Tuesday, 29 October 2013

blog for 21st September I forgot to post!

A few things were said to me today that made me realise just how different my life is since finding slim pods. The first was 'you look shapely' lol, yep my jeans are baggy and I can nearly pull them down without undoing them  The second was 'you are so much calmer and so happy these days'... how true is that. I've stuck at a size 18 for about a year now. Not really gained not really lost and don't we all get despondent when this happens. I read it all the time on here. Not happening, feel despondent, but we are forgetting the changes that are happening, have happened and will continue to happen if we just give the Slimpods a chance.

I was a size 28 hermit. I didn't leave the house. I had zero confidence. I'm now a size 18 and looks years younger, feel years younger, feel alive. I am happier, I am slimmer, I am fitter, I have control over food, I am confident. I've started a little business in mid July making hand stamped jewellery, medical jewellery, dog tags. People love it, I love it. I had the confidence to do this.  I am loving life. I am no longer the stress head of a mother I used to be. I'm the calmest mum on the playground by far. Silly things don't get to me like they used to. I'm no longer wound up like a coil ready to spring. I'm calm and confident and happy.

So when you feel despondent, wonder if its working, ask yourself 'why did I turn to slimpod?' you likely will answer that you wanted something different, no more dieting, no more deprivation, you wanted control back over your eating, you likely like myself wanted to get off that turntable. Do you want to go back to that? I 110% do not. I am happy to take this slowly. Slimpods have changed my life so much and I can never thank anyone enough for what they have done for me. I started this to gain back control and i've achieved that tenfold. I feel amazing. I really am a new woman and i'd rather take this scenic route and enjoy my life that worry about calories, syns or points or starving and bingeing. I've not binged for two years this xmas.  I binged daily before.

I've made some amazing friends and been inspired by some amazing people. 

Waffle over but when you feel abit low, or abit despondent, just remember why you bought your Slimpod, let it work, give it time to work, it really isn't a race and it really will change your life  off to finish my orders  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

time for a blog!

I cannot believe how long its been since I last blogged I really must start doing this regularly as this journey is amazing.

I've been so so busy with LilyRose and my copyright work I've not had much if any spare time lately.  LilyRose took off so quickly and I am so so happy about this as I love making the jewellery and medical bracelets and so many lovely mementos and gifts for people.

Anyway, slimpods,.  I have stuck around size 18 for a year. If I was dieting I'd be gutted. I'd be a failure. But I have learnt so much in this past year and changed so much. My confidence is returning and without Slimpods I'd never have had the confidence to even consider starting up LilyRose.

Its like chibbling away at layers of an onion. I think I hit the thickest layer but I really do feel I'm nearly through it now. Time to let go of what's left of the weight.  I've gone from a size 28 (I believed I was a size 20 at the beginning as I could squeeze into some 20's lol. It was only on measuring and trying on more fitted clothes I realised just how big I had got) I lived in cuckoo land!!

So time to start exercising again and stop making excuses.  I've been walking Carla more again and now I feel its time to get Lesley Sansome out or my ttapp walking DVD as they work very well for me and both make me feel better in myself so will probably mix and match and use both. Lesley has that infectious smile. within a couple of minutes of her DVD I'm smiling and determined so that can't be bad can it ?  TTapp I love as its helped me to stop slouching, no duck feet hehehehe that phrase makes me laugh but so true walking with feet out etc and its helped my neck and back ache so much,  Why did I stop? summer holidays really got out of the routine and simply got lazy.

Done some work recently and feel we've reached the core of my issues around food now, so I just now need to learn to move on without the issues :) I've noticed I no longer go for the crisps. This is huge for me as every issue seemed to = grab and eat two or three packets of crisps, not tasting them just eating them fast as if no control. Not a binge by any means as I've been binge free for two years in December, just like I subconsciously go to them and no stopping me. It has stopped.  I am snacking abit on the odd biscuit etc but I'm back to listening to my chocolate pod and its helping alot and going away again.  I am feeling so much more in control again too,.

One of the issues it all went back to was big and I've spent 33 years with my mind protecting me, now I know what was causing it the jigsaw is complete. Each piece now in place. Its taken me a couple of weeks to piece together and see all the things it affected.  It all makes sense now.  Changes are happening.

I always had this thing about approval,. Starting up LilyRose seemed to set this off big time and make it more noticeable. I'd be making a bespoke piece, send photos, await approval, It was fine if that person replied immediately but if they were busy and didn't reply for 24hours my world fell apart each time, my hand went for the crisps as that 'feeling' I got while awaiting approval, not feeling in control, triggered off a reaction. Quite amazing really. As I say so many things in my life make sense now that I know the root cause.  The mind is just so powerful its unbelievable.

What has this journey given me? I've said it before and I'll say it again, My life back. I'd been slowly becoming almost hermit like. Not wanting to go out much, not wanting to interact with people, but alot of that goes back to approval too, not being good enough, not feeling good enough, the whole thing was a vicious cycle that seemed to just go round and round. Its gone :) so now I just need to build new ways of doing things. Start enjoying life., As my confidence grows the more it grows in life.

Sometimes I look back and cannot believe the changes in me :) Little mouse Jackie is going bit by bit. New Jackie is emerging day by day. I really can do this. We really really can achieve anything we put our minds to. Its just being determined and never giving up.  I've never ever given up on the Slimpods because I know they work I just began to realise at times I overrid them and it was working out why :)

So now its time to reset some smart goals and get on with life. Its almost a weird feeling no longer 'needing food'.  Its quite obviously controlled me for such a long time and now I've taken back control. I think thats what made me go for the biscuits and chocolate a little bit later,. Because I could. But it wasn't a binge it was like mmmm really fancy that I'll have it. There are no banned foods. I can have them. Its like a little phase I went through at the beginning of the Slimpods. Enjoying having what I wanted because I was in control and no food was off limits. Then as time goes on you begin to make healthier choices because you want to and thats where my mind is more this week :) woohoo!

Anyone thinking of buying a Slimpod, buy it! Anyone thinking of giving up my question to you is why??  Do you want to go back to dieting? starving yourself? Making food forefront in your mind and start the vicious circle up again?? I certainly don't!  You cannot expect the pods to change your life overnight.  Yes they will for some, and for others it will take longer, but thats just it many give up before they've really had time to work their magic, assuming they don't work and one of things I've noticed over the years is people miss little changes because they are not writing down their positives. Things like leaving food on their plate. Not feeling hungry until lunch. Eating smaller portions etc etc. Always check you are following those 3 golden rules,. They are such simple easy rules that many drop one or two and just listen. The golden rules are there to help you to succeed so use them! and yes I'll practise what I preach and reset my goals!

Friday, 6 September 2013

Summer time fun

Gosh not updated my blog for ages now.

I've had a stressful time lately and overridden the pods a few times but I am still podding and seem to be coming out the other side again now. I am noticing what sort of things set me off and trying to deal with each thing.

Extreme stress is one of them, also another seems to be when waiting to hear if someone is happy with something I've done for them. ie waiting on a reply to an email, a pm, if its something I feel i've done wrong, or something I need approval for. This has happened a few times over the last few months, its like I can't bear the wait and nibble on rubbish (but only until i'm full) hehehehehehe. I haven't binged for well over 18 months now. I can't. I can still turn to crap when stressed or its triggered but once full I have to stop. The outcome tends to be I feel lethargic and bloated but don't gain weight lol. So my motto is 'eat crap, feel crap'!

New Jackie has more confidence. Alot more confidence in fact.  So much so that I have been busy setting up my little hand stamped jewellery and memories shop on facebook.

I would never have been able to do this prior to Slimpods. I had zero self confidence and faith in myself.

