I found these at the weekend. They were as I was heading towards my biggest. Weight unknown.I think I look shy, awkward especially in the 2nd one. I couldn't smile for the camera. I hated photos big time. I was a hermit. I hated going out. I took Charlie to school and scarpered home shut the door quickly and felt 'safe'. Exercise was a swear word. I was allergic to it. Any form of it. I made any excuse not to walk princess barky knickers and it didn't help that she and I were scared of most things.

I wore size 22 pull on wide leg trousers. I told everyone I was a size 20-22. I couldn't understand why so little fitted of course. so I lived in these same black trousers which were tight on me like leggings when they should be like slacks/trousers, lose not fitted and tshirts or big tunics which stretched across all the wobbles and rolls So when I started slimpodding. I wanted to be a comfortable size 20. Easy, only a size and a bit to go. It was at this point I realised I hadn't been a size 20/22. Nothing in a size 20 anywhere near fitted me other than these wide legged trousers as leggings

So I looked at my measurements from around this time over the weekend and compared them to sizing charts. I was in fact a size 26-28 squeezed into a size 20-22.   So when I tried to drop a dress size I was in fact really dropping 3-4 sizes

I can now officially tell you I am a size 18. A real size 18 as pretty much all size 18's fit me and some size 16's I kidded myself for years. Would never buy anything above a size 22. if it didn't stretch round me I didn't have it, hence I actually had very little other than a few tshirts, the same littlewoods pull on trousers and a mens xxxxl regatta rain coat and the arms were twice as long as I needed them to get it to do up around me.

I was a negative person. Most unhappy. Most unhealthy. No confidence. IBS. Hated going anywhere. Got tongue tied talking to people and always messed it up so consequently didnt bother. I hated the phone. OMG i'd do anything and go to such lengths not to use it. Thank goodness for email sad really but that was me. I would say I was suffering depression too but would never have admitted it to anyone.

So I did slimming world for a bout a year and lost a couple of stone. Was I happy no not really it didn't change anything really I was still bingeing, grazing and falling into food all the time. I had that awful diet cycle. weigh day always meant eat as little as possible to weigh as little as possible. Do a wee a million times and take the lowest weight. Soon as weighed it was treat day. Eat whatever I wanted, a treat, it was weigh day. Next day it would continue and possibly the next, then i'd wake up around day 3 omg weigh day in 4 days how can I pull it back ? what can I do? OMG why did I do this every week ? Well I wanted to be slim didnt I? In my eyes if I was slim I'd be happy, I'd be confident, everything would be okay.

Then I found the pods. Read the reviews. Had to try them. I wanted a magic wand

They arrived one Saturday morning. I couldn't wait for the men to go to football so I could listen. I clearly remember that day. So they left and I listened. I was so disappointed. This 10 minute track was going to change my life yeah right

But I'd spent money on them I had to try so I continued to listen. I was a chocoholic too. OMG I could eat choccie till it came out of my ears. Feel sick stop and carry on later

Gradually things changed. I began to feel happier. I began to leave food on my plate, not all the time but yes I did leave it.

You know the rest really. But were they the magic wand I was looking for?? Yes they were but not quite in the manner I wanted them to be. I assumed it would all just drop off me and i'd be this happy size 10 confident woman.

What happened? Well you know that story but what I'm trying to say is I am a size 16-18. I am happy. I am calm (most of the time) I was a stress head. a fisherwoman. ask my kids , I am positive, I am confident, I no longer suffer daily with IBS, I can go swimming, I have faith in me, I can drive again abit at a time, I am no longer a chocoholic, I no longer binge daily, I no longer weigh 10 times a day, I can talk to strangers, I can use the phone, the list goes on and on just like me I got that magic wand really didn't I? I got all the things I wanted plus more and I'm no where near a size 10 Being skinny simply wasn't the answer I needed to deal with my head, sort out my terrible relationship with food I have pretty much done that. Its taken me a year at the end of October.

Do you know what I'd happily trade it. I'd stay this size forever keep my slimpods and all they've given me and give up being skinny. I started this journey with one thing in mind to be skinny and I'd give that up now why?? am I a nutter ?? (dont answer that one please) no I'm not a nutter I am just happy. I have confidence. I also know I will reach my goals. I will be happy at size 14 skinny no longer matters. Theres far more to it than that

In these piccies theres a big difference - I have a 'real' smile