hmmmm just a very quick ramble as work to do and mustn't procrastinate hehehehehe
I feel i've let go of something big in the last few days. I think in my head I always thought with becoming skinny everything would be perfect? Does that makes sense? ie being a size 12/14 would make me happy, confident, positive etc etc etc the list is endless. Everything revolved around a size/weight?
I let go of that this last week. I accepted that actually that wasn't true. Being slim doesn't make someone confident, happy, positive etc etc. Being slim just makes them slim thats it. I accepted that and let go of my obsession with a size or weight. I've had an amazing week. I feel a different woman? Why? Because I've spent 14 months facing my demons, working hard on 'me' and you know what ? I am feeling amazing! I feel confident. I can hold my head high. I have a real smile. I exercise daily. I eat normally. I feel good inside. Yep I'm still a size 18/20 but I feel fab!
The rest will come. I continue to set myself mini size goals. My latest is to fit into a comfortable size 18 outfit which is hanging up for the end of March. My next goal will be comfortable size 16 outfit for middle-end May. So my mind has a focus and knows what I want, the rest is just about living.
I thought about it alot lately. I set out to be healthier (tick - done - and still tweaking and improving this), I set out to live longer (I am hopefully achieving this), I set out to be normal around food - done
, no bingeing - done, to have some self esteem - done, to smile a real smile - done, To love myself - getting there. To feel fitter - improving daily, work in progress but thats fine, its what its all about.
I am no longer obsessing. By not obsessing = no pink elephant syndrome! The more I obsessed the worse my eating got, it was like a cycle. I was encouraging 'different days' by obssessing over them. My lovely friend Dawn, wrote about pink elephants. This post has really given me food for thought and helped me to move on http://www.thinkitchangeit.com/blog/?p=9 Dawn's blog is well worth a read there are some fab posts on there many of which have really helped me to put life back into perspective. To see it rationally and not just this tunnel vision of losing weight. There are several posts on Dawn's blog that gave me lightbulb moments. I've had a lot of lightbulb moments with discussions with Dawn lately. Also Sandra at Thinking slimmer. Giving me that focus. Never giving up on me. Showing me I am worth it! I can do it! I really can. Neither let me give up. Each time I hit a hurdle they both jumped in and held my hand and showed me there was a way through it. I can never thank people enough for all they have done for me.
It was that realisation that I was actually normal around food. It was fine to eat 3 packets of crisps if I so wanted them, some people size 10 do this sometimes. I wasn't do it daily anymore just sometimes, so thats fine. You know what since that realisation they have no pull
I no longer weigh 3 times a day after each wee just incase I've lost an ounce! I actually no longer weigh
I was obsessed over the scales too. Allowed them to decide my mood for the day . They no longer can as I no longer use them You know what if I could bottle how this realisation has made me feel I'd be rich very rich. Being a size 10, a size 12 doesn't give you any of that, you do. You can feel that way at any size its simply your perception on things. Ingrained habits. I've let go of mine and I'm 500% sure that I will reach my goals. Yes I am calling them goals, I hate goals because in the past I've always failed but you see I can't fail now can I? I've simply set a focus and I'm heading in that direction. Anything is possible. There is no failure only feedback. I really can achieve anything I put my mind to. I have set time scales as guidelines and my mind knows what I want and my mini goals are getting me there as they are imminent. They are meaningful, and I'm in the driving seat . I am in control of food and it really is no longer in control of me OMG its taken me 16 months to reach this point and I've set myself back so many times but not anymore.
I am going to live and enjoy my life. I can't allow weight, food, all that rubbish to take over or I won't be living will I? I'll just be existing allowing food, the scales to determine my life and how I lead it. Thats not for me anymore. I've changed that life and its for the better. I'm living it, loving it, and lifes for living. Losing my Dad so young taught me that. We never know whats round that corner, he didn't forsee it , we didn't but it was gone in the blink of an eye and i'm not spending the rest of mine worrying about a number that someone else in their wisdom decided was the right number for so many people of all different builds! Food for thought isn't it?
By obsessing about losing weight I wasn't losing it. It all just got into this mix up in my head. The pods, my sessions with Hashani, my downloads have given me a new perspective on life. They've helped me to change so much and continue to. I've dropped 4 sizes so far with no diet. No plan, no calorie counting, no points, no syns, and as Trevor would say 'its inevitable I will get there' it really is, I just have to sit back and enjoy my life and let them work their magic in the back ground because I've made those changes I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. It was only looking back and reflecting that showed me the enormity of what I have achieved. How far I have come. Its fantastic!
