One week until Centerparcs!

I am so looking forward to this holiday as so need it.

Things I love in the lead up

I plan to go swimming. I even have two size 18 swimming costumes (eek!) Not one to shove in the case and never use, but two i love and plan to use!!! Huge huge step forward.

I plan to go cycling.  I never take my bike. I usually get out the Jackie book of excuses and use one or two. This year hubby commented about ie me not taking my bike and not going swimming and was shocked that I planned to. :) hehehehehehe

Goal - I am still working on it. I want to achieve it but had a set back. In the lead up I've been having sleeping problems and panicky feelings at night which in turn left me tired, grumpy and struggling. All things that seem to ensure I make bad food choices as feel so zombieish.  The good news is that has now been dealt with :)  I had a problem with sleeping/travelling that went back to aged 18 (OMG!!) it was a total shock as not at all what I expected it to be but its gone!!  I went to Greece aged 18 and the whole thing was abit of a shock to me. So basic, so hot, no key to our room, all sorts, so I struggled to sleep and clock watched. I had totally forgotten this as it was a few years ago hehehehe. Then next holiday was Tunisia and that had its own set of problems and the two together seem to have built up so that going on holiday/travelling/sleeping are all this huge mess.  Its gone!! woohoo!  had two fab nights sleep and I'm feeling so much more relaxed and ready to face the world again.

I even got up early today because I wanted to and its the school holidays so I didn't have to. I'm back to my TTapp basic work out plus. I usually chose step away the inches if I'm honest as its simple and easy but I have chosen the other one!! This is so unlike me but I know it works. It produces longer leaner muscle (yes I will have some muscle rather than all the flab)! and its just 15 mins a day.  Its not easy to master but this time I've picked up happily where I left off and can do 90% of it.  It seems to give my body strength, help my knees and my back pain so really its a good 15 mins spent so I plan to stick to it this time as I was getting lower back trouble and neck trouble again and already I am seeing huge improvements.

So Centerparcs here I come!

size 18 here I come again

I've spent alot of time working on my head.  I gained more than I thought but I've never given up.  I am back to Ttapp as that is what works for me.  I can fit it in, I like it and it melts the inches in just 20 mins a day or less, so that suits me best and walking when I can . I plan to up the walking too.

I have noticed the wee gremlins jumping in trying to ruin it for me as my shape changes. Partly because as I get my waist back and my tummy starts to go down I get this spare shelf around my hips which I hate. I go from all rounded like a telly tubby to lumpy for a while and this is the point I often give in as in my eyes this look is worse than the all rounded one hehehehehe as is between sizes. So that is where I am today, but today I chose to wear a dress (eek!) I do not do dresses. To me I could only ever wear a dress when slim and I've stuck to that for more years that I can count, but today despite the extra shelf and still being and 18/20 I am wearing a dress !!

On Saturday I wore cycle shorts.  Biggie?  Yes it is as I truly believe this is one mammoth step forward for me mentally. Going out in public in something my mind always told me I couldn't do until slim is accepting lifes hurdles and allowing them to be a part of my journey. Its like my mind has finally accepted that it is now inevitable I will be slim.!  To me thats a huge biggie so I am grinning.

So the shelf... I have 2 weeks and one day until Centerparcs, so rather than give in and accept I am this size, I chose to pop it up a notch with the exercise today and do the Basic Workout Plus. Now I've not done this for over a year probably nearer two years but I KNOW it works omg I know it works .  Its only 20 mins but omg I sweat lol and 2 years a go when I bought it I could not do 5 mins. I had to build it up section by section over several weeks until I could finally do the whole workout... today I popped it in the dvd player and did the full workout. I knew about it but I had the stamina and the health to do it in one go :) I am so so proud of myself.  I cannot tell you how good it feels so now I need to fit this in once a day until my holiday :) I CAN DO THIS.

I feel I've climbed a huge mountain lately. I've had days where its easier to hit the crisps and chocolate and then I've found myself thinking 'what was that all about'  I could see what I was doing and rather than give into the gremlins I've squished them each time. As with all gremlins the more I squished the more they came back and i've had quite a rollercoaster of a fortnight but I do feel they are going now and that will help my tummy go down more as crisps and bread bloat me and my stomach was alot flatter prior to the gremlin fortnight. This time I've fought them and won. I've accepted them as hurdles I must jump over rather than walk around.  This time I'm going for goal  :)  Its a very empowering feeling. Old Jackie would never have upped the exercise a notch to deal with 'the shelf' she'd have given into the gremlins as it was easier. I won't give into them as I've reached a time in my journey where I must deal with them and accept its a part of years and years of what I did just trying to squeeze back into my life. Its my choice if I let them isn't it? It's down to me?  Well I've chosen not to let them this time.

