I'm okay - today is the anniversary of losing my lovely Dad. In the past a real day of sorrow, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling utterly miserable actually.
Today feels more like a day of reflection. A 'thinking' day if that makes sense. Thinking how proud he would be of what I've achieved. His funny little grin. The way he was always there even though at times that was annoying hehehehehe it was knowing he was always there. Text or ring him for something and he might moan, but he'd usually do it. Just want to rant to him, he'd listen, probably rolling his eyes and thinking 'doesn't she go on' but he'd listen. Used to ring me first thing every morning to check up on us. Those early morning calls used to drive me crazy, getting kids ready, trying to get dressed and that damm phone would ring. I miss those calls alot not. Whats that saying 'you don't appreciate what you've got until its gone' how true is that ?
In the past I'd have binged for weeks prior to today. Good excuse really. Feeling emotional, allowed to eat thats right isn't it? I seriously did do this. On the day eat crap all day, as allowed, as feeling miserable. I'd probably have started the day with a couple of packets of crisps and a choccie bar or six.
Whats different?? I am different. I don't need to do this anymore. I can reflect if I want to. I can eat if I want to. So far today I've had 3 coffees! So I'll be on a high later as I love a large large mug and real coffee first thing. Its my fix for the day! Has to be in my favourite Eeyore mug cos I never grew up. Had this mug for years and love it. Its huge!
this is 'the' mug. Gloomy eeyore. I'm not gloomy but I love eeyore!
So I started writing this earlier this morning. Then the BT man arrived to connect us to Infinity. That word always makes me giggle as I think of 'To Infinity and Beyond'! Buzzlightyear hehehehehe
Its now 12.15pm and I'm only just beginning to get hungry (eek!) Old Jackie would have had snacks galore by now but I find these days the rumbly tummy makes me think 'oh yes I'm hungry' hehehehehe
Oh and before I sign off, this serial scale hopper is no more. They are out in our tiny bathroom all the time. I used to get on them several times a day, I mean a wee could mean they go down half a pound couldn't it! hehehehehe. I no longer weigh. I last weighed 1st February. I no longer feel the need to. I have no idea what I weigh but I don't care anymore because I am happy. I am happy in my own shrinking slowly skin :) Remember folks the tortoise always wins. Its not a race. Its not a competition. It really doesn't matter who gets there first. Just remember follow the three golden rules and its simply 'inevitable' you will get there :)
Happy Tuesday xxxxxxxxxx
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