistic or not as its only 8 weeks and I've a long way to go but we will see. I wish self sabotage would go away. I hate it. It drags me down constantly. Maybe its simply years of dieting and failing that make me this way?

mini challenges and new foods

I had a mini challenge last week to do 3 lots of 15 mins on the treadmill jogging for one minute and building up to one and a half minutes.  I did it!  I managed

Sunday – 15 mins at 4.5 managed to jog at 6.00  for 50 seconds

Tuesday – 15 mins 4.5 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 1.5 mins (as 60 + 30 secs)

Thursday – 20 mins 4.2 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 2 mins 15 secs (as 30 + 30 + 30 + 45 secs)

Friday – 15 mins at 4.2 and managed to jog at 6.00 for 2 mins and 10 secs (30 + 30 + 30 + 40 secs)

When I got the treadmill last year I struggled to walk on it for more than 5 mins at 3.00 :-)


So my challenge this week is to do 4 lots of 20 mins jogging for 2.5 mins



I also decided to try at least one new food a week.  Last week I tried

ricotta cheese

French toast

Quinoa


I loved all three of them. I had the ricotta with a piece of french toast, strawberries, blueberries and bananna, drizzled with a weeny bit of runny honey


The quinoa I simmered in a stock cube with sundried tomatoes and served with left over homemade chilli and a side salad


Unsure what I will try yet this week but will definitely try and least one new food.


Had a good week overall. I am terribly bloated this week which is horrid as everything is tight on me but I'm podding on and through it as it will go. I've upped my water and green tea intake to see if that helps at all.

I've had some lovely meals this week and have really enjoyed my food.

I did let the bloating get to me on one of the days. I felt huge and my jeans were so tight I had to take them off and wear stretchy trousers.  I allowed that to influence my day and ate all the wrong foods, but I realise thats not the way forward and picked myself up dusted myself down and continued being positive :)

I found my magic wand!

I found these at the weekend. They were as I was heading towards my biggest. Weight unknown.I think I look shy, awkward especially in the 2nd one. I couldn't smile for the camera. I hated photos big time. I was a hermit. I hated going out. I took Charlie to school and scarpered home shut the door quickly and felt 'safe'. Exercise was a swear word. I was allergic to it. Any form of it. I made any excuse not to walk princess barky knickers and it didn't help that she and I were scared of most things.

I wore size 22 pull on wide leg trousers. I told everyone I was a size 20-22. I couldn't understand why so little fitted of course. so I lived in these same black trousers which were tight on me like leggings when they should be like slacks/trousers, lose not fitted and tshirts or big tunics which stretched across all the wobbles and rolls So when I started slimpodding. I wanted to be a comfortable size 20. Easy, only a size and a bit to go. It was at this point I realised I hadn't been a size 20/22. Nothing in a size 20 anywhere near fitted me other than these wide legged trousers as leggings

So I looked at my measurements from around this time over the weekend and compared them to sizing charts. I was in fact a size 26-28 squeezed into a size 20-22.   So when I tried to drop a dress size I was in fact really dropping 3-4 sizes

I can now officially tell you I am a size 18. A real size 18 as pretty much all size 18's fit me and some size 16's I kidded myself for years. Would never buy anything above a size 22. if it didn't stretch round me I didn't have it, hence I actually had very little other than a few tshirts, the same littlewoods pull on trousers and a mens xxxxl regatta rain coat and the arms were twice as long as I needed them to get it to do up around me.

I was a negative person. Most unhappy. Most unhealthy. No confidence. IBS. Hated going anywhere. Got tongue tied talking to people and always messed it up so consequently didnt bother. I hated the phone. OMG i'd do anything and go to such lengths not to use it. Thank goodness for email sad really but that was me. I would say I was suffering depression too but would never have admitted it to anyone.

So I did slimming world for a bout a year and lost a couple of stone. Was I happy no not really it didn't change anything really I was still bingeing, grazing and falling into food all the time. I had that awful diet cycle. weigh day always meant eat as little as possible to weigh as little as possible. Do a wee a million times and take the lowest weight. Soon as weighed it was treat day. Eat whatever I wanted, a treat, it was weigh day. Next day it would continue and possibly the next, then i'd wake up around day 3 omg weigh day in 4 days how can I pull it back ? what can I do? OMG why did I do this every week ? Well I wanted to be slim didnt I? In my eyes if I was slim I'd be happy, I'd be confident, everything would be okay.

Then I found the pods. Read the reviews. Had to try them. I wanted a magic wand

They arrived one Saturday morning. I couldn't wait for the men to go to football so I could listen. I clearly remember that day. So they left and I listened. I was so disappointed. This 10 minute track was going to change my life yeah right

But I'd spent money on them I had to try so I continued to listen. I was a chocoholic too. OMG I could eat choccie till it came out of my ears. Feel sick stop and carry on later

Gradually things changed. I began to feel happier. I began to leave food on my plate, not all the time but yes I did leave it.

You know the rest really. But were they the magic wand I was looking for?? Yes they were but not quite in the manner I wanted them to be. I assumed it would all just drop off me and i'd be this happy size 10 confident woman.

What happened? Well you know that story but what I'm trying to say is I am a size 16-18. I am happy. I am calm (most of the time) I was a stress head. a fisherwoman. ask my kids , I am positive, I am confident, I no longer suffer daily with IBS, I can go swimming, I have faith in me, I can drive again abit at a time, I am no longer a chocoholic, I no longer binge daily, I no longer weigh 10 times a day, I can talk to strangers, I can use the phone, the list goes on and on just like me I got that magic wand really didn't I? I got all the things I wanted plus more and I'm no where near a size 10 Being skinny simply wasn't the answer I needed to deal with my head, sort out my terrible relationship with food I have pretty much done that. Its taken me a year at the end of October.

Do you know what I'd happily trade it. I'd stay this size forever keep my slimpods and all they've given me and give up being skinny. I started this journey with one thing in mind to be skinny and I'd give that up now why?? am I a nutter ?? (dont answer that one please) no I'm not a nutter I am just happy. I have confidence. I also know I will reach my goals. I will be happy at size 14 skinny no longer matters. Theres far more to it than that

In these piccies theres a big difference - I have a 'real' smile