So here is todays piccie. Not a pretty sight but I'm a work in progress and I'm wearing a fitted dress despite not liking my figure or the 'shelf' that always appears as I begin to exercise.  But then look at the last photo.... THE REAL SMILE :) because I KNOW I CAN DO IT :)

The moral of this story is acceptance and never giving in, for me acceptance has been the harder one.

its nearly Easter Again!

Yet another long gap between blogs I am sorry.  I've been sorting my head out with the lovely Sandra. We finally got to the bottom of it.  My turning to food for everything went right back to when I was a very little girl.  Its been quite an experience but finally we have got to the bottom of what was going on in my head.

Food was comfort. Not fuel. Not something I ate because hungry it made me feel better. So food has played an enormous part in my life for over 40 years!!

So suddenly all that had gone (eek!) It felt like someone had emptied my head and zapppp! thats it... it was the most weird feeling I've ever experienced. I celebrated with some chocolate biscuits, but as I was eating them it was like 'What's this all about I'm not hungry'! oooooerrr - going to the biscuits was simply a knee jerk reaction.

I've spent years with food as my best friend. Suddenly its like I'm Jackie no mates. Food isn't my friend. Its fuel.  The last few days have been an eye opener. Often not hungry until lunch. Opening the fridge making something healthy, leaving some on my plate and the same at tea time.  I've not had 100% healthy at every meal but I am eating a lot lot less. The pull just isn't there. Its just food.

In this past week or so the difference has been astounding. No chocolate. No biscuits. No crisps. That 'feeling' has gone.

Easter - whats the big deal. A couple of things really. In the past I'd be depressed in the lead up to Easter in quite a big way. My Dad died just after Easter 9 years ago this year. Very suddenly. Out like a light. He had just turned 60 :( My world fell apart and my eating and feelings just spiralled out of control. It was an awful time.

Food made me feel better. Food gave me comfort. Food gave me the love I wanted.

So normally from March till just after 16th April (anniversary of his passing) I'd eat rubbish constantly as it made me feel better. Or I believed it did.

I used to buy Cadbury Easter Eggs because 'they were on offer' ready for Easter. I'd then eat one or two a day, hide the evidence in drawers, jiffy bags, tucked under shelves, to dispose of when everyone was at work or school.  I'd then replace the Easter eggs. I would get through loads and nobody ever knew what I did. I'd do the same with chocolate and crisps. Hiding the evidence in my work drawers as work at home, sellotaping chocolate wrappers up in envelopes so nobody could see what was in them and bin them :( Awful.

I bought my Easter Eggs today and we are right into April.  I took them all and hid them in my wardrobe for the Easter Bunny. Charlie is 10 and believes there is an Easter bunny and reminded me he will be bringing her eggs and presents soon ! eek! realisation easter bunny has no eggs yet! So I did a quick Asda shop and they came today. Do remind me he also needs a present or two :) I'll forget you see.

My wardrobe is full of cadburys. I'm not tempted.  Its like someone has flicked this switch. I am free. Free from the food demons I've fought for 40 years.

Just under two weeks ago I found a  pair of old work trousers I used to wear. Size 18. I decided that would be my next goal.  No ' I will be a size 18' by a date. I am just going to find one item at a time, when I can wear it, goal reached.  When I can wear it find the next one.  So I tried them on about 10 days ago. OMG couldn't pull them up my thighs, only a bit.  Yesterday they fell out my wardrobe so thought I'd try again. I can pull them up but a few inches of belly needs to go before I can do them up but massive difference in 10 days! I am really quite excited now.

The pair of jeans I got back into a few weeks ago are now baggier, quite lose in places.

My eating has totally changed. I just eat what I fancy which is often extremely healthy foods, not always, and stop when full. Others sit and eat cake, biccies choccies and if not hungry it has no pull anymore. Its like a new world to me. I am finally letting the Slimpods do their job as there is no longer an emotional attachment to food. At first it felt like I'd lost my best friend as I didn't know what to do with myself :( I felt quite lost but now it feels absolutely blooming amazing and I am so excited what the rest of the year holds for me :)

Podding on and changes are happening

Its been up and down lately BUT I am noticing lots of changes that are really amazing. I have had like little head fights, where I'm thinking mmmm fancy crisps, voice in my head 'you don't need them' me, mute that voice, eat them. Its been quite comical looking back as a high percentage of the time I've listened to the voice and moved on. Occassionally I've muted it and eaten ie the crisps but realised afterwards a) why I ate them b) I didn't enjoy or taste them. Interesting.