 I am loving it as its something I am so passionate about.  A friend asked me to make a medical bracelet for her son. He doesn't like to wear one as the official ones are terribly expensive and ugly but she worries as felt he should wear one so I set out on a mission to produce something abit funky for him and this was the result.

I also made a keyring so he had something on his house keys too. On the back of each was his Mum's mobile number in case of an emergency.

Then I made simple tags to go on bags, belts, keyrings etc
Then I became totally stunned by the amount of requests I was receiving to make something unique to each person. Something they would feel happy and proud to wear but served a purpose. I had millions of ideas running around my head.  People loved them :) They were thrilled to have 'normal' jewellery which served a very important purpose for them should anything ever happen. So these two bracelets are examples of more funky jewellery I created.  These could even be made as sterling silver charm bracelets with hand stamped charms :)

Some wanted something even more simple so I made up bangles. At a distance its simply a plain pretty bangle (bangles don't photograph well which is sad as they are far far more pretty and durable than they look)

I also make pretty jewellery too but as I say I've been totally stunned by the amount of interest in the medical jewellery, to me its far better someone wears something they are comfortable with than refuse to wear something which could at some point save their life.

So over the summer LilyRose was born. My hobby turned into something more. Why the name LilyRose? Why handstamped jewellery? 8 years ago I lost my lovely Dad. I wanted a memento. I searched high and low for a handstamped silver bangle. In the end I got one made in the US and shipped over. I bought all the metal stamps and forgot all about them. I struggled to stamp so gave up. A few weeks ago I got a bangle off a lovely lovely lady on fb. It made me want to try again so I ordered more stamps as I've got 8 years ideas in my head! I love making things and I want others to be able to discuss ideas and we make something unique for them too :) I love something abit different so LilyRose was born. Lily was my Nana's name and her favourite flower. Roses were my Dad's favourite flower. 

If you would like to look at what I have been making this is my little page.

The page gives ideas of what can be made but the whole idea is that we make something unique to you.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

My head is in a good place!

I am feeling really positive and confident at the moment.  My head is back in a good place and I have faith in me.

This week I have noticed big changes in my eating habits. I am just waiting until I feel hungry and eating, and then stopping when full. I am not constantly eating just because its lunch time, or breakfast time. I do eat my main meal with the family though as its the one time of day we all sit together.

I am noticing I am really considering what it is I want and having it. I've also noticed I am serving up smaller portions again and finding them satisfying as I know I can eat again if hungry. Most of the time I am not needing to. Last night I felt hungry so I had some rich tea biscuits and a yogurt. It was what I fancied. I have never been a fan of Rich Tea biscuits so its an odd choice for me to make but it hit the spot and I enjoyed it.

I am trying to master hula hooping. Hmmmm I am not succeeding at all apparently I am simply not moving my hips! Or so Charlie says! I am believe it or not trying to! I am not giving in. I shall just have to keep trying!

I have noticed on 3 occasions in the past 2 weeks, my 'hands' have wanted food. I know that sounds odd but its abit like smoking I guess. Years and years of ingrained habits and certain circumstances (usually stress for me) make my hands want food. I know I'm not hungry, I don't need it, but my hands do, Why oh why don't mind hands chose to want fruit? or a healthy snack? No when my hands want food its always chocolate and crisps. Eaten fast and before you know it you are 4 penguins and 3 bags of crisps in, then I sit on my hands! But I observed it, I see what sets me off now and I am doing something about it .

In the past though with all the stress I've had it would have been and was a daily occurrence several times a day, not just the odd one once a day, and these days I realise what I am doing and stop and simply carry on normally. I don't spend weeks bingeing and feeling sorry for myself. It happened. Its done. Its dusted. move on. This works well for me as limits the damage and I don't feel overwhelmed.

Its like I'm taking back my control of food one step at a time and not many steps left now as most of the time I have total control. My hands don't!

I find I chose to walk to town, even in this extreme heat rather than take the car which is here most of the time now as Gary uses a company car/van thingy. I have a sedantry job really so I find I am getting up and doing something just little bits rather than sit there all day as I did. Kids are off now for the summer so I will be up and down far more being referee!  You'd think as one is 16 and one just 9 all would be calm wouldn't you? Big age gap? Different interests? Oh no their main interest is winding each other up. Even at 16 if your little sister kicks you, its okay to kick her back, but harder and then say I didn't hurt her!!  They are both as bad that's for sure.

I am slowly changing my beliefs in myself.  Its taking time but I can see it changing slowly for the better :) Changing my life a step at a time :) for the better, for good!

Monday, 15 July 2013

All About Me!

Whenever I hit a blip for whatever reason I look back at pictures. I actually hate having my photograph taken! Always have. But pictures tell a story don't they. Here I am hiding behind a) my hair b) my dog! and looking at the dog so as not to look at the camera. I hate this photo. Was it taken from an iffy angle? Nope all the photos that day are just as bad. Yep I really did look like that! eek!

Then I found this picture

Look sideways Jackie don't look at that camera. I lived in black. I thought I looked slimmer! As one does.

The hair is off my face abit though, not totally hiding behind it.

Then I start my slimpod journey and here I am 

The slouched shoulders, no confidence.

Then today

Whats different?? I've come out from behind the hair, I'm actually looking at the camera as I took this picture. And look at the smile. That real smile :)

Have I reached my target yet? Nope a fair way to go. But I am not recognizable as the woman I was before. I walk tall. No slouched shoulders. I smile alot more.  I am far far happier.

Yes my stomach feels huge at the moment. Its partly hormonal that's for sure but we won't go into that, its all part and parcel of being a woman!  Its been this way 2 months now and I let it get me down but why? Its me isn't it? Its just how it is? Why am I so bothered?? I felt a failure again. Yep that blooming word failure. Why oh why does that word come up so much ? I guess because its my belief. I believe I am a failure. So lets change that word forever shall we??

F  = FRIENDS = I've made some fantastic friends on my journey
A = ACTION = move that body for a better body - I move around more now
I = INSPIRE = I inspire some people to keep going
L = LIKE = I like me again!
U = UNDERSTAND = I understand what others are going through and love to help
R = REAL = I have a real smile
E = EYES = I have pretty eyes

The other thing is I have spent the last few years thinking I look gross. Disgusting. Quick hide behind as many clothes as possible. I've spent ever summer in leggings. Thick black leggings or trousers. :( Awful.  This year I got sick of it. Why hide? Who's looking at me for goodness sake the World has far better things to do than to look and me and think "OMG look at her!" but I honestly used to believe they did. Stare at me. Think I was gross and disgusting just as I thought.

2 weeks ago I got hold of my two pairs of stretchy black trousers and cut the legs off. Shorts that happily fit over my larger belly. I've lived in them since! I've not got changed to walk to town, to go for coffee, to go to the shops. I am me. I went out as me! and guess what nobody said anything and I didn't look at the pavement. I didn't hunch my shoulders. I didn't dash back indoors and hide from the World, I went out. I enjoyed it. I walked tall with a smile and many smiled and said hi back to me!

I finally have confidence. I may not have a size 14 body yet, but I have something far better than that I feel happier. I can talk to people I don't know. I can go outside in shorts and not give a stuff what others think. So if like me you are hiding behind thick leggings, long tops, stretchy trousers. DON'T!!!! Be you! Be happy! Enjoy your life. 

I will be a size 14 and I will get there this year :) I am determined. I am actually beginning to believe I really can do this. I didn't believe I could before so I was never going to get there. My beliefs are changing :) I've changed so much in my life I am now only one step away from getting that size 14 body. Its quite a big step really. Abit like climbing a mountain, but imagine that sense of achievement when you get to the top of that mountain :) How amazing will that feel? I know how amazing it will feel. I can 'feel' what it will feel like. I can visualise it now :)  Look how long its taken me to truly believe that YES I CAN DO IT!

