I've put things back into perspective :)

I think watching the Dove advert again and doing the exercise with the mirror has helped me a lot. Some friends read that post and pretty much all of them in different ways told me I seriously don't see what they see. :) These friends have known me at my biggest. At my most negative and they see the changes in me far better than I do.

So I am feeling really positive again :)  I seem to have these little blips but they are usually connected to stress or my perception of myself.

Its funny how we see ourselves. How we are so critical of ourselves yet others aren't.  I think alot of the tiny blips I've had are down to years of dieting.  So the slightest set back gets all out of proportion in my head as I feel I'm failing again when I'm not. Its just for that split second I don't see it.

I've tweaked my new goals as I feel inch loss matters more to me at the moment as I am feeling bloated.  The goals needs to mean something to you for it to be really effective, so its tweaked and I plan to use 2 inches off tummy and 1 inch off my waist by 31st July 2013.

What diets works from the inside out? Giving you back that inner confidence, that glow, that loving the skin you're in feeling when not even yet at target?

What diet helps you to put food to the back of your mind? Every diet I've ever followed has made me obsess about the one thing I am trying not to obsess about - food!

What diet helps you to eat normally again? Eat when hungry stop when full? That's what I do now :) I eat normally. I have a healthy relationship with food.

What diet can stop binge eating?  I was a terrible binge eater. I haven't binged for well over a year now. In fact it was a year at Christmas so well over a year.

What diet makes you feel relaxed?

I feel so good inside so now want to reach my ultimate goal of size 14 this year :) I feel my head is in the right place to achieve this so my long term goal is to be wearing a size 14 outfit on Christmas Day 2013.  I have changed so much in my life.  I can now get on with exercising and chibbling away at the inches left :)

I used to be scared to answer the phone to make phone calls. This week i've really noticed this has totally gone. I've spoken to several people recently who I don't know and I've done so confidently. I used to be terrified of skype, I am absolutely fine with it now, it doesn't worry me at all :)

I used to be rubbish at social media I am now loving it, learning it, and living it hehehehehehe. I am still learning and tweaking but I love it and use it properly :)

I am eating with my family. Not buying in special food as on a diet. I love that. I just happily leave food on my plate once I am full :)

Here's to the rest of 2013.  2013 is my year!

New Goals

So I have reset my goals. Set new 6 week goals as I have struggled the last few weeks. Kind of lost my focus abit with all the stress I was under. But I've dusted down, giving myself a talking to and ready to hit those size 14 pear shaped linen trousers. Especially as looks like summer will be late this year hehehehehe

I also have a pair of size 14 pear shaped jeans which will be my goal after my trousers as the trousers are wider legged :)

Goals

1) I will lose 2 inches off my stomach and an inch off my waist by 31st July 2013

How will I do this

1) I will do core cardio once a week

2) Ttapp basic workout plus 3 times a week

3) Walk princess barky knickers 5 times a week

4)  Try new recipes

5) Drink more water

6) Listen to my pods and find 3 positives every day

At a crossroads - how I see myself

Not sure how many people saw the Dove advert but I thought about it a lot today. I had tears in my eyes the first time I watched it and again today. Why? Because I am so harsh about myself.

If you haven't seen it. Do watch it. Its quite an eye opener. I think this is the full ad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

So first off. I need to do this exercise.  I am going to show a photo and describe myself to you. How I honestly see me.

Look in the mirror, What do I see?
This fat frumpy person looking back at me...

She's got a big nose and chunky thighs
Each time she looks she feels sad and she sighs.

She's got a fat belly, and a couple of chins
years of bad eating and counting those syns!

What bought all this on? Why feeling so down?
She got out those scales, got on, then off with a frown ...

Why did she do it? why step on them to see?
She wanted that number to be kinder you see.

A week of feeling fab, clean eating, and more
yet step on the scales and her heart hit the floor.

Why did it matter? her diet head kicked in
and made her feel a failure and fatter not thin!

Yet old Jackie's gone, and new Jackie's here
pass her a tissue to wipe off that tear

She's got confidence, stands tall, is healthier too
Who cares about a number that's staring at you!