All my life I've turned to food for everything. But main one to 'make me feel better'. Of course, this can mean stress, upset, ill, anger all sorts of things, so life really did revolve around food.

I have been eating better without really thinking about it 'most' of the time. I'm not snacking like I was, and yesterday was an interesting day.

I felt stressed, migrainy and tearful. BUT not once did I turn to food. In fact I even mentioned I'd looked at the box of creme eggs i'd bought puposely to eat and hide the evidence (yesterday in a small shop) and said 'they won't make me feel better' I then proceeded to put them on the kitchen top for the family to eat :eek!!!: Yes I put them out. Knowing that meant if I had one, two, three etc everyone would know. They are still sat there under my nose and they are not calling me. I was even offered one last night when they all had one and I asked for a yoghurt!

I also noticed when hormonal last week all I wanted was chocolate. Each time I had it its all I craved each day. What I'm trying to say is when I eat rubbish all I do is crave more rubbish when I don't keep eating it I can take or leave it happily!

These are all big changes for me :)

I've been doing MUTU core 1 each day when I can. I know it should be every day but I am doing what I can manage to fit it and enjoying which to me is more important.

I have also take princess barky knickers one two one hour walks this week. We were both shattered after each but think its fair to say we both enjoyed it and will be doing this regularly again.

My stomach is already going down and I'm generally beginning to feel better again and have more energy.

Today I wasn't hungry until just now. I found myself making a side salad (unreal!) a sweet potato as a jacket potato, a teeny piece of brie and some grapes.!  Jacket potatoes were always white ones with butter and loads of grated cheese and quiche. I mean thats a treat. I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch and didn't feel I was missing anything as its what I fancied.

I have a main goal of wearing my size 16 John Lewis knitted dress end in April to a wedding evening reception. That might be pushing it if I'm honest but hey a girl has to set her sights high doesn't she!! Watch this space. Can I do it ?? I'll certainly try my best x

edited to add, changes continue :) I feel I have more energy, I feel happier. Tonight I am making spaghetti bolognese which I love.  Apparently I fancy tonnes of roasted veggies with a little cous cous??? Where has Jackie gone?? I mean stand a peel loads of veg?? choose it over a favourite meal???

I'm back!

I've felt really blurgh lately and I know its because I've got lazier and lazier. Mainly because I've been so busy and then using that as an excuse not to walk, not to exercise and then it set in.... so today i'm back.

I've found I don't sleep well when lazy. I was awake for 3 hours and in the night again and felt like a zombie when I got up and looked like one too.

a few weeks ago I started MUTU. I loved it even though I am so unfit at the moment but I moved on to the intensive workout too quickly for me and I hurt myself. Totally my fault and lesson learnt. So today I got out the DVD again and did core phase 1. Despite being lazy I found that easier still than the first time I did it so thats a plus isn't it ? :) I then decided to pop my Lesley Sansome DVD on and enjoyed a one mile boosted walk. I wanted to try two but think this time I am going to be sensible and listen to my lazy body hehehehe so I don't have an excuse not to carry on. So one boosted mile done too and I feel so much better for it. Tired but better :)  I now need to move some furniture and hoover before the Virgin Media man comes to swap our internet over.  First step in moving away from 20 years of copyright... scarey? no exciting !!!  Then I can have the old BT line and internet removed next month and move on !! woohoo!! I cannot wait. I need rid of it all. New start :)

So today is my new start. :) I've never stopped podding I just stopped believing in myself for a while and then it became a downhill spiral and I kept clambering out of and falling back in. This time I'm staying up :) I can do it.

It became a cycle of drop a size and shove it back on fast. Like being scared of being slim and to a point I was. My head was so mixed up... Then I noticed the eating 'to feel better' and of course to feel better can be stress, upset, ill, etc etc, so that became a loop too.  I feel I've more or less broken that loop now. its 90% better already so fingers crossed as this is my year! I am determined to stop this cycle and keep going rather than going round and round in the same circle.

I realised way back that for me exercise was key. Yet I'm lazy. Never liked sport at school either.  I think my problem was in my head I was always looking for the 'quick fix' still. Not so much diet but exercise related so rather than going with what I liked I kept trying things I didn't to lose the inches quicker but it was always counterproductive. I didn't put this weight on over night and I cannot expect to wake up a size 10 one day, ie just like that! if I did I'd likely die of shock! So I actually need to make some effort myself.

I do believe we are what we eat. I eat crap well what do I expect to look like? Someone talked of beige food at the weekend.  beige = bad = biscuits, bread, crisps, potatoes, quiche etc etc..... it did get me thinking I do eat stodge, we've fallen back into the takeaway once a week, again lazyness but partly me not wanting to look good.  So now I know what I'm doing I can change it can't I?