I have dealt with so much and now I'm on the last hurdle. My belief in me. My faith in me. Its been a long journey for me. Would I change it? NO.  Trevor says 'There is no failure only feedback' and he's right. Each blip, each tear, each hair pulled out in frustration is for a reason. We grow as we learn. I've learnt so much about me.

I have had the most stressful year possible but I have come out the other side. I am a confident woman again. I have a real smile :)

Saturday, 22 June 2013

I've put things back into perspective :)

I think watching the Dove advert again and doing the exercise with the mirror has helped me a lot. Some friends read that post and pretty much all of them in different ways told me I seriously don't see what they see. :) These friends have known me at my biggest. At my most negative and they see the changes in me far better than I do.

So I am feeling really positive again :)  I seem to have these little blips but they are usually connected to stress or my perception of myself.

Its funny how we see ourselves. How we are so critical of ourselves yet others aren't.  I think alot of the tiny blips I've had are down to years of dieting.  So the slightest set back gets all out of proportion in my head as I feel I'm failing again when I'm not. Its just for that split second I don't see it.

I've tweaked my new goals as I feel inch loss matters more to me at the moment as I am feeling bloated.  The goals needs to mean something to you for it to be really effective, so its tweaked and I plan to use 2 inches off tummy and 1 inch off my waist by 31st July 2013.

What diets works from the inside out? Giving you back that inner confidence, that glow, that loving the skin you're in feeling when not even yet at target?

What diet helps you to put food to the back of your mind? Every diet I've ever followed has made me obsess about the one thing I am trying not to obsess about - food!

What diet helps you to eat normally again? Eat when hungry stop when full? That's what I do now :) I eat normally. I have a healthy relationship with food.

What diet can stop binge eating?  I was a terrible binge eater. I haven't binged for well over a year now. In fact it was a year at Christmas so well over a year.

What diet makes you feel relaxed?

I feel so good inside so now want to reach my ultimate goal of size 14 this year :) I feel my head is in the right place to achieve this so my long term goal is to be wearing a size 14 outfit on Christmas Day 2013.  I have changed so much in my life.  I can now get on with exercising and chibbling away at the inches left :)

I used to be scared to answer the phone to make phone calls. This week i've really noticed this has totally gone. I've spoken to several people recently who I don't know and I've done so confidently. I used to be terrified of skype, I am absolutely fine with it now, it doesn't worry me at all :)

I used to be rubbish at social media I am now loving it, learning it, and living it hehehehehehe. I am still learning and tweaking but I love it and use it properly :)

I am eating with my family. Not buying in special food as on a diet. I love that. I just happily leave food on my plate once I am full :)

Here's to the rest of 2013.  2013 is my year!

Saturday, 15 June 2013

New Goals

So I have reset my goals. Set new 6 week goals as I have struggled the last few weeks. Kind of lost my focus abit with all the stress I was under. But I've dusted down, giving myself a talking to and ready to hit those size 14 pear shaped linen trousers. Especially as looks like summer will be late this year hehehehehe

I also have a pair of size 14 pear shaped jeans which will be my goal after my trousers as the trousers are wider legged :)


1) I will lose 2 inches off my stomach and an inch off my waist by 31st July 2013

How will I do this

1) I will do core cardio once a week

2) Ttapp basic workout plus 3 times a week

3) Walk princess barky knickers 5 times a week

4)  Try new recipes

5) Drink more water

6) Listen to my pods and find 3 positives every day

Friday, 14 June 2013

At a crossroads - how I see myself

Not sure how many people saw the Dove advert but I thought about it a lot today. I had tears in my eyes the first time I watched it and again today. Why? Because I am so harsh about myself.

If you haven't seen it. Do watch it. Its quite an eye opener. I think this is the full ad


So first off. I need to do this exercise.  I am going to show a photo and describe myself to you. How I honestly see me.

Look in the mirror, What do I see?
This fat frumpy person looking back at me...

She's got a big nose and chunky thighs
Each time she looks she feels sad and she sighs.

She's got a fat belly, and a couple of chins
years of bad eating and counting those syns!

What bought all this on? Why feeling so down?
She got out those scales, got on, then off with a frown ...

Why did she do it? why step on them to see?
She wanted that number to be kinder you see.

A week of feeling fab, clean eating, and more
yet step on the scales and her heart hit the floor.

Why did it matter? her diet head kicked in
and made her feel a failure and fatter not thin!

Yet old Jackie's gone, and new Jackie's here
pass her a tissue to wipe off that tear

She's got confidence, stands tall, is healthier too
Who cares about a number that's staring at you!

Hold that head high, be proud of how far you have come
That number means nothing, scales are just dumb

They don't show the changes, the habits that are gone
the hurdles jumped over, the feeling she's won!

The binges are over, she knows when to stop
the number eventually just has to drop

So why let a number ruin your day
Pop those bleddy scales away!

I see chins, bulges, fat thighs.  I see crows feet. I see a belly that always make me look pregnant.
I feel conscious of what I see.  I want to hide the rolls of fat from others. I want to pretend its not there. Yet I was far far far bigger.

I realised on watching the Dove advert again I don't see what others see.   Its my perception of me. I need to remember how far I have come. The fact I am happier, healthier, fitter, and have that real smile :) What matters more? A number? What others think?  or how I feel?  How I feel wins :) I've never felt better if I'm honest. I exercise regularly. Never over eat. Eat when hungry and stop when I'm full. My body just needs to catch up abit!  I guess at the end of the day I've spent years abusing my body. Feeding it crap. Not moving it. Not doing anything about it other than dieting, dieting and more dieting.  I need to have that word Darin talks of all the time PATIENCE!!!!!


Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Girlie Days with Charlie

Charlie loves Girlie Days. I think because it means quality time with Mum but also because Mum spends money (rollseyes)

Saturday was the first one for a while. It meant a walk into town. A wander round Store Twenty One to make it affordable to buy her several bits and pieces. She came out of there with an orange cardi, orange skirt, (neon) eek! dress, rug for her bedroom, new door hook for her room, and I'm sure there were other bits too.

I came out with a new winnie the pooh mug.

We then went into Costa. She loves their double chocolate chip muffins.  so she had one with a coke and I had a coffee and a small lemon tart. Charlie pinched part of that lol.

We wandered to Wilkinsons as her spending spree wasn't over apparently.  We then find they have a free craft table and free face painting, so we queue, and queue. She makes a tissue paper pot she is very proud of and had her face painted.

Shes 9 going on 18! hehehehehe everything becomes a fashion show! as you can see neon cardy (skirt same colour) hehehehehe

Oh and the butterfly lasted until Monday night as she refused to wash, or lay on her side in bed to keep it perfect.

She also 'needed' new art supplies. 'needed' not wanted 'needed' So she came home with a carrier bag full that are all over my lounge floor along with bratz dolls, barbies and general Charlie junk! I am convinced shes Britain's youngest hoarder in the making ! She loves that programme.

Today is apparently girlie day too :) Again this meant a walk to Costa in the rain, a trip to Wilkinsons as she 'needed' more art supplies for her project for my birthday on Sunday!  It looks like I am getting a small Charlie handmade canvas piccie for my office wall as we 'needed' a pack of four blank canvases!

She did try to tell me we 'needed' these sparkly stones that go in the bottom of a fish tank.  ummm we don't have a fish tank! and at £2.99 I passed on that one!

Today she made me laugh so much. We were in the queue in Costa.  Someone picked up a diet coke. She piped up 'Mummy does that lady really think that drink is good for her? dear dear its full of chemicals and quite addictive' OMG I wanted the ground to swallow me up.!  I asked how she knew that and apparently I told her. :)  She then proceeds to read the labels on the drinks and choose a Fanta (don't ask) but apparently the odd glass of 'real fizzy' is better than chemicals and she doesn't drink much of it now as prefers high juice and fizzy water :)  So perhaps I was wrong and Charlie does listen to me sometimes !

