Sunday 10 June 2012

feel abit like a butterfly emerging!

So 3 years ago this was me

What was I like??  A hermit!  I hid away as much as possible. Avoided people as much as possible. Avoided phone calls as much as possible. I became so clever at avoiding I don't even think my family realised how bad I was :( I hated going out. I hated attending any events and often made excuses and didn't go. I had zero confidence. I was terribly negative. I didn't sleep well. Food was my comfort, food was my treat,  I turned to it for everything. I hated driving. I lived in black pull up stretchy trousers and tshirts.  We even got a puppy - Carla - aka princess barky knickers. I thought it would make me get out walking etc it did to a point but I made excuses as much as possible and Carla was scared of people, scared of everything, but then so was I??

So I started slimming world at home with help of my amazing online group of friends on Minimins this was me weighting in at 17 stone 10 on day one


In my head if I lost the weight I'd find me again. I'd be confident I'd be happy.  Was that really going to happen? I doubt it, but I think many of us think it will miraculously happen as we lose the weight and I am sure to a point it would.  So I struggled and struggled, fell off plan constantly as I'd be good, then binge, etc etc.  My week would be like many others on a diet  weigh day, starve as then you weigh less on the scales don't you?  get weighed. If I gained - console myself with food, if I lost well you have a treat don't you? with food as thats what I did. Then the following day its hard to get back on plan so more food and treats and possibly the next day... then the following day I'd wake up OMG what was I doing, weigh day in four days, how can I pull it back, how can I lose this week?? so then syn free food and obsessing with what I ate until weigh day and then this awful cycle would start again. Those blasted scales ruled my life :( I lived by that number on the scales. Let them decide on my mood for the day, the week, they are evil. One little number had control over everything :( How sad is that?

So I then read a thread on minimins where one of my friends was listening to Slimpods.. mmm what are these?? I'd tried hypnosis and it didn't work. I'd tried most diets over the last 20+ years and they didn't work. :( but these caught my eye. I did my research and bought a package.  They arrived one Saturday morning at the end of October. I listened and thought 'how does this work?' Here I am day one of my slimpod journey, thought I looked good in my Joe Browns dress hehehehehehe


So I floundered about until mid January really as I didn't set good goals, I didn't always find my positives and my lovely Father in law passed.  Anyway mid January, January 11th to be precise the lovely Sandra called me. We went through what I was doing, we set some goals, I set some mini goals and off I went again. My first goal was go get into a pair of size 20 Next Jeans by end of February. I achieved this on 10th February


My next goal was to get into size a pair of size 18 Next Jeans by end May. I seriously didn't think I'd do it I struggled and struggled but I kept going, kept doing my mini goals, my exercise, my positives and on the 24th May I tried on those jeans expecting them not to fit but they did!!!! woohoo did I feel good and here I am in them



So I then had a mini goal. I needed to get into the size 18 Debenhams tunic I fell in love with (it was way too tight, ridiculously tight) by 9th June for Gary's sisters 50th birthday party in Cambridge.  Not only that I was to attend this party. This was way out of my comfort zone. An hours journey, a crowd of people many I wouldn't know, a long journey back etc etc..... could I do it.? Well I struggled but looking back think i've had a bit of a bug all week but put it down to anxiety.  I was so worried I'd have to cancel and not go and spent an awful day yesterday with head fights. I felt like I had this tangled mess in my head that I needed to unravel. How could I ? I was a mess.... so I did what I do best these days and went for a walk !  I got back a calmer Jackie.   I sat and thought about it. I wanted to go so I got out my chillpod and power shower and listened on repeat.  I whinged away to my lovely friends and they all supported me and gave me good advise so I got ready took some tablets and did my make up and wore my size 18 Debenhams tunic ! it fitted perfectly! another goal reached.

So how does this Jackie feel??

Well I am a very positive person these days. Yes I have the odd down day, the odd day I can't find positives but do you know something? On those days my friends on my online diary find them for me!! Seriously its never ceased to amaze me the support and friendship this group of people have given me. They seriously are an amazing group of people who I would be lost without and I'm so proud to call each and every one of them friends.  Then of course, there is the amazing, Sandra at Thinking Slimmer.  I can't thank her enough. I never will be able to as she quite simply handed me back my life. Yes I had a lovely little life but shes helped the real Jackie to emerge again, and why? because she cares so much ((Hugs)) to this amazing woman. Then there is Lloyd at Thinking Slimmer, fantastic guy, who even let me test out my phone call skills on him! ie to ring someone I hadn't spoken to before :) hes so supportive too.  Then the group of fellow slimpodders, all of you have helped me, and Dawn, Darin and Becca have listened to me whinge and ask for help many a time but never once complained they've always helped happily and shared their journeys.

I have confidence again with thanks to Sandra :) I am gradually driving again without having to plan the route down to the last detail.  I am no longer a ball of anxiety.  I no longer stay in all the time. I am gradually changing all of that.  I feel happier, I feel slimmer, I am back in control of food, I control food it no longer controls me :) I have the odd blip but even that is funny. I can chose the wrong foods but I have to stop when full! hehehehehehe its hilarious.  Its like the mind wants to self sabbotage but the pods kick in and I stop as soon as full no matter what the food is. Food is no longer on my mind all day. I exercise every day and love it :)  The new Jackie is still emerging but do join my happily in waving goodbye to the old one won't you? shes gone forever......

So my next step??  ditch the scales - I only weigh 5lb less than when I started but I've lost 34.5 inches since 11 January and the photos show the changes. I even have a real smile :)  I now need to find something I love in a size 16 as my next goal at end of August! Yep a size 16!! its been years since I've been an 18 let alone a size 16 so I'm on the lookout as I need to hang it on my wardrobe as everything else that was hung there now fits :)

2 comments:

  1. great post...can really relate to the earlier parts...have just started the slimpod...reading your post has given me the confidence that I can do this!!
    thankyou :)
    Leighanne

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  2. I'm so glad you're happier as well as healthier. Great blog.

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