One takeaway a week is money we don't have so I need to start thinking of recipes we'll all love, easy to make, but better for us. That won't be hard will it? I mean most things are better for us that a McDonalds or fish and chips :)

Exercise, I hate to admit, makes me feel better. I think in a way for too long 'I didn't want to feel better' I didn't want to be thin.  Yet I set out buying my Slimpod to be thin???? I mean whats wrong with me??  It went back to something big in childhood so now it makes sense why I don't want to look good and its been dealt with, so now I can do this as its not holding me back anymore.  Exercise seems to make me feel better, sleep better, and generally have some energy. So today was day one back on the exercise wagon :) Lets see what exercise I can manage, (sensibly) in March :)

Who is with me?

Back to blogging!

I am going to try and update my blog regularly again :)

I am still slimpodding :) podding on.

Still a size 18 BUT  changing all the time. Slimpods have been life changing for me. Giving me back some confidence  - a work in progress but little steps soon equal far bigger ones.

I am a different woman to the one who found slimpods back in 2012.  So many things have changed in my life.

My little facebook shop LilyRose has grown and continues to grow :) I'd never have  been able to do this 2 years ago :) I had so confidence in my abilities you see yet now I am successfully taking many orders each week for my hand stamped jewellery and dog tags :) I love love love what I do :)

If you want to look at LilyRose is www.facebook.com/giftslilyrose

My Dad would be proud of me. He was the one who always had faith in me :)

I have started MUTU too but struggling this week as kids are off and hubby, so doing bits when I can and more effort next week when they all go back to work and school.  I've been wearing my new barefoot shoes every single day and gone for a walk and find them so comfortable. I love them. It really is like being barefoot. I've always been one to wander around barefoot so I'm not surprised these suit me.

Prior to them breaking up from school I tried the MUTU first intensive workout !! Oh my goodness the next day I found I had achy muscles. Only just recovered. Think it was the squatting exercises that did it... I think I am going to have to do bits of the intensive one at a time until my poor body can cope !! hehehehehehe

It made me realise how unfit I must be. So although its a 12 week programme I am going to take it a little slower than that and build it up :) I do think its really good though and can see how it will work :)

I have peeled off many layers on this journey and really do feel I am now getting somewhere. I smiled today when I made a healthy sandwich at lunch, grabbed a packet of french fries crisps to go with it. At 5pm the crisps were still sat on my desk!! unopened.  I popped them back in the drawer! I didn't need them! Unheard of... a) to eat a sarnie with no crisps b) not to eat the crisps and follow it with at least one more pack c) to put them back !!  I also had a really stressy day and didn't turn to crisps and chocolate, massive massive step forward for me :) woohoo! In the past food was always there 'to make me feel better'. Of course it never did but I tried to none the less.

blog for 21st September I forgot to post!

A few things were said to me today that made me realise just how different my life is since finding slim pods. The first was 'you look shapely' lol, yep my jeans are baggy and I can nearly pull them down without undoing them  The second was 'you are so much calmer and so happy these days'... how true is that. I've stuck at a size 18 for about a year now. Not really gained not really lost and don't we all get despondent when this happens. I read it all the time on here. Not happening, feel despondent, but we are forgetting the changes that are happening, have happened and will continue to happen if we just give the Slimpods a chance.

I was a size 28 hermit. I didn't leave the house. I had zero confidence. I'm now a size 18 and looks years younger, feel years younger, feel alive. I am happier, I am slimmer, I am fitter, I have control over food, I am confident. I've started a little business in mid July making hand stamped jewellery, medical jewellery, dog tags. People love it, I love it. I had the confidence to do this.  I am loving life. I am no longer the stress head of a mother I used to be. I'm the calmest mum on the playground by far. Silly things don't get to me like they used to. I'm no longer wound up like a coil ready to spring. I'm calm and confident and happy.

So when you feel despondent, wonder if its working, ask yourself 'why did I turn to slimpod?' you likely will answer that you wanted something different, no more dieting, no more deprivation, you wanted control back over your eating, you likely like myself wanted to get off that turntable. Do you want to go back to that? I 110% do not. I am happy to take this slowly. Slimpods have changed my life so much and I can never thank anyone enough for what they have done for me. I started this to gain back control and i've achieved that tenfold. I feel amazing. I really am a new woman and i'd rather take this scenic route and enjoy my life that worry about calories, syns or points or starving and bingeing. I've not binged for two years this xmas.  I binged daily before.

I've made some amazing friends and been inspired by some amazing people. 

Waffle over but when you feel abit low, or abit despondent, just remember why you bought your Slimpod, let it work, give it time to work, it really isn't a race and it really will change your life  off to finish my orders  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx