'Nothing needs to be the way its always been'

Well as the title suggests my emotions are all over the place at the moment. To be expected really with all the changes I am making. A few things came to the top to be dealt with since my last session with Lori. well a biggie came to the top. Its a biggie for me anyway. Something its time to face and deal with.  So I've been doing lots of thinking and pondering, and did turn to the biccies for help last night :( regrettably they were no help at all so I made the sensible choice and turned to Lori.

I got back for my 3rd appt on friday and I'm very excited about it. I am amazed just how much we have changed already in just 2 sessions. So session 3 is exciting.

Driving - I've driven a little and each time it felt fine, natural, no stress, no anxiety, no fear so this is fab fab fab. I haven't pushed myself yet though and this is something I am having head fights with. Do I ease myself gently and do it alone? Do I book a couple of refresher lessons so I have someone sat there for support and guidance? Answer = I simply don't know at the moment. I am still pondering. I am drawn to the book  a couple of lessons route just to see how I get on and was even drawn to a driving instructor locally so we will see. Its a case of money at the moment too.

Days out - not doing brilliantly, but will work on this. I wonder at times if its me holding myself back. Afterall I've got to make that first step haven't I?

Tummy - improving all the time :)
Eating was up and down for a few days then settled out amazingly until bicciegate last night. In some ways I am glad I experienced bicciegate as it has brought to the surface that yes I do have an emotional attachment to food still. Not binging. Not constantly. But the little monkey is still there and believe me its going its on my list.! hehehehehe. I've actually had some really fab days food wise other than this. Simply eating when hungry and stopping when full. No snacking. No thoughts of food. So I have moved on alot from the grazing binge eater of the past but want to lay my demons to rest this year and this is still one of them.

Another thing that came up was my fear/hate of swimming. I do think I know what it goes back to but of course I could be wrong as I couldn't have been more wrong with what I thought my fear of driving was.  I am an upfront person so here goes. I think it goes back to swimming as a kid. Mum never took us. We used to go to the open air pool in Rushden in the holidays. An old man there often taught kids to swim and I vaguely remember him shoving me in the deep end to prove I could do it and hearing the sound of the water as my face went under. I hate my face getting wet at swimming. I can't stand going under the water. So this is why I make this link. I could, of course, be wrong :)  I even went for lessons aged 30. I did okay I succeeded in learning to swim a length then stopped. I always thought if I had lessons I would love swimming. I don't I hate it :( I remember the instructor saying, sit on the bottom of the pool. All these ladies did and I stood there. She repeated sit on the bottom of the pool. I said 'no sorry I am 30 not a kid, I do not wish to sit on the bottom of the pool, I hate going under the water, so no' her face! I was black sheep of the group from then on but I didn't want to do it. So I didn't.

Anyone read the book - Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers. Fab book love it and well worth a read. It was reading that book that started off the 'changing my life one step at a time' :) I realised I had many demons and fears and this year I was going to conquer them all :) So that is what I am doing one at a time.

Faith in me - yep I actually have some now, its growing daily, thanks to Lori :) I am beginning to love myself, to have faith in myself and thats something I had very little of in the past.

I sometimes need reminding how far I've come.  I guess thats because I know I still have so far to go, but hey I have great company and great friends to help me on this journey and its quite exciting at times seeing where it takes me.  I get annoyed at times thinking of all the years i've lived with some of my fears and issues to find that actually they can be changed quite simply, in a manner I am confortable with. Did anyone see the Katie Price programme about her awful fear of swimming. I did and loved it. She felt as I do. Cross that something so big to us can be changed so quickly. She faced her fear with Ali Campbell and got in the pool and swam. I had such a grin on my face watching her and my kids were like, why you grinning?? But I felt how fab she felt, because I've felt like that as I conquer each of my fears and issues :)

Confidence - is still increasing daily.

Choccie - I have some once in a while. Its usually one bar every 6 weeks ish. :eek: yep with the help of the choccie pod I've gone from self confessed chocoholic to eating the odd bit if I really fancy it :) woohoo! love it!

Exercise - I exercise most days with just the odd day off. I love my Leslie Sansone walk at home DVDs never be fooled by the word walk. Yep I love the fact that they are low impact ie re my knees but they are a full body workout and how I've lost alot of my baby belly. Still some there but its going. Many inches gone already hehehehehe. I also still do the TTapp step away the inches as love this one for a change :) I also walk the dog :) But remember this was the girl who was allergic to exercise. Any form of exercise. Including walking the dog ! Its now part of my life :)

Bingeing - gone :) I haven't binged since xmas. Biccie gate was nothing in comparison it was a few biccies not a binge. Not even a mini binge :)

Diet - I still do not follow a plan. 99% of the time I chose the healthy option but if I really fancy something I have it. No food is banned :)

Why not make this your year for changes too? Everyone has something they wish they could change. I had a huge list but my list is short now :) I'm on the home stretch :) and whats fab is I a) know I'll get there b) know its where I'll stay :)