Hold that head high, be proud of how far you have come
That number means nothing, scales are just dumb

They don't show the changes, the habits that are gone
the hurdles jumped over, the feeling she's won!

The binges are over, she knows when to stop
the number eventually just has to drop

So why let a number ruin your day
Pop those bleddy scales away!


I see chins, bulges, fat thighs.  I see crows feet. I see a belly that always make me look pregnant.
I feel conscious of what I see.  I want to hide the rolls of fat from others. I want to pretend its not there. Yet I was far far far bigger.

I realised on watching the Dove advert again I don't see what others see.   Its my perception of me. I need to remember how far I have come. The fact I am happier, healthier, fitter, and have that real smile :) What matters more? A number? What others think?  or how I feel?  How I feel wins :) I've never felt better if I'm honest. I exercise regularly. Never over eat. Eat when hungry and stop when I'm full. My body just needs to catch up abit!  I guess at the end of the day I've spent years abusing my body. Feeding it crap. Not moving it. Not doing anything about it other than dieting, dieting and more dieting.  I need to have that word Darin talks of all the time PATIENCE!!!!!






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Girlie Days with Charlie

Charlie loves Girlie Days. I think because it means quality time with Mum but also because Mum spends money (rollseyes)

Saturday was the first one for a while. It meant a walk into town. A wander round Store Twenty One to make it affordable to buy her several bits and pieces. She came out of there with an orange cardi, orange skirt, (neon) eek! dress, rug for her bedroom, new door hook for her room, and I'm sure there were other bits too.

I came out with a new winnie the pooh mug.

We then went into Costa. She loves their double chocolate chip muffins.  so she had one with a coke and I had a coffee and a small lemon tart. Charlie pinched part of that lol.

We wandered to Wilkinsons as her spending spree wasn't over apparently.  We then find they have a free craft table and free face painting, so we queue, and queue. She makes a tissue paper pot she is very proud of and had her face painted.

Shes 9 going on 18! hehehehehe everything becomes a fashion show! as you can see neon cardy (skirt same colour) hehehehehe

Oh and the butterfly lasted until Monday night as she refused to wash, or lay on her side in bed to keep it perfect.

She also 'needed' new art supplies. 'needed' not wanted 'needed' So she came home with a carrier bag full that are all over my lounge floor along with bratz dolls, barbies and general Charlie junk! I am convinced shes Britain's youngest hoarder in the making ! She loves that programme.

Today is apparently girlie day too :) Again this meant a walk to Costa in the rain, a trip to Wilkinsons as she 'needed' more art supplies for her project for my birthday on Sunday!  It looks like I am getting a small Charlie handmade canvas piccie for my office wall as we 'needed' a pack of four blank canvases!

She did try to tell me we 'needed' these sparkly stones that go in the bottom of a fish tank.  ummm we don't have a fish tank! and at £2.99 I passed on that one!

Today she made me laugh so much. We were in the queue in Costa.  Someone picked up a diet coke. She piped up 'Mummy does that lady really think that drink is good for her? dear dear its full of chemicals and quite addictive' OMG I wanted the ground to swallow me up.!  I asked how she knew that and apparently I told her. :)  She then proceeds to read the labels on the drinks and choose a Fanta (don't ask) but apparently the odd glass of 'real fizzy' is better than chemicals and she doesn't drink much of it now as prefers high juice and fizzy water :)  So perhaps I was wrong and Charlie does listen to me sometimes !

Shes apparently going to listen to the confidence pod this week as its the talent show auditions at school next Friday and by listening to the confidence pod a) she will sing just like Katie Perry b) it makes her voice better lol

Oh and apparently slimpods are great. They made her Mummy beautiful hehehehehehe!

Little changes

I had to blog about this. Its a silly thing but it was a realisation last night!