Shes apparently going to listen to the confidence pod this week as its the talent show auditions at school next Friday and by listening to the confidence pod a) she will sing just like Katie Perry b) it makes her voice better lol

Oh and apparently slimpods are great. They made her Mummy beautiful hehehehehehe!

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Little changes

I had to blog about this. Its a silly thing but it was a realisation last night!

Last night we had a roast dinner.  Love roast dinners but we don't always have them due to time, cost and getting everyone together lol

Well this would have been Old Jackie's roast dinner =

Chicken with skin on (eating extra as I served up) :) one of the perks of the job isn't it? hehehehehe, veggies, tonnes of roast potatoes (I mean I cooked them in olive oil so its healthy isn't it? so pile it high)  a couple of Yorkshires, parsnips, and gravy, and mint sauce and stuffing.  I would be knicking potatoes as I served while nobody was looking so it looked like I was eating less (rollseyes) :( Then I'd have eaten the lot. Saving the best bits for last. I always cleared my plate. Even as a kid. So I'd eat what I wasn't so keen on saving all the goodies till then end. Did this for 44 years :)

So realisation time.  Bearing in mind no diet head. I just slimpod. I don't follow any plan and never plan to -

I served mine last.  I didn't eat anything as I served up.  I pondered for a second. mmmmm what do I fancy?  Yorkshire? - nah seriously don't fancy any today. So I served - lean chicken breast. For some reason I removed the skin (shrugs shoulders) :eek: didn't fancy it! OMG :eek:! Piled on the veggies and roasted parsnips. I say piled on I don't mean a heap just a serving. Potatoes.  Mmmm do I want any... I'll have 3 tiny ones.  Stuffing, mmm yes love that, and a weeny bit of gravy.

I sat down. Realising not overly hungry, so I found myself eating my favourite foods first, veggies and chicken apparently hehehehehehehe. I ate 2 weeny potatoes. That's it.  I left quite abit of my dinner once I was full.  I left potato and parsnip on my plate ???? unheard of. 

I bought cream cakes yesterday. I cannot remember the last time I bought them. My favourites too choux buns with caramel on top. Yum..... but it wasn't yum. Mine sat in the fridge. Simply didn't fancy it and still don't. Good job as Chris ate mine last night. He had two hehehehehehehe.  He asked who's it was first. I said mine.  He said oh that's fine just asking as they were scrummy.  I said have it , seriously ,I don't want it????.......

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

I love my slimpod because...

Why do you love your slimpod? do you have one?

I was busy looking for that quick fix when I found Slimpods. I'd been dieting for about 25-30 years and was yo yoing up and down. I'd diet lose a stone, fail, binge, and gain that stone and more. It was a vicious cycle really.

Make a video of your own at Animoto.

I was in a vicious cycle of binge for 2-3 days, starve for 3 -4 days leading up to weigh day, weigh, then start the cycle again. I've been slimpodding for about 16 months now and gone from a size 26/28 down to pretty much a size 16. Alot of 16's fit me but not all. But thats good enough for me as I wouldn't have squeezed one leg in before. Slimpods are fab. No willpower required. Just some time and patience. Not even that for many. Just a case of listening and following the 3 golden rules. It really is that simple. Trevor has a lovely voice too and so many find it so relaxing and even comment that they sleep better too :) thats the effect they had for me too. Are you ready to try something that works long term? Buy a slimpod then :) People sometimes say to me its expensive. £29.99... how is that expensive? Its a one off payment. No paying to get weighed and humiliated. No yo yoing anymore. No joining fee. Its simply a one off fee. Best £29.99 I've ever spent. Well a little more than that as I bought the package with the chocolate pod, but still the best value for money weight /size wise i've ever spent. I am slowly shrinking. I am okay with it being slow. I love the fact thats its permanent changes. Its not a race this is a lifestyle. A new happy, confident, positive, healthier, more active lifestyle. What I love most is you do it because you want to rather than feel you have to!! Tell my brain I can't have something and pink elephant jumps in. I want it! Tell my brain it can simply have what it wants when it needs it and I rarely need it. If I do, I have it. Yes thats right, no diet foods in my house. No muller lights, no syn counting, no point counting, no omg I ate a packet of crisps the world will end. I can have just what I want! I have learnt what hungry is :) I know when thirsty rather than hungry :) I hear the full signal so loud I have to stop as I hate feeling full now. It no longer comforts me I hate to feel overfull but to be fair i've not felt over full for months. I can't eat that much ! woohoo! I love the freedom. Its so liberating not to follow a plan, to eat with my family, to want to do my ttapp dvd to want to go for a walk rather than I should do the 30 day shred and kill myself! I love the confidence, the positivity, the fact I feel alive. The fact I am enjoying my life. The fact that I don't look at every label. I just love the skin I'm in, stretch marks and all. I no longer look in the mirror and wish I had the perfect body, I look and see all the changes. I look and see a shape returning. I look and accept me for who I am. I love me again. I am happy with me. I love that inner confidence that shines from the inside out !

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Things are changing all the time

Its like new Jackie is emerging all the time. Like I've finally given myself permission to lose the weight! woohoo!

Food really has become fuel. Just food. If you'd told me that a year and a half ago I'd have laughed at you. Food really was everything to me. Its all I thought about from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I grazed all day. Binged most days. Its like I shoved everything down with food.

I ate if bored, ate if stressed, ate if upset, ate if happy. Every emotion you can think of I ate for it. No wonder I got to the size I was.

When I found slimpods I was failing miserably at Slimming World. Just on the verge of giving up. Then I read about the slimpods and loved the idea of no more dieting. I felt i'd tried most diets and failed and each time ended up bigger than when I started and more miserable. So I ordered the slimpods.

I loved them straight away as they made me feel good inside. Something I'd never had before.

I don't think about food until I am hungry or the others ask me to make their lunch etc.  I often refuse food if I don't need it or want it (eek!) I never refused food in the past even if I had just eaten hehehehehe.

Last night made me think.  My eldest went to the shop to get chocolate. Bless him he came back with a big bar of cadburys for me.  Just as he used to months ago.  I popped it on the side as didn't want it.... urmmmmm in the past I'd have devoured that straight away in one sitting.  Its still sat there today. Its not even calling me at all.  I'm not even bothered if someone else eats some or all of it (eek)!  old Jackie would have hidden it . One did not share chocolate! I'd have eaten it all myself secretly and then disposed of the packaging when everyone at work or school.

I couldn't trust myself around food in the past. I didn't have a full signal and think I took comfort from that over stuffed feeling. It made me feel satisfied. Its like I had to ensure I always had enough food, far too much of it too, we threw so much food away. I no longer worry like this I mean hunger is not an emergency is it? Theres always plenty of food in the house but yes its possible just possible we might run out of something. Mine lot are finding this hard to accept. hehehehehehe

I love the look of fresh fruit and veggies. I love those bright enticing colours. Yet in the past I bet I didn't have one a day let alone 5! I'd tell you I didn't like them. But I realise that's just not true. My tastes have changed so much.

We went to Waitrose and Gary got me some chocolate cake with my coffee. I was hungry so I had some but I didn't really enjoy it as too sweet and rich.  I even left half of my coffee as felt full. Its funny how I have changed.  He still looks at me gone out. Whats the point in leaving a small bit of cake and half a coffee! Just finish it! But I don't want to anymore. I am no longer a dustbin.

My shape has changed beyond recognition. My size 16 jeans are getting lose already. So I am washing and wearing them before they no longer fit. They are pear shaped ones but that's my shape. I suspect over time that will change too :)

Its why I've always chosen an item as a goal.  One single item of clothing that I like. It doesn't matter to me if every size 16 in the world fits me, just one is fine. My goals aren't about a size they are about an item. When that item fits I chose another item I love and that's my next goal. I don't lose sleep over what else fits and doesn't fit. I am not bothered. I can see with my own eyes that the inches are melting away. I have a figure for the first time since having the kids . (Matt is 21 this year) I have a shape. I am proud of my new shape emerging. I no longer look in the mirror and pick fault or turn to food as upset. I  look in the mirror and notice the little changes. Little changes soon equal big changes. :)

I feel good from the inside out. I love encouraging and helping others as my journey hasn't been the easiest. I've struggled with my diet head all along. Others struggle and I love to show them this will pass, just keep going, and it will happen. Never give in.  Trevor is a wise one. He says 'there is no failure only feedback' and how true is that.  I have many negatives that happen but I learn from them.

I think a part of me had to accept. To give myself permission to lose the weight. To be slim.  I think I hid behind that fat for so long it was a comfort to me.  I don't mind how long my journey takes. I am not competing with anyone. This is my journey and I'm happy that's what matters. I am constantly making improvements, gaining more confidence and having more smilie days.

Do the slimpods work?  Yes if you give them the chance to. If you don't fight them. If you simply follow the 3 golden rules and don't try to cut corners they work 400%. What diet gives you that inner confidence before you reach your goal? none!

Saturday, 11 May 2013

not slimpod but made my own soap powder!

Not slimpod related at all but I guess I'm finding out what I'm all about these days. The new Jackie. I joined Wikaniko. (we can Eco) painting the world a very pale green.

I have a website ecofriendlymums.wikaniko.com

I am not a massive go green freak but I do think its important we consider the world around us for our kids.  I'd been drawn to some of their products so thought I'd sign up.  I wanted to try things like soap powder, fabric conditioner, washing up liquid. I love them all and the washing up liquid is so gentle on my skin I no longer get the flaky skin that the others used to give me.

Anyway I'm digressing but heres the recipe for homemade soap powder.

I used 2 cups of soap flakes
2 cups of borax (or a borax substitute (it will say this on the box)
2 cups of soda crystals

Mixed in bowl and popped into a Tupperware

For darks or lightly soiled just one tablespoon

for heavily soiled 2 tablespoons.

I think it works out pretty economical too.

The clothes feel clean. Its weird as there is no strong smell but they feel really lovely and freshly laundered.

I also love soap nuts.!!  OMG they are fab.  3 little soap nuts tied up in a sock will do 4-5 washes. They naturally produce soap and you don't need fabric conditioner.

I am converted!!  I won't be buying soap powder again.

I think I 'll use both the homemade and the soap nuts.  Because I can't chose between the two as love them both hehehehehehe

Friday, 10 May 2013


Its something I've never really had.  Well I am chatty if I know people but I had no faith in me. Its something I've worked on over the past 12 months, with the slimpods, with Lori, my confidence pod.  I've noticed subtle changes all along but suddenly its like its happened. I can't explain it but I feel that inner confidence, that self esteem, that feel good factor.

I've never loved the skin i'm in not even when skinny. Odd really but even when I was skinny all those many years ago I didn't love me. I always found fault in everything. Yet now I can see all the changes taking place and my figure slowly returning, I seem to accept it, to smile, to think to myself 'yes I can do this'.

I noticed it alot this last couple of weeks with phone calls, skype.  I hated the phone. I had a pretty big phobia of it if I didn't know the person I was speaking to. IF I felt comfortable I'd natter away happily no shutting me up but if I didn't know them OMG I was terrible. Tripping over every word. Panic rising. Feeling sick. Heart going. I would avoid phone calls at all costs.

I clearly remember the first time Sandra said she'd ring me to help me to sort myself out. My FIL hadn't long passed and I was bingeing like a good one.  A call!  Ring me! OMG how was I going to cope. Thing was I wanted to move forward. I wanted the bingeing to stop.  So I said Yes. :) I felt so anxious until the time of the call. I got myself so worked up. The call of course was fine, and it helped me so much.

It was at this time I started listening to the confidence pod and I gained enough , just enough confidence to visit Lori/Harshani for one to one hypnotherapy. We did quite abit on my faith in me and various other bits.

This week, as I say I have so noticed it. I've gone on skype without a thought. Felt okay about it even on a bad hair day (which I often have working at home) ! I even remember joking it was do my hair or do my exercise ! I mean miss allergic to exercise chosing to exercise rather than flatten that spikey hair. Oh and I'd gone up the school like it!!!! hehehehehehe

I have been on the phone alot more, without a thought. Been confident, put my point forward, made suggestions, joined in (possibly too much at times) but yes I did it!

I think we can safely say that my phone phobia has gone. I think I can safely say I now have confidence. Yep taken me until aged 45 (nearly 46) to get there but I am finally there. I am brimming with smiles. Brimming with confidence. Not an in your face confidence, I hope, just a subtle happiness, faith in me!!

I mean who would have thought I'd have blogged and shared my journey? I wanted to just to show others that mine hasn't been quick, no overnight fix, no quick fix but I'm getting there.  

I am in control of food and it no longer controls me. I have taken back control of my life. Lifes for living and I'm living it and loving it! Are you?

So I'm waffling again but I love the slimpods. I love what cognitive hypnotherapy can do for people Just how much it can change things.  As Dawn always says 'Nothing needs to be the way its always been' it really doesn't. Fears, phobias, weight, confidence, bingeing. It can all be changed :) I've not binged since xmas before last. So nearly a year and a half. I can't. I can barely eat past full anymore. I still eat what I fancy but I leave food if I'm full, yep leave food on my plate, even bin it!! rebel aren't I?!!!

Once I hear the full signal I stop. Every now and again I try to shove a couple more mouthfuls in as its yummy but then its like 'oh no stop!' too full.  Funny how we can change really isn't it?

Waffle over - for now hehehehehehehe

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation ......

Its how I feel! I feel amazing. I am oozing positivity, smiles, and confidence.

Getting into those jeans was the boost I needed. I've worn and washed them several times already :) I love them.  They fit lovely, in fact they are already beginning to get a little loose. They are quite baggy round the bottom and loser on the waist!


So my next goal. My new white board pens arrived so I've written out my new goal.

I will be wearing my size 14 pear shaped linen trousers on June 18th 2013

They haven't arrived yet but no rush as a little while to go.

I will eat mindfully stopping when full.

I will walk princess barky knickers.

I will do my ttapp basic workout plus 3 times a week

TTapp core cardio twice a week.

I will drink more water.

I have noticed just how confident I have become.  I answer the phone without a thought. I pick up the phone and use it without a thought. I walk tall. I smile alot. I feel fantastic.

I was asked to just pop skype on for a quick chat earlier. In the past just the thought would have freaked me out, but I was fine. Chatted normally and felt fine.

I cannot wipe the smile from my face. I feel so good, so happy and so positive I will achieve my goals. :)

I feel on top of the world. So much is changing. I'm learning new skills and loving it.  In one of Lori's downloads she did she says 'life is for living, and you're living it and loving it' and thats so how I feel!  I feel so in control. I finished my social media course and my mind is buzzing with ideas and thoughts. I learnt so much.

I just feel full of energy and smiles. I can't stop grinning.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

OMG I did it!

OMG I am so excited.!

I set a goal of size 16 jeans for 15th May.

Thought it was time to get a pair to see how far off I was. In a million years I never expected them to fit. In fact I'd been working out how to tweak my goals! They fit!!!

Okay nobody is saying I am a size 16 totally but for me to be wearing a pair of jeans in a size 16 is amazing. I've always had to wear much much bigger sizes on my bottom half due to my shape and jeans simply never fit me right as waist gapes. These fit so lovely. I feel a million dollars in them!! Its an amazing feeling to see a size 16 label on the bottom half after so many years. Its been over 21 years! I am on cloud nine. I feel so happy. I have a happy heart !

