Friday, 25 July 2014

One week until Centerparcs!

I am so looking forward to this holiday as so need it.

Things I love in the lead up

I plan to go swimming. I even have two size 18 swimming costumes (eek!) Not one to shove in the case and never use, but two i love and plan to use!!! Huge huge step forward.

I plan to go cycling.  I never take my bike. I usually get out the Jackie book of excuses and use one or two. This year hubby commented about ie me not taking my bike and not going swimming and was shocked that I planned to. :) hehehehehehe

Goal - I am still working on it. I want to achieve it but had a set back. In the lead up I've been having sleeping problems and panicky feelings at night which in turn left me tired, grumpy and struggling. All things that seem to ensure I make bad food choices as feel so zombieish.  The good news is that has now been dealt with :)  I had a problem with sleeping/travelling that went back to aged 18 (OMG!!) it was a total shock as not at all what I expected it to be but its gone!!  I went to Greece aged 18 and the whole thing was abit of a shock to me. So basic, so hot, no key to our room, all sorts, so I struggled to sleep and clock watched. I had totally forgotten this as it was a few years ago hehehehe. Then next holiday was Tunisia and that had its own set of problems and the two together seem to have built up so that going on holiday/travelling/sleeping are all this huge mess.  Its gone!! woohoo!  had two fab nights sleep and I'm feeling so much more relaxed and ready to face the world again.

I even got up early today because I wanted to and its the school holidays so I didn't have to. I'm back to my TTapp basic work out plus. I usually chose step away the inches if I'm honest as its simple and easy but I have chosen the other one!! This is so unlike me but I know it works. It produces longer leaner muscle (yes I will have some muscle rather than all the flab)! and its just 15 mins a day.  Its not easy to master but this time I've picked up happily where I left off and can do 90% of it.  It seems to give my body strength, help my knees and my back pain so really its a good 15 mins spent so I plan to stick to it this time as I was getting lower back trouble and neck trouble again and already I am seeing huge improvements.

So Centerparcs here I come!

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

size 18 here I come again

I've spent alot of time working on my head.  I gained more than I thought but I've never given up.  I am back to Ttapp as that is what works for me.  I can fit it in, I like it and it melts the inches in just 20 mins a day or less, so that suits me best and walking when I can . I plan to up the walking too.

I have noticed the wee gremlins jumping in trying to ruin it for me as my shape changes. Partly because as I get my waist back and my tummy starts to go down I get this spare shelf around my hips which I hate. I go from all rounded like a telly tubby to lumpy for a while and this is the point I often give in as in my eyes this look is worse than the all rounded one hehehehehe as is between sizes. So that is where I am today, but today I chose to wear a dress (eek!) I do not do dresses. To me I could only ever wear a dress when slim and I've stuck to that for more years that I can count, but today despite the extra shelf and still being and 18/20 I am wearing a dress !!

On Saturday I wore cycle shorts.  Biggie?  Yes it is as I truly believe this is one mammoth step forward for me mentally. Going out in public in something my mind always told me I couldn't do until slim is accepting lifes hurdles and allowing them to be a part of my journey. Its like my mind has finally accepted that it is now inevitable I will be slim.!  To me thats a huge biggie so I am grinning.

So the shelf... I have 2 weeks and one day until Centerparcs, so rather than give in and accept I am this size, I chose to pop it up a notch with the exercise today and do the Basic Workout Plus. Now I've not done this for over a year probably nearer two years but I KNOW it works omg I know it works .  Its only 20 mins but omg I sweat lol and 2 years a go when I bought it I could not do 5 mins. I had to build it up section by section over several weeks until I could finally do the whole workout... today I popped it in the dvd player and did the full workout. I knew about it but I had the stamina and the health to do it in one go :) I am so so proud of myself.  I cannot tell you how good it feels so now I need to fit this in once a day until my holiday :) I CAN DO THIS.

I feel I've climbed a huge mountain lately. I've had days where its easier to hit the crisps and chocolate and then I've found myself thinking 'what was that all about'  I could see what I was doing and rather than give into the gremlins I've squished them each time. As with all gremlins the more I squished the more they came back and i've had quite a rollercoaster of a fortnight but I do feel they are going now and that will help my tummy go down more as crisps and bread bloat me and my stomach was alot flatter prior to the gremlin fortnight. This time I've fought them and won. I've accepted them as hurdles I must jump over rather than walk around.  This time I'm going for goal  :)  Its a very empowering feeling. Old Jackie would never have upped the exercise a notch to deal with 'the shelf' she'd have given into the gremlins as it was easier. I won't give into them as I've reached a time in my journey where I must deal with them and accept its a part of years and years of what I did just trying to squeeze back into my life. Its my choice if I let them isn't it? It's down to me?  Well I've chosen not to let them this time.

So here is todays piccie. Not a pretty sight but I'm a work in progress and I'm wearing a fitted dress despite not liking my figure or the 'shelf' that always appears as I begin to exercise.  But then look at the last photo.... THE REAL SMILE :) because I KNOW I CAN DO IT :)

The moral of this story is acceptance and never giving in, for me acceptance has been the harder one.