Last night we had a roast dinner.  Love roast dinners but we don't always have them due to time, cost and getting everyone together lol

Well this would have been Old Jackie's roast dinner =

Chicken with skin on (eating extra as I served up) :) one of the perks of the job isn't it? hehehehehe, veggies, tonnes of roast potatoes (I mean I cooked them in olive oil so its healthy isn't it? so pile it high)  a couple of Yorkshires, parsnips, and gravy, and mint sauce and stuffing.  I would be knicking potatoes as I served while nobody was looking so it looked like I was eating less (rollseyes) :( Then I'd have eaten the lot. Saving the best bits for last. I always cleared my plate. Even as a kid. So I'd eat what I wasn't so keen on saving all the goodies till then end. Did this for 44 years :)

So realisation time.  Bearing in mind no diet head. I just slimpod. I don't follow any plan and never plan to -

I served mine last.  I didn't eat anything as I served up.  I pondered for a second. mmmmm what do I fancy?  Yorkshire? - nah seriously don't fancy any today. So I served - lean chicken breast. For some reason I removed the skin (shrugs shoulders) :eek: didn't fancy it! OMG :eek:! Piled on the veggies and roasted parsnips. I say piled on I don't mean a heap just a serving. Potatoes.  Mmmm do I want any... I'll have 3 tiny ones.  Stuffing, mmm yes love that, and a weeny bit of gravy.

I sat down. Realising not overly hungry, so I found myself eating my favourite foods first, veggies and chicken apparently hehehehehehehe. I ate 2 weeny potatoes. That's it.  I left quite abit of my dinner once I was full.  I left potato and parsnip on my plate ???? unheard of. 

I bought cream cakes yesterday. I cannot remember the last time I bought them. My favourites too choux buns with caramel on top. Yum..... but it wasn't yum. Mine sat in the fridge. Simply didn't fancy it and still don't. Good job as Chris ate mine last night. He had two hehehehehehehe.  He asked who's it was first. I said mine.  He said oh that's fine just asking as they were scrummy.  I said have it , seriously ,I don't want it????.......

I love my slimpod because...

Why do you love your slimpod? do you have one?

I was busy looking for that quick fix when I found Slimpods. I'd been dieting for about 25-30 years and was yo yoing up and down. I'd diet lose a stone, fail, binge, and gain that stone and more. It was a vicious cycle really.

Make a video of your own at Animoto.

I was in a vicious cycle of binge for 2-3 days, starve for 3 -4 days leading up to weigh day, weigh, then start the cycle again. I've been slimpodding for about 16 months now and gone from a size 26/28 down to pretty much a size 16. Alot of 16's fit me but not all. But thats good enough for me as I wouldn't have squeezed one leg in before. Slimpods are fab. No willpower required. Just some time and patience. Not even that for many. Just a case of listening and following the 3 golden rules. It really is that simple. Trevor has a lovely voice too and so many find it so relaxing and even comment that they sleep better too :) thats the effect they had for me too. Are you ready to try something that works long term? Buy a slimpod then :) People sometimes say to me its expensive. £29.99... how is that expensive? Its a one off payment. No paying to get weighed and humiliated. No yo yoing anymore. No joining fee. Its simply a one off fee. Best £29.99 I've ever spent. Well a little more than that as I bought the package with the chocolate pod, but still the best value for money weight /size wise i've ever spent. I am slowly shrinking. I am okay with it being slow. I love the fact thats its permanent changes. Its not a race this is a lifestyle. A new happy, confident, positive, healthier, more active lifestyle. What I love most is you do it because you want to rather than feel you have to!! Tell my brain I can't have something and pink elephant jumps in. I want it! Tell my brain it can simply have what it wants when it needs it and I rarely need it. If I do, I have it. Yes thats right, no diet foods in my house. No muller lights, no syn counting, no point counting, no omg I ate a packet of crisps the world will end. I can have just what I want! I have learnt what hungry is :) I know when thirsty rather than hungry :) I hear the full signal so loud I have to stop as I hate feeling full now. It no longer comforts me I hate to feel overfull but to be fair i've not felt over full for months. I can't eat that much ! woohoo! I love the freedom. Its so liberating not to follow a plan, to eat with my family, to want to do my ttapp dvd to want to go for a walk rather than I should do the 30 day shred and kill myself! I love the confidence, the positivity, the fact I feel alive. The fact I am enjoying my life. The fact that I don't look at every label. I just love the skin I'm in, stretch marks and all. I no longer look in the mirror and wish I had the perfect body, I look and see all the changes. I look and see a shape returning. I look and accept me for who I am. I love me again. I am happy with me. I love that inner confidence that shines from the inside out !