They are actually loose already on my hips and waist and bum!!

Size 14 pear shaped jeans here I come!

Friday, 26 April 2013

Old Jackie - New Jackie

I was thinking this morning. What was I like before slimpod? What words would have described 'Old Jackie'  Well meet old Jackie - here she is

What was she like?
Well she didn't accept just how big she was. She refused to buy anything bigger than a 22 so she always wore black stretchy pull on slacks (that were so tight they fitted like leggings) and big baggy tops. You would have thought that the fact there were actually only one pair of size 20 type trousers that fit her would make her realise she wasn't a size 20-22 wouldn't you, but no she lived in denial and wondered why no shops clothes fitted her!!   A month into slimpod she couldn't understand why the size 20 jeans she'd bought didn't fit. She looked up her measurements on various stores to find actually she was in a fact a large size 26 nearer to a 28 squeezing into stretchy size 20-22! So no wonder it took a long time to reach her first goal as she didn't have half a size to drop but several!!!
She had no confidence. Hated going out. Had a huge Jackie book of excuses for any occassion to ensure she didn't have to. Working at home made it easy. She had no energy, was totally allergic to exercise in fact alwas joked with friends that she was allergic to it.  She ate massive portions. She inhaled her food.  She didn't have a full signal she was a binge eater you see. Getting comfort from feeling so full :( She thought of food all day. It was always on her mind. Dieting didn't work for her as the minute a food was banned or had to be synned etc it became irresistable. She weighed at least twice a day. Just incase she'd lost a sneeky pound. Chocolate was her friend. Eating 6 or more bars at a time.  If it was 3 for a £1 she'd buy 6 or 9.... eating them one after the other and hiding the wrappers.  She'd still eat her meals as thats what one did at meal times. She was always eating.  Believed she was destined to be fat forever really as its in her genes isn't it? Big boned. Had 3 kids. You name it.
She hated herself.  She treated herself with food, consoled herself with food, food was everything.  She suffered badly with asthma, out of puff just walking up the stairs, sore skin where it over hung. She was totally unfit.  She was out of puff, no energy to do anything with the kids. I mean getting out of the chair was an effort!  Walking the dog was stand in the park and throw the ball or wander round at snails pace.
She was a stress head. Always wound up.  Always had a short fuse. So negative.  Everything was negative. Nothing was ever right.
Whats new Jackie like?
Shes got a 'real smile'. Shes lost more or less all her chins. Shes now a comfortable size 18 heading for a size 16 for the first time since her eldest was a baby (hes nearly 21)!  Shes got confidence! She exercises regularly.  Shes no longer a dustbin, she can eat when hungry and stop when full. Shes not binged for 14 months now.  She makes healthy choices 90% of the time because she wants to rather than feels she should. No foods are banned.  Most days she doesn't think about food until her tummy rumbles! Yes its remembered what hunger feels like.  It tells her when hungry! She tries new foods each week. She has energy. Shes positive. Shes calm. She exercises regularly.  Shes lost count of how many inches shes lost but her tummy was 58inches its now 43inches. Her waist was about 47 ish its now 38. 
She feels alive. She even likes herself now. She realises its inevitable she'll reach her goal of a size 12/14.  Shes faced many demons head on. Made little changes. Remember each little step soon adds up and makes a bigger one :)
Anything is possible.  There is no failure only feedback.  Anything more than nothing.  Every movement is exercise.    Thinking slimmer becoming slimmer. Nothing needs to be easy just possible.
Her favourite slimpod sayings :)
My journey hasn't been fast but its been life changing. There is no quick fix but there is a permanent one. I can't tell you how glad I am that I never gave up.  I face each issue as it arises. If I can't deal with it on my own I ask for help. I then move on.  Thats what its all about isn't it?  Succeeding.  Moving on. Making lifestyle changes. 
And I have achieved all this simply by listening to slimpod. I do not follow and never ever plan to follow any diet plan :)
So if you feel like giving up think again.  Ask yourself what that was all about... Pick yourself up and dust yourself down and just keep going.  We all have different days. I still do.  But thats what they are different days. I leave them where they belong, in the past, and move on to the next brand new bright sun shiney day :)
I've never felt happier. I've never felt more confident. Yep I get low days but there is always someone there to pick me up, remind me how far I have come, and to show me theres a light at the end of that tunnel.
Believe in yourself and anything is possible !


Tuesday, 16 April 2013

I'm Okay

Gosh 3 blog posts in 3 days! Whats wrong with me. I have blogging itis!!

I'm okay - today is the anniversary of losing my lovely Dad. In the past a real day of sorrow, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling utterly miserable actually.

Today feels more like a day of reflection. A 'thinking' day if that makes sense. Thinking how proud he would be of what I've achieved.  His funny little grin. The way he was always there even though at times that was annoying hehehehehe it was knowing he was always there.  Text or ring him for something and he might moan, but he'd usually do it. Just want to rant to him, he'd listen, probably rolling his eyes and thinking 'doesn't she go on' but he'd listen. Used to ring me first thing every morning to check up on us. Those early morning calls used to drive me crazy, getting kids ready, trying to get dressed and that damm phone would ring. I miss those calls alot not.  Whats that saying 'you don't appreciate what you've got until its gone' how true is that ?

In the past I'd have binged for weeks prior to today. Good excuse really. Feeling emotional, allowed to eat thats right isn't it? I seriously did do this. On the day eat crap all day, as allowed, as feeling miserable. I'd probably have started the day with a couple of packets of crisps and a choccie bar or six.

Whats different?? I am different. I don't need to do this anymore. I can reflect if I want to.  I can eat if I want to. So far today I've had 3 coffees! So I'll be on a high later as I love a large large mug and real coffee first thing. Its my fix for the day! Has to be in my favourite Eeyore mug cos I never grew up. Had this mug for years and love it. Its huge!

this is 'the' mug. Gloomy eeyore. I'm not gloomy but I love eeyore!
So I started writing this earlier this morning. Then the BT man arrived to connect us to Infinity. That word always makes me giggle as I think of 'To Infinity and Beyond'! Buzzlightyear hehehehehe
Its now 12.15pm and I'm only just beginning to get hungry (eek!) Old Jackie would have had snacks galore by now but I find these days the rumbly tummy makes me think 'oh yes I'm hungry' hehehehehe
Oh and before I sign off, this serial scale hopper is no more. They are out in our tiny bathroom all the time. I used to get on them several times a day, I mean a wee could mean they go down half a pound couldn't it! hehehehehe.  I no longer weigh.  I last weighed 1st February. I no longer feel the need to. I have no idea what I weigh but I don't care anymore because I am happy. I am happy in my own shrinking slowly skin :) Remember folks the tortoise always wins. Its not a race. Its not a competition. It really doesn't matter who gets there first. Just remember follow the three golden rules and its simply 'inevitable' you will get there :)
Happy Tuesday xxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 15 April 2013

The next 6 weeks

So I set my next six week goal. Its to get into my size 16 Next jeans.  I might be pushing my luck this time. I've not been a size 16 since I had Matt and hes nearly 21! BUT I am so focussed right now :) I feel amazing. I can feel my shape changing. I can see my shape changing! Normally I look in the mirror and see a pregnant tellytubby, well thats what I used to call myself, but nope not anymore. I really can see whats happening wooohoo!  I will be wearing those jeans!!  A month today :)

So how will I achieve this? Pretty much the same as last time really.

Walk Carla each day at lunchtime - a nice brisk walk - she likes fast walking does Carla hehehehehe

Continue my mindful eating

Continue my TTapp every other day

Do my easy Mummy tummy breathing exercises (yes I know my youngest is 9 but I still have a terrible mummy tummy)

Wear my size 18 Joe Browns top (the one I got into for end of March) and actually feel good in it - I achieved that this weekend. It fits lovely, its clingy, but I love it and most of all I feel amazing in it!

Drink more water

Do more with the kids

I feel so confident these days.  I had zero confidence. The confidence pod has worked wonders on me. I still get apprehensive over things but I do them, I don't look up the jackie book of excuses and back out. I do it!   I feel good in my own skin for the first time in years.  I like me!

I made soda bread at the weekend. Healthy bread. Its yummy.  I wasn't hungry last night and we were having a snacky tea and I fancied soup and soda bread.  I actually had to leave some bread and the slices were small!  I only had 2 of them. Old jackie would have had at least 4 that size. But my full signal kicked in.  OMG its strong these days. I hear it instantly.

People that haven't seen me for ages ask what diet I am on lol.  What plan am I following? I'm not. I never diet anymore. I don't eat diet food either. I eat exactly what I fancy and stop when I'm full. Yes thats right - exactly what I fancy. :)

My cravings for rubbish have pretty much gone now. I have days I have to have chocolate so I simply have it. I might have a day when OMG that hot cross bun is calling me and I'll have it. BUT I don't then eat lunch just because its lunchtime, tea just because its teatime.  I only eat when hungry. Yes I sit down with the others to meals. Most of the time I eat what they do too. If I don't fancy it, I have what I do fancy. No diet yoghurts OMG I used to live on muller lights just because they were free on slimming world. No weighing anything. No thinking 'mmm how many syns' or OMG I ate a hot cross bun my diet is over! I can eat that hot cross bun guilt free. I never beat myself up about food. I just eat it. Thats what food should be all about. Not a emotional tool just food.

I used to use food for

consoling myself
treating myself
shoving down every emotion you could think of
because I was tired
because I'd been weighed and could binge for two days
just because I could

I no longer have that emotional attachment to food. Its simply fuel and I enjoy it but I know when to stop.

Remember I used to be a binge eater. I used to be an emotional eater. I used to spend my whole day thinking of food. I used to eat food secretly. I grazed all day.  I never shared chocolate I hid it and inhaled it in private.

Friday I shared chocolate with the kids. I gave them 'my' chocolate. It just doesn't have that emotional pull anymore. I still love it but don't have it every day, just sometimes.

I used to spend my life worrying what others thought of me. Would I offend them?  Really I kept out of most peoples way as it was the easy option. Can't be judged then can I?

What a difference 15 months can make :)

When I started I'd have told you I was a size 20 top, 22 bottom.... I looked back at my measurements and I was in fact a size 26 squeezed into very very stretchy size 20/22's :(  No wonder it took me a while to reach my goal of a pair of size 20 jeans thinking I was dropping one size!!!!!  when in fact I was dropping 3 :) I've now dropped 4 dress sizes :)

I feel alive, lifes for living, I'm living it, and I'm loving it, are you?

I am so focused right now and I'm painting the world with pink fluffy positiveness!

My 6 week goal journey

I set myself a six week goal (14th February) to get back into my Next size 18 jeans and my new Joe Browns size 18 top by the end of March. My goal was to wear them both when I chat with Sandra on the 29th March.

The jeans were way too tight on the legs and the top looked like someone had spray painted it on! It was crazily tight!

So how would I achieve this?

The plan of action was 'I will exercise regularly (Walking Carla, TTapp, Treadmill), Listen to my slimpod daily, find my 3 positives. Gradually change what we eat, eating less and less processed foods. To eat mindfully.  Eating mindfully is something thats taken me a long time to master but I've pretty much mastered it.  You eat slowly and savour each mouthful. You only eat. You don't look at the pc, watch the tv, read a book or a magazine you simply eat.  This way you hear that full signal quickly or can practise hearing it. Once you've got the hang of this that full signal is really easy to recognise. Experiment with recipes and try new ingredients.

Who would help me?

My slimpod family, Sandra, Carla (hehehehhe) and mainly me :)

So the world was against me. I actually had a terrible 6 weeks life wise. We had to have the house rewired around us, a new boiler fitted. Life was upside down. Then as if we didn't have enough to cope with my middle son aged 16 who had broken his leg back in October just wasn't healing. He'd been in cast for 5 months. He went for his check up and they decided enough was enough an operation was in order. Normally the stress of all of this, worrying, rushing around would have meant I turned to food. But I didn't!  I was stressed up to the eyeballs. 

I continued to fit in my TTapp every other day (after completing the 14 consecutive days), I walked Carla when I could, and I ate mindfully.

Chris went in for his op and had to stay in much longer than planned which meant added stress, lots of tooing and frowing to hospital to visit and less time at home to plan meals.

I had the most terrible phobia of hospitals. Really bad. Hated even the smell of them, just the thought of visiting or going to one gave me panick attacks and palpitations. How on earth was I going to cope?

I did cope. I was amazed. I visited twice most days, sometimes staying there in between and going to the coffee shop for a coffee before going back to visit, as visiting hours were stupid 3-4 and 6-7. This meant by the time we got home it was time to come back again :(

One of the funniest things was my hubby. We'd be in the coffee shop and he'd have a cake , I sometimes had one, but one day I said I didn't want one. He said 'you don't have an eating disorder now do you? (eek) I mean I love you no matter what size you are you must eat!! Honestly I've never found something so funny in my life!  Me??? An eating disorder, if I had one it would be for eating lots not less!  When we got home he'd eat as 'he'd not had tea' I mean you simply have to have tea don't you?  Well sometimes I wasn't hungry and sometimes I had just a little ie a sweet potato as a jacket potato and salad, that kind of thing. Again the comments that I'm just not eating enough! I simply wasn't hungry and didn't feel I wanted to eat anymore when not hungry!

I eat normally now.  I simply eat when hungry stop when full. I exercise regularly too. In the past I always joked that I was allergic to exercise but actually it was simply finding an exercise that suited my lifestyle. I've found that now - TTapp and walking. I love both. :)

So did I reach that target? Oh yes I did! I think I was just so focused and determined! and I've set myself similar goals for the 15th May (but that will be another blog post - to get into my size 16 Next jeans)

I feel amazing. I feel so calm, happy, smilie, confident. Believe = Achieve. You simply have to believe in yourself and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Watch out World here I come!

Not a brilliant photo but heres me in my size 18 outfit.  The top is even looser now, in fact I'm wearing it today :) in the past stripes going round were a no no. OMG I'd have looked like one of the Fimbles :)  My mojo is well and truely back and I'm just so happy!

Saturday, 23 March 2013

stressful few weeks and not put any weight on

Well I've had a very stressful few weeks. Chris's leg didn't heal after 5 months in cast so he went in on Wednesday to have a rod and pins in it. It was a real shock to us all just how big an operation it was and how much pain hes been in since bless him.