I feel i've let go of something big in the last few days. I think in my head I always thought with becoming skinny everything would be perfect? Does that makes sense? ie being a size 12/14 would make me happy, confident, positive etc etc etc the list is endless. Everything revolved around a size/weight?
I let go of that this last week. I accepted that actually that wasn't true. Being slim doesn't make someone confident, happy, positive etc etc. Being slim just makes them slim thats it. I accepted that and let go of my obsession with a size or weight. I've had an amazing week. I feel a different woman? Why? Because I've spent 14 months facing my demons, working hard on 'me' and you know what ? I am feeling amazing! I feel confident. I can hold my head high. I have a real smile. I exercise daily. I eat normally. I feel good inside. Yep I'm still a size 18/20 but I feel fab!
The rest will come. I continue to set myself mini size goals. My latest is to fit into a comfortable size 18 outfit which is hanging up for the end of March. My next goal will be comfortable size 16 outfit for middle-end May. So my mind has a focus and knows what I want, the rest is just about living.
I thought about it alot lately. I set out to be healthier (tick - done - and still tweaking and improving this), I set out to live longer (I am hopefully achieving this), I set out to be normal around food - done
, no bingeing - done, to have some self esteem - done, to smile a real smile - done, To love myself - getting there. To feel fitter - improving daily, work in progress but thats fine, its what its all about.I am no longer obsessing. By not obsessing = no pink elephant syndrome! The more I obsessed the worse my eating got, it was like a cycle. I was encouraging 'different days' by obssessing over them. My lovely friend Dawn, wrote about pink elephants. This post has really given me food for thought and helped me to move on http://www.thinkitchangeit.com/blog/?p=9 Dawn's blog is well worth a read there are some fab posts on there many of which have really helped me to put life back into perspective. To see it rationally and not just this tunnel vision of losing weight. There are several posts on Dawn's blog that gave me lightbulb moments. I've had a lot of lightbulb moments with discussions with Dawn lately. Also Sandra at Thinking slimmer. Giving me that focus. Never giving up on me. Showing me I am worth it! I can do it! I really can. Neither let me give up. Each time I hit a hurdle they both jumped in and held my hand and showed me there was a way through it. I can never thank people enough for all they have done for me.
It was that realisation that I was actually normal around food. It was fine to eat 3 packets of crisps if I so wanted them, some people size 10 do this sometimes. I wasn't do it daily anymore just sometimes, so thats fine. You know what since that realisation they have no pull
I no longer weigh 3 times a day after each wee just incase I've lost an ounce! I actually no longer weigh
I was obsessed over the scales too. Allowed them to decide my mood for the day . They no longer can as I no longer use them You know what if I could bottle how this realisation has made me feel I'd be rich very rich. Being a size 10, a size 12 doesn't give you any of that, you do. You can feel that way at any size its simply your perception on things. Ingrained habits. I've let go of mine and I'm 500% sure that I will reach my goals. Yes I am calling them goals, I hate goals because in the past I've always failed but you see I can't fail now can I? I've simply set a focus and I'm heading in that direction. Anything is possible. There is no failure only feedback. I really can achieve anything I put my mind to. I have set time scales as guidelines and my mind knows what I want and my mini goals are getting me there as they are imminent. They are meaningful, and I'm in the driving seat . I am in control of food and it really is no longer in control of me OMG its taken me 16 months to reach this point and I've set myself back so many times but not anymore.I am going to live and enjoy my life. I can't allow weight, food, all that rubbish to take over or I won't be living will I? I'll just be existing allowing food, the scales to determine my life and how I lead it. Thats not for me anymore. I've changed that life and its for the better. I'm living it, loving it, and lifes for living. Losing my Dad so young taught me that. We never know whats round that corner, he didn't forsee it , we didn't but it was gone in the blink of an eye and i'm not spending the rest of mine worrying about a number that someone else in their wisdom decided was the right number for so many people of all different builds! Food for thought isn't it?
By obsessing about losing weight I wasn't losing it. It all just got into this mix up in my head. The pods, my sessions with Hashani, my downloads have given me a new perspective on life. They've helped me to change so much and continue to. I've dropped 4 sizes so far with no diet. No plan, no calorie counting, no points, no syns, and as Trevor would say 'its inevitable I will get there' it really is, I just have to sit back and enjoy my life and let them work their magic in the back ground because I've made those changes I just couldn't see the wood for the trees. It was only looking back and reflecting that showed me the enormity of what I have achieved. How far I have come. Its fantastic!
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