7 months in - how do I feel?

I don't do this very often but today I am sharing my diary entry as I feel it says so much about the 'new me' how I feel, how much slimpods have done for me :)


"Well I was thinking as I often do and realise so much has changed lately. I really no longer consider my journey a weightloss one how odd is that I've spent 25 years dieting, yoyoing, being unhappy, miserable, depressed and now life is so different. I feel its all about finding me Letting the real Jackie emerge slowly. Having no food issues. Its just such a lovely feeling. I never set out to be a size 10 or a certain weight. I always wanted to live longer (than my Dad ), make my Dad proud, be healthier, happier and more confident. All these things matter to me and always have far more than the scales. Its also fab that i've probably achieved all of those already

I love being normal with food too. I never think about what I am eating. I no longer spend hours obsessing about food. I don't spend ages contemplating what I should and shouldn't eat. I've learnt the difference between hunger and thirst, starving and craving. Even when I am hugely stressed I eat whatever I fancy, yep a couple of times its been crisps and biccies but I always stop when full and only eat when hungry, so even these episodes do no harm as I end up not hungry for my meal too. I cannot eat when not hungry as I don't even think to Normal people have days where they eat junk. Normal people eat biscuits and crisps sometimes. I love being normal

Then of course theres the exercise. This lady who was allergic to exercise as you all know Tilly and I joked constantly about it. There was never any form of exercise I liked not even walking. It was torture in our eyes Yet look now. I adore walking. I feel fit I feel healthy I feel slimmer

Today I had the confidence to walk up the school in my exercise gear didn't even hide behind a big cardie. No jacket just my exercise gear and got several comments on how good I look

Today I had a really confident smile on my face just walking up the school. It was a 'real smile' I realised I was happy with who I am OMG did I just put that?? where is that mouse?? where is Jackie ?? who am I??

I had a houseful of gas men yesterday. I'd normally be an anxious wreck. They were all nattering to me and joking with me. I just chatted and joked back Even when they said they needed to come in at 3pm and I was off up the school I calmly and happily explained they could not until I returned at 3pm. I said it assertively but politely and they were fine with me. They even came here early today to turn the gas off so as not to interupt my routine they even chatted to me as I walked Charlie to school who is this lady I am talking of

So much is changing I sometimes feel I can't keep up, but I love it. These pods have handed me back a life thats for living. Of course, I had a life. I've always had a lovely lovely family and lovely lovely friends but this is different. This has made me see life in a different light. Its made me value my family, value my true friends, love life

Sandra has done so much for me. Shes changes lives. I am proof of that

Ok ladies so some positives

Really they are all above aren't they? so all above

I am happy

I am more confident

I have a real smile

I love life

I enjoy exercise

I've managed 107 miles in May and today is not over yet

I don't think about food. Food is fuel thats it. I enjoy food but it doesn't worry me at all

My journey is not about weightloss anymore its about the real me. About living a longer, happier, healthier, positive, confident happy life

I am making my Dad proud

I stop eating as soon as full no matter what the food is

I've done 3 boosted miles this morning and could have done more but need to work but I feel amazing

I was asked what I wanted for my birthday from Matt. I am having a bright pink exercise vest

I have this lovely inner calm and acceptance

The scales no longer rule my life - I don't need them to judge me, to tell me how well I am doing, or how badly because they no longer matter to me, as I can feel how well I am doing, it comes from within "