I am astounded as from my side so many positives

1)  I have remained pretty calm
2) I've been able to chat calmly to him when hes distressed
3) I have a real hospital phobia, can't stand the places or the smell of them yet I've been in twice a day and been totally fine, no panicks, no nothing just been going there to see him
4) I've not emotionally eaten. In fact I've found I've simply eaten what I fancied when hungry and stopped when I'm full. I've been offered food from all angles and turned it down. In fact hubby made a passing comment about me turning aneorexic yesterday as he noticed I wasn't eating that much! hehehehe me, as if!! He can't get the concept that if full and satisfied I simply don't want something even if its something I love
5) I measured after 2 months of regular TTapp. I did the 14 consecutive days and i've stuck with every other day religiously ever since. I've actually lost 17 3/4 inches from where I measure. I also know I've lost more than that ie neck, round the middle, places I don't measure :) I love TTapp as much as I love my slimpods :) now thats saying something
6) Even on my difficult days I've found positives and each time I look back I find more and more I didn't notice, or others point out to me
7) I've not used this stress etc to stop me doing the exercise. In the past exercise was the first thing I'd stop!
8) I've not been a choccie or crisp monster, in fact this week i've not really thought about food in that way. I've just thought 'mmmm I'm hungry what do I fancy' and had that. Simples!
9) I had sweet potato as a jacket potato the other evening. OMG loved it. So simple yet so yummy
10) I've been having a 40 min brisk walk with Carla most lunchtimes
11)I am wearing a top today that was so tight at Christmas I cried :) today it fits nicely :)

I have my days where I feel the old Jackie tries to come back. I have days when I wonder why I did something or why did I have to eat 3 packets of crisps. But you know they really are just 'different days' I'm not bingeing, far from it, in fact I eat so much less but I have hungrier pickier days, thats fine, its actually 'normal'. :)

I've lost all those inches and my weight has remained the same!  Hysterical really! I find the scales a bit of joke these days. Yet OMG I used to be obsessed with them.  They are no longer a tool I require. They are pretty useless. As something is happening. I don't binge. I don't graze all day. I am no longer a chocoholic. I'm healthier. I'm happier. I have confidence again. I exercise ! Slowly all those awful ingrained habits are going one by one. They are all habits. Some just take longer to break than others.

I've faced alot of demons really this last 15 months. I still have a few to face but will slowly deal with them.  I had a pretty bad day on Tuesday. Someone mentioned a 5k race. Can walk it. Was I going? I fell apart! How crazy is that? Well my mind made a match back to a 5k race I signed up for a few years ago to make my Dad proud. He'd died a couple of years before (been 8 years at easter).  I had panick attacks and had to pull out. I was gutted. I knew I wasn't ready to do it, but backing out had it price to pay. I felt a failure again. I'd let my Dad down. I'd let alot of people down. Over the years I buried that deep, but talking about it let the flood gates open, big time. I sobbed my heart out.  But actually I feel better for it now. I needed to let go of it. I'd held onto it for years and it was silly really looking back. Why would he not be proud of me. Look what I've achieved the last few months?

I think sometimes I read into 'different days' too much. I panick incase old Jackie is back. Incase i'm letting old habits come back, but I don't think I am. I think everyone has different days. They just don't dwell on them and let them rule the next few days. They just accept and move on. This is something that I can do most of the time, but guess get caught out occassionally.

This week I do truely believe diet head has gone :) Yes I am still overweight. Yes my BMI is still too high!   But I am happier, healthier, more confident than i've been in years and it will just continue to slowly improve.  The tortoise always wins.  Those that rush to that finish line so often ping back again.  When I cross that finish line I'll know, and I'll be staying there :D

I've not dieted at all with the slimpods. It doesn't work for me. I don't want to ban a food. I don't want to restrict myself. When I started podding I told myself I'd never diet again and I won't. I have to accept that by making that decision I'm not going to drop weight fast, but this for me is a lifestyle change. This is how I want to live the rest of my life. Not a fad. :)

Thats why I am doing exercise I like. Exercise I am comfy with. Exercise that fits in with my lifestyle. TTapp does that. Walking does that. In fact TTapp has strengthened my back, more core, my neck and my posture OMG its amazing. I naturally walk straight (ie no duck feet!) and walk tall. No hunched shoulders. This has had such an amazing impact on me. No backache. No neckache. Less headaches. You name it :) I love the fact no leaping around. Easy to do at home, yet it works every muscle.  The inches drop off and all I need to do is find 15 mins to do it. I feel more alert too. They call it the mind body workout and it is :)  I always remember when I paid out for the TTapp DVD I thought 'is this another gimick that I won't do' at first it was. But since starting it properly 21st January I love it.  I love how it makes me feel afterwards and I love my shape changing.

Fed up of binge eating? Fed up of failing at diets? Then this is the answer :) Its given me back so much. I feel alive again I really do.  I've stuck with it through the tough times, and I'm sure I'll have a few more, but I'm not giving in, as these pods work. They change ingrained habits, but you have to give them the chance to :)

Thursday, 14 March 2013

The Chocolate Pod

Does it work? OH YES!!

2 years ago I was a chocoholic. I was terrible. Usually Cadburys with the odd Galaxy bar thrown in !

I swear I kept Cadburys afloat!

2 Easters ago I was doing the usual.  Buy about 15-20 eggs. All Cadburys of course , with the excuse I never buy cheap chocolate, when really its the only chocolate I liked!  I would sit down to work and devour one or two eggs. I'd then flat pack the boxes and chop up the plastic packaging if there was any and hide it.  In my drawers, under the bed, in jiffy bags in the office . I'd then dispose of them on dustbin collection day so nobody knew and replace the eggs. I was terrible. It really was an addiction. If I went into the newsagent I'd buy several bars, hiding them in my desk , eating them in secret, never sharing them, again disposing of the evidence secretly.

Last Easter I bought the usual heap of eggs. I didn't have any at all. I think I had one over Easter week that was bought for me :D

This Easter I bought 16 eggs over 4 weeks ago. They are all still sat there, I've not had any and they don't call my name. I see them every day. They are in my sight :)

I don't hate chocolate.  I still like it sometimes. When I fancy it I have it. I also share it :) I no longer hide the packaging as often its not me that has that last one :)

I can go in the newsagents and buy no chocolate even if I wander up and down that isle. Its got no pull anymore unless I just happen to fancy some.

still feel fab!

Still feeling fab :) Had a sleepless night the night before last. In the past that meant a binge. Yesterday I was picky but it wasn't picky for the sake of eating it was picky eating when hungry things like a bananna, pretzels, a bacon chiabatta for tea. Lazy food but only eaten when hungry and stopping when full! Yes thats right, normal eating!

It still feels strange to eat normally without giving it a thought. My eating over the last 30 years has been dire and its totally changed.

I am still trying new foods and today had avocado for the first time. Well actually I tried it years ago but had decided prior to eating it that I wouldn't like it and didn't hehehehehe. today I mushed it with some lime juice, spread it on seeded toast (one slice rather than the old 3 or 4 slices (eek!) ) and topped it with cherry tomatoes and crispy bacon!  It wasn't the easiest thing to eat but it was filling and yummy! The dog sat and waited for the bits of bacon to drop on the floor!

Today was a day off TTapp as doing it every other day but with Charlie home ill i'm not getting my fresh air and brisk walk at lunchtimes so I was itching to exercise ! yes thats right, I was itching to exercise (eek again!) so I did my TTapp step away the inches which is 2 miles and did 100% of it and enjoyed it and feel better for it :)

Something has definately changed. No obessing, no worrying what I should and shouldn't have, I have confidence, I feel positives, I feel in control, I feel calm when I have so much negative stuff going on in my life at the moment. In the past this would have been my ticket to bingeing and stress.  This time I take each negative and find its positive. A negative can only remain a negative for so long once you start to analyise each negative you soon find a positive for it :)

I had the confidence yesterday to ring the hospital about Chris's pending operation and in fact had to ring lots of departments until I got the right person.  Old Jackie would have hated this and got tongue tied or given up at the first voice mail :) new Jackie just dealt with it easily and confidently. In fact I never gave it a thought until I looked back at my day :)

I have been reading a lovely blog.  http://deliciouslyella.com/  Old Jackie would never have looked at blogs like this as all fresh healthy recipes. But Ella's recipes are amazing :) I can't wait to make her sweet potato brownies.  I love trawling through the recipes getting new ideas and trying out the new foods.  Its amazing how changing your diet can help so many illnesses. One of my current ways of thinking is cutting out more and more processed foods. We've cut out loads already but I continue to try new foods and ideas.