Things are changing all the time

Its like new Jackie is emerging all the time. Like I've finally given myself permission to lose the weight! woohoo!

Food really has become fuel. Just food. If you'd told me that a year and a half ago I'd have laughed at you. Food really was everything to me. Its all I thought about from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I grazed all day. Binged most days. Its like I shoved everything down with food.

I ate if bored, ate if stressed, ate if upset, ate if happy. Every emotion you can think of I ate for it. No wonder I got to the size I was.

When I found slimpods I was failing miserably at Slimming World. Just on the verge of giving up. Then I read about the slimpods and loved the idea of no more dieting. I felt i'd tried most diets and failed and each time ended up bigger than when I started and more miserable. So I ordered the slimpods.

I loved them straight away as they made me feel good inside. Something I'd never had before.

I don't think about food until I am hungry or the others ask me to make their lunch etc.  I often refuse food if I don't need it or want it (eek!) I never refused food in the past even if I had just eaten hehehehehe.

Last night made me think.  My eldest went to the shop to get chocolate. Bless him he came back with a big bar of cadburys for me.  Just as he used to months ago.  I popped it on the side as didn't want it.... urmmmmm in the past I'd have devoured that straight away in one sitting.  Its still sat there today. Its not even calling me at all.  I'm not even bothered if someone else eats some or all of it (eek)!  old Jackie would have hidden it . One did not share chocolate! I'd have eaten it all myself secretly and then disposed of the packaging when everyone at work or school.

I couldn't trust myself around food in the past. I didn't have a full signal and think I took comfort from that over stuffed feeling. It made me feel satisfied. Its like I had to ensure I always had enough food, far too much of it too, we threw so much food away. I no longer worry like this I mean hunger is not an emergency is it? Theres always plenty of food in the house but yes its possible just possible we might run out of something. Mine lot are finding this hard to accept. hehehehehehe

I love the look of fresh fruit and veggies. I love those bright enticing colours. Yet in the past I bet I didn't have one a day let alone 5! I'd tell you I didn't like them. But I realise that's just not true. My tastes have changed so much.

We went to Waitrose and Gary got me some chocolate cake with my coffee. I was hungry so I had some but I didn't really enjoy it as too sweet and rich.  I even left half of my coffee as felt full. Its funny how I have changed.  He still looks at me gone out. Whats the point in leaving a small bit of cake and half a coffee! Just finish it! But I don't want to anymore. I am no longer a dustbin.

My shape has changed beyond recognition. My size 16 jeans are getting lose already. So I am washing and wearing them before they no longer fit. They are pear shaped ones but that's my shape. I suspect over time that will change too :)

Its why I've always chosen an item as a goal.  One single item of clothing that I like. It doesn't matter to me if every size 16 in the world fits me, just one is fine. My goals aren't about a size they are about an item. When that item fits I chose another item I love and that's my next goal. I don't lose sleep over what else fits and doesn't fit. I am not bothered. I can see with my own eyes that the inches are melting away. I have a figure for the first time since having the kids . (Matt is 21 this year) I have a shape. I am proud of my new shape emerging. I no longer look in the mirror and pick fault or turn to food as upset. I  look in the mirror and notice the little changes. Little changes soon equal big changes. :)

I feel good from the inside out. I love encouraging and helping others as my journey hasn't been the easiest. I've struggled with my diet head all along. Others struggle and I love to show them this will pass, just keep going, and it will happen. Never give in.  Trevor is a wise one. He says 'there is no failure only feedback' and how true is that.  I have many negatives that happen but I learn from them.

I think a part of me had to accept. To give myself permission to lose the weight. To be slim.  I think I hid behind that fat for so long it was a comfort to me.  I don't mind how long my journey takes. I am not competing with anyone. This is my journey and I'm happy that's what matters. I am constantly making improvements, gaining more confidence and having more smilie days.

Do the slimpods work?  Yes if you give them the chance to. If you don't fight them. If you simply follow the 3 golden rules and don't try to cut corners they work 400%. What diet gives you that inner confidence before you reach